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Does Anyone Else Understand??

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Tammy, Sep 28, 2007.

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  1. Tammy

    Tammy Active Member

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    I am so confused right now. Alex has had a new psyche since we moved to Newcastle in June. Apparently this psyche works with a lot of PTSD patients. I have met this new psyche but I have never actually spoken to him. Alex saw this doctor once and the Dr recommended to MCRS that Alex requires 12 interviews to be conducted once a fortnight. SO far Alex has been to two of them, the next one is next week. I do not know the full details of Alex's appt's as he usally doesn't want to talk about it, which infuriates me because I am here and standing beside me but I have no idea what is going on. Alex told me after his last appt that this psyche wants to try some form of Rapid Eye Movement therapy or something and that he wants me to be involved in the appt next week- Up until now he has been totally against me being involved! I am hoping to find someone else who has either heard of this type of treatment or has experience with it. Alex can't explain it to me. His excuse is because his memory is terrible, which is true, however I can't help feeling as though there is more to it. To be brutally honest I don't trust this doctor, which is infair, I know, because I haven't actually been included in any of his work or anything. My mistrust of him stems from Alex's first appt. The Doctor told Alex that he had been in touch with MCRS and that they were paying for the appt., which is the norm for us. However, MCRS contacted approximately 6 weeks later saying that Alex needed to see a psyche before they would reinstate his payments. Apparently they had no record of ever speaking to this doctor or of Alex having seen him, nor had they received the report that this doctor told us he would be sending them. We got onto the Doctor and told him and he finally sent the report to MCRS. We then received a letter from MCRS telling us that the doctors report was basically not good enough but that he does request Alex attend fortnightly appt's for 24 weeks. Can anyone else tell me what is going on? Alex's last psyche actively involved me Alex's treatment and now I get nothing. I am also unsure as to whether Alex is being completely honest with me about the while PTSD thing... He says that he can't work until his psyche says he can give it a go, or he will never again be entitled to his benefit! He says that if he waits til the psyche says it's ok and then tries working again, if it doesn't work out, he will still be etitled to the benefit. This makes no sense to me and I am really hoping for some form of help and understanding. Is Alex telling the truth or is he hiding things from me. I just have no idea any more. Sorry this is so long winded but I have no idea where else to turn. I would ask MCRS and Comsuper myself but Alex won't give them his permission for me to discuss all of this crap! Please if any one can help me with any of this, it would be greatly appreciated. Tammy
     
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Tammy, could you refresh my memory and tell me who is supposed to be paying the costs? Military, work etc? (sorry)

    The eye movement therapy would be EMDR.

    As for whether or not he is telling the truth, it sounds plausible to me; however, the only people who can determine that is you and him.

    Are you pressuring him to go to work? Is that why this is an issue?

    Also, as to not being involved in his therapy, that is rather normal. He would need therapy sessions on his own. It's common to bring in a spouse after a few sessions and then just have the spouse touch base with the therapist once in awhile, not have the spouse there for every session. In fact, having a spouse present all the time would hinder therapy, as us sufferers want to protect those we love so we wouldn't open up in therapy if we had our loved ones in toe every time.

    Sorry I can't be more helpful, at this time.
    bec
     
  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Okay never mind the question about paying the costs (I went back and reread your threads!) I'll leave that answer to someone else in the military!
     
  5. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Tammy is there a Vietnam Vets association or Vet Affairs in Newcastle surely there is!
    I would go and see someone and get some info you are entitled to do that you dont have to talk about Alex in particular ( as it is confident) just get some support from them
    I think you will find they will explain things to you!
    Good Luck
    Jen!
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Tam, I don't know how much the doctor he is seeing really knows about MCRS or Vet Affairs to begin with, so you would need to answer that one. What I do know is that Alex will certainly be watched and checked for his payments because his PTSD was not "combat" related. I think you know from what you have seen yourself in Townsville, its not easy to get payments from MCRS or Vet Affairs when you actually have combat experience, let alone the accident that occurred to Alex and gave him PTSD in the first place. His accident was worse than some who got PTSD from operations, yet they look at the operational aspect as more traumatizing than what Alex endured. Go figure ha!!!

    Ok, the EMDR that this doctor wants to try. There is some issues with EMDR, though Alex does fit the perfect mold for EMDR treatment. The only thing you need to check in this aspect is that this doctor is well experienced in EMDR, not just qualified, but experienced. The difference is brain damage vs. no brain damage. EMDR is relatively safe when used to treat a person who edures typically one or two traumatic events. Alex fits this which is great. I would encourage him to certainly give it a go, and why he must have so many appointments would be because the doctor must ensure he is not with holding any other traumatic experiences which would rule him out from doing EMDR. If this is the reason the doctor wants so many appointments, then he is likely good at EMDR itself because he is assessing Alex correctly before performing it.

