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Does EMDR Work With No Memories Or Emotions?

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macelia

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I lived with extensive physical and emotional abuse til I was 12 but I only have one real memory and there is no emotion associated with it. In fact, it's more like telling a story about something I read in a book. But there's never been any emotion attached to it or to anything I experienced or saw as a child. I don't have flashbacks or nightmares or somatic symptoms. I also can't visualise. I can't see or feel anything at all when I think of the things that happened to me.

I've only just started therapy and my therapist is considering EMDR. Does anyone with my sort of presentation (few if any memories, no emotions re the trauma, no images, no present day emotions to work with) have experience with EMDR? I know you have to focus on as many aspects of the traumatic incident as possible. It seems to me that I don't have anything to work with. Has EMDR worked for anyone with no memories/emotions?
 
Yes macelia, EMDR helped me find memories and emotions relating to old childhood trauma.

To put it somewhat abstractly, in EMDR I'd "surf around" the various places and times where the trauma occurred. EMDR is often associated with single instance trauma work. I had two distinct instances that my T and I addressed. Did EMDR when I was about 45. The trauma happened between age 4 and 8, something like that. I know what you mean about having nothing to work with.

There are cautionary notes relating to doing EMDR. Uncorking a lot of trauma all at once, or "memory flood" has been a concern. It may be worth checking this out, knowing the possible risk seems like a good thing. In EMDR things can come up. I had a trash can nearby because I was worried about vomiting. T's have told me stories of other involuntary physical reactions as well.

Good luck macelia. And best wishes on your path to a better life.
 
Thanks James. I have been wondering the same thing because my wife has no recollection of what her trauma is or when it occurred. She started EMDR about a month ago and so far hasn't shared anything with me. But it is good to know that it can help get to the root of the trauma.

Thanks,

Jawn
 
I am in EMDR treatment but just getting started, and the recalling of memories is going to be tough. Now they tell me it is CPTSD, and I will have to deal with experiences that set up other experiences. I can recall general feelings that lasted for years, but trying to pick the representative memory or the initial memory or the worst memory of the period is hopeless.

I have glossed over entire decades of my life as being memories I don't want to recall, and now I am asked to remember a representative memory for the decade? no way.

I took the trash out last night. I know we spent two or three days filling the can, but now that the truck has come and the can is empty, I couldn't tell you about enough specific peices of trash in that can to even begin to have enough to fill it back up. Thats the way my worst memories are, like trash I took out and the truck took it away.

Another way of thinking about it is like a bookshelf full of books, each book another bad memory I lived through. Every time I reached out to open one of those books, I pulled my hand back and told myself: No, thats a bad one. Leave it alone. After a lifetime of doing that, I am sure there is something in those books that has been lost to time, and I am also sure there is stuff in there I wish I had lost to time.

And now, I have to tell them wich book is the oldest, wich one is the worst, and so on. About all I can remember easily is that there is a bookshelf.

They tell me we can work from where I am, I hope so. But it aint gonna be easy.
 
I can certainly relate to that, just me here. I wish you didn't have that bookshelf, but in terms of healing (whatever that means), it's probably a good thing that you can remember that there is a bookshelf. My latest revelation is that I've been emotionally numb all my life. Sometimes depressed and despairing, but mostly numb. Part of me is asking how I could possibly be unaware that I've been numb, but if it's all you know then you don't know 'not numb'. Part of my numbness is not remembering I have a bookshelf. I have no conscious memory of ever deciding not to think about my past or particular memories. They just don't seem to be there. My one memory is completely void of feeling.

I think they're probably spot on about you being able to work from where you are right now. Just in the few weeks since I started acknowledging how messed up every aspect of my life has been, I have started having emotional flashbacks to the sexual abuse that i can't even remember. This is happening without EMDR or therapy, as I am waiting for my first real appointment. It seems that writing in my journal and visiting this Forum and just being so fed up with my life that I am finally willing to feel is plenty of stimulus for generating content to work with.

One thing I agree with you on: It ain't gonna be easy.

And it's gonna hurt like hell.
 
but in terms of healing (whatever that means).

For me personally is means (finally) leaving the past behind. It means I can get up and do the day without the rabid fists of my trauma beating me up every second. It means that when I get triggered, hopefully I will identify the trigger, either on the spot or shortly there after. For me it translates into greatly reduced anxiety, and a much higher quality of day to day life. For me healing is partly learning.

It means if I chose to let something get under my skin and bug me, it's my problem. Because I cannot change the world. And it's given way - in my life - to (quite frankly) not giving a damn about a whole lot except my own peace of mind. And doing my best to eliminate the things I do that agitate or disrupt my own tranquility.
 
James B. My brother. I was not able to set a goal for myself.