    It has a high success rate to treat the trauma for those sufferering one or two traumatic events. If Alex is treated, he may actually be very capable to then lead a pretty normal life, although; he will still not be able to endure normal stress otherwise symptoms will come back, though simply created from present stressors, no longer past traumatic events. Big difference to the impact of his life, with or without PTSD symptoms. He may be very capable to then work a full-time job once again and providing he learns how to manage his stress levels and that he does not take on a demanding high stress job, he should actually be able to function pretty well providing EMDR goes exceptionally well. EMDR does have pretty good results for those with one or two traumatic events. I certainly recommend he do it.

    I do agree though Tammy that you need to be part of this with him. The facts are proven, we with PTSD will tell the doctors everything else other than the truth if it means we get out of their office sooner, which means we avoid the problems instead of fixing them.
     
  7. Tammy

    Tammy Active Member

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    Thanks heaps for the replies. I am just trying to get my head around the whole situation. I have no idea as to the doctors qualifications and experience until we go to the appt this Thursday, but I will be sure to ask now. I looked up a little about this form of therapy and it seems ok to me and Alex is willing to give it a go for now. We received a call from MCRS, who are in the process of reinstating our payments the other day, and they told ALex he can either accept the $50 per fortnight or he can accept a lump sum of $64000. Alex got off the phone all excited and when I asked him questions like 'does that interfere with your Comsuper payments?', 'is tat what they consider to be the lump sum payment/ compensation amount for you having PTSD?', and questions that I felt were fairly important, he got all snakey with me and eventually yelled at me that he didn't know, he didn't ask! I was just trying to understand what this amount was for, but all Alex could think of was having this money.

    And no I don't pressure or nag him to get a job but I have asked him on occassion whether he tinks he ever will- he only ever reponds with 'I don't ****ing know!'. I have supported him and stood by him the whole time we have been together and even when he was still a member of the army he was very rarely at work anyway, cos they didn't know what to do with him andit was easier for them not to have to deal with it.
    Lately though, things have been grinding on my nerves a little. I asked him if hewanted to go and get a copy of his birth certificate (the army apparently lost the original) so we could get the driving rules bok for down here and he practically bit my head off and told me that with his PTSD he wouldn't be able to drive anyway. I tried my best to say to him in a nice way, well how would you know you have never tried it, and that didn't go down well either. I am just so sick of driving around all the time. Not only to his Dr appt's and the kids doctors appt's, and running all the errands with two kids hanging off my side every where I go; But Alex has this idea about starting a business of sorts (which I think more resembles a garage sale) where he will be buying boxes of sundries from an auctions house, each box contains about 20-25 items; Alex wants to then sell these items as seperate items at the auction house and whatever doesn't sell there, try to get rid of at a garage sale. I am behind in this idea, not because I find it particularly interesting, but because he does and keeps his mind occupied. It is starting to annoy me though, because now I have to drive him to and from the auction house (with the two boys) at least once a week; and now he wants to start going to garage sales on Saturday mornings, but he wants to leave the house by 6 am. I find this annoying because I have to get up, get the boys ready, and drive around after him all day while he chain smokes in the passenger seat and gets annoyed when all the driving stresses me!!!
    I tell him though that if he wants to this in the long term he is going to have to get himself a licence, so that the kids dont have to be out and about that early- I mean it is really cold down here at midday, so six am it is just ridiculous! Also, I have centrelink on my back to find work, which I wouldn't particularly mind but Alex says things like 'what if I have a bad day, what are we going to do then'? SO I am being pressured by them to find full time work because according tothem at least one of us should be working, and they wont listen when I tell them that it would be rude to stuff the employer around like that. Once the boys start school, not a problem, But they simply do not understand the nature of the beast I guess. Anyway enough of my rambling on and on, It's just so good to be able to chat to someone as I have no friends down here, only Alex's family and if I tried to talk to my family about it we would just end up arguing! SO thanks for listening to me bitch and I really do appreciate the input.
     
  8. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Venting is good Tammy, don't ever worry about doing that here. I apologize for not saying more than that in this thread as of yet. At the moment I am still a bit out of sorts and limiting my posting for a couple of days. However I am thinking of you and your family and wishing you well. Once I feel a bit better, I will give you a longer reply.
     