I look around and I say "I am glad I am not that guy" or " how does he sleep at night?" or "I would have fallen off the edge by now if I had to be like that person on a daily basis". I just can't understand the concept of "normal" or "happy" or "content" and no matter how many people I look at I can't find anyone I want to emulate, I can't see a path or a goal, only that I want away from HERE, and there isn't a soul on this planet that I can walk up to and say "how did you get to where you are?"

I developed the idea that we are all just swinging pendulums or leaves in the wind, and wherever we are at any one time is totally by chance, or because it is our turn, or because we got put there by someone else. In my view of the world, if I could find a happy person and ask them how they did it, they could at best describe the wind that blew them or the circumstances they passed through on their way or the vehichle they got a ride in to get to where they were.

And it's given way - in my life - to (quite frankly) not giving a damn about a whole lot except my own peace of mind. And doing my best to eliminate the things I do that agitate or disrupt my own tranquility.

I can accept that as a goal if I temper it a little with some editing for my own personal use- I have to be aware that my own peace of mind is very reliant on the happiness of my family, and the happiness of my family is very reliant on my doing things for them that disrupt my peace of mind, like working for people I hate and blame for alot of my past traumas, living in a place I associate with past traumas, and being around people that are directly responsible for much of my current situation.

I can make my goal be to just be aware of the triggers and to constantly be aware of my choice to do the better thing when my whole being is screaming to do the right thing. I can't quit my job, I can't move away, I can't break bonds with my parents, but I can be aware of the triggers and that I choose to do the better thing for my overall peace of mind rather than doing what my survival instincts and my hardwiring tell me are the right things to do.

I don't need to get away from HERE. I need to make HERE a better place to be. First and foremost, not giving a damn about anything else, I need to make HERE a better place to be by doing and thinking and working for only the things that make HERE a peaceful and tranquil place.

Thanks- I got a whole lot from this post.
 
I look around and I say "I am glad I am not that guy" or " how does he sleep at night?" or "I would have fallen off the edge by now if I had to be like that person on a daily basis". I just can't understand the concept of "normal" or "happy" or "content" and no matter how many people I look at I can't find anyone I want to emulate, I can't see a path or a goal, only that I want away from HERE, and there isn't a soul on this planet that I can walk up to and say "how did you get to where you are?"

Thanks for an awesome post, just me here. Best wishes to you and your family, now and always.
 
Macelia, I know this original thread is old, but I just stumbled on it when I was doing a google search on "EMDR no emotions". Your original post could have been written by me. Your experience is exactly the same as mine. I was wondering if you ever followed through with the EMDR therapy, and if so, how did it end up working for you? Was it effective even though you had no emotional associations with it? I am starting EMDR on Monday and wondering if it's going to even work since I have so little to work with.
 
I am almost done with 8 sessions of emdr. I was surprised at the emotions that came up. For me it has been a very positve experience. I am so glad I did it. It gave me a new respect for myself and it took my shame away. I will always be grateful that I had it. I hope this helps.
 
I started with my first session of EMDR yesterday, and so bear in mind that my comments are those of a beginner thus far. I have a very lengthy history of many and varied traumas, many of which I remember vividly, some of which I remember partially and some of which I have no/very poorly formed memory of.

Quite honestly, I think it's impossible to say with certainty how the process will affect any individual, because I think it is different for everyone. Just because someone does not have conscious access to or recall of particular memories does not mean they haven't been encoded somewhere in the brain, and the benefit that EMDR has over some of the more conscious and direct methods of recall and exposure is that it doesn't require the ability to describe or verbalise memories and offers access to them through the very complex (and relatively little understood) complex memory networks that exist.

Honestly, in the course of my one session I found myself accessing memories that I could consciously recall that were related to the original incident we were processing, memories I could recall that seemed unrelated to the original event, emotions and abstract thoughts and feelings, snapshots of images that I could not readily place/recall and a very intense sort of symbolic imagery which seemed to combine aspects of my stored memories with features of my current reality.

Yes, that sounds all a bit confusing, even to me! But my point is simply to say that where there is opportunity and willingness (on the part of both client and therapist) to give EMDR a try, and provided the requirements of basic safety and stability etc have been achieved to an acceptable degree beforehand, and provided the therapist is properly trained and certified in the technique, I would say give it a go! Maybe a lot will happen, maybe nothing will, or maybe you won't even be sure for a while, but anything is worth a try, and I am walking proof of the fact that progress can be made in some of the most unforeseen ways as long as you remain open-minded to it.

I truly wish anyone well who is embarking or thinking of embarking on this journey. So far I feel very overwhelmed, but cautiously optimistic that here is a tool that can really do me some good and offer me some hope... and hope is always a good thing!

Maddog
 
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