  9. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Tammy... I actually agree with you here and Alex needs to take his head out of his arse and wakeup to himself. PTSD is not an excuse, it is an illness, but not an excuse. He may not be able to work for someone, agree with him on that, however; he must also try. If not, then atleast get into something like he is providing it is not going to be a money pit, and does make him money.

    You have to weigh up the long term benefits of taking a lump sum payment. As we did discuss this in Townsville on the course also. If he takes the lump sum, thats it... they will not give him another thing. The Army tried to do this with me also, being MCRS, and when I enquired about the impact this is what occurred. If I took the lump sum which all sounded great at the time, I would then get nothing from then on. It was basically a risk which I had to make a decision... take the fortnightly payments and hope I don't get hit by a truck, or take the lump sum and hope I do get hit by a truck because that money isn't going to last long. I took the fortnightly payments obviously as it far benefits myself if I live longer than about 10 years, then it favours me and not them.

    Do the math, work it out and shove it under his nose. Longevity is the issue here, and he must accept this because he not only has himself to think about, but you and both the boys. Alex is not thinking straight by the sounds of it, and he needs to get himself of his pity pot of poor me and get on with actioning his life, which includes a license.

    Sometimes Tam you just have to make things hard in order for him to find his path.... maybe you just need to say no and he has to start standing up and taking control of himself, and his life, instead of just laying down and expecting you to do more than you should be for him.
     
  10. Tammy

    Tammy Active Member

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    MCRS has offered us $64000 as a lump sum, but they will only be paying us $50 per fortnight if we don't accept it. So this lump sum would be our payments for them for approx 49 years! It deffinitely sounds good but I am still not sure. We also get MSBS payments from Comsuper which is about $890 per fortnight after tax. So I will have to sit next to him next time he speaks to them and make him ask whether this lump sum will affect those payments. If it doesn't then I support him in taking the kump sum, but if it cancels out everything I will have to say NO which always causes problems. We have a solicitor but he "has been busy with another case and hasn't started on ours yet", so I will have to get ALex to ring him and see what he thinks about it as well. I am just so confused by the whole thing. And this idea Alex has about the auctions is making him money at the monent; so far he has spent about $100 but has made about $400. SO so far so good. He really enjoys it so it is good at the moment. I am thinking of sending away for his birth certificate by myself and then just buying the book for him and telling him if he doesn't read it I won't be taking him anywhere. I know he is worried about driving, because the drivers down here are terrible! But I don't think it should all be up to me either. Maybe I will tell him to catch a bus if he won't get his licence. Wish me luck...
     
  11. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Goodluck Tam.... I think you have it under control, well.... you have the exact mindset and methods.... now just knowing the answers to those questions I guess. I agree though, the sums say take the lump sum now, though definitely if that affects the comsuper, not a chance in hell, as thats like only two years compsuper or something or like that.
     
  12. Tammy

    Tammy Active Member

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    Alex and I had our appt with his psyche today and we have been given a month before our next appt to make our minds up about this EMDR treatment. I have somewhat changed my opinio about this psyche as he does seem to know what he is talking about. He was trained by Dr Shapira in 94 or 95 so I guess that went in his favour. He explained that he doesn't really like using the lights though, because he prefers his patients to be able to close their eyes as he believes it helps them to picture the trauma; so instead he will be tapping Alex. I did warn him that directly after the accident another member of Alex's gu tried to pull him away and got punched, so he should be careful about touching Alex during that time! but he seems to think it will work well. I have told Alex that the decision is his however I think it is worth a try. The dr gave me some web sites to visit to have a look at and was IMO a little annoyed by all my questions. He did say that he has never had one of his patients have an adverse affect from this therapy and he has only heard of it happening once, but that that dr, who was trained, used another drs notes as the basis for the therapy instead of gaining a knowledge ofth client first hand! I told about people on here (without using names) who did not enjoy the therapy and who now have more problems and he said that if Alex starts to become too emotional he will use relaxation techniques to calm him down. He seems trust worthy though, but like I said it is up to Alex. I will let you know what he decides...
    PS- Alex asked me today to take him into births deaths and marriages tomorrow to order his birth certificate, so fingers crossed he will have a licence soon. He actually apologised today for not being able to help me out more when it comes to transport so we are working through it now! Here's hoping it all goes well.
     
  13. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Well Tammy I've only just finished reading your thread in its entirely, and I must say well done to you for your support of Alex and your willingness to educate yourself. Really there is not much else I can say; Anthony has given you excellent advice. However I am most impressed that as a mother of young children you are so level headed and capable of supporting your husband through all this. Very well done. It is refreshing to see such a good attitude. Good luck to you and Alex, with whatever he decides.
     
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