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Relationship Does He Really Love Me?

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Slw4789

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I have posted in a couple other forums so I will try nit to get this one be so long winded...My boyfriend(if I can still call him that) moved out last week saying he needed space, I am new to this so didn't understand why, kept asking him if it was me and he always said it was him and he needed to get his thoughts straight. I honored his wishes for a week then had a breakdown from missing him so much that I called him. I asked him how he was and he said he has been fine that he has been going to the gym twice a day, working, and spending time with his son. I thought that meant he was better so I asked him if he felt differently about me since he had been away from me and I told him that it was really hard on me and I missed him so much. He said that he missed me but other than that he couldn't tell me anything. I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he couldn't (or wouldn't?) answer, I asked him if he loved me and he couldn't(or wouldn't?) answer that either. He said that by me asking these questions and not giving him space it was making his head spin and it was pushing him away more. He was very angry and cold towards me I felt like I was talking to a complete stranger. It is hard for me to believe that the day before he left he was telling me he loved me and now he can't tell me if he does or not. Is this normal? Is this just because I didn't give him space? Anybody else been in this situation?
 
First of all, stop blaming yourself for his behavior -- whatever happens, it's not because of your phone call and not because you didn't give him space. In fact, it's not your fault at all, so please don't think it is. I don't think anyone on here can tell you whether he loves you or not; all we can do is read what you've described and make our assessments based on that. I mentioned my initial observations in an earlier thread you posted, and I still stand by that. I don't think his behavior has anything at all to do with PTSD. Usually, when supporters post on here describing similar situations with their boyfriends/loved ones/husbands, there is some clear indication that the man in question is experiencing symptoms of PTSD. I just don't see that at all in your situation. You also mentioned that he hasn't been diagnosed, so i have to ask - did he tell you he has PTSD? And try to blame his behavior on PTSD? Or did you just suspect it might be? (I just ask because I have heard of some combat vets blaming their own really terrible behavior on PTSD when it is in fact not PTSD at all). In all honesty, from what you have described, it sounds like the two of you rushed into a relationship way too soon after he split from his wife, and maybe he wanted it to work and was really devoted, but somewhere along the line realized he wasn't over her yet and isn't really ready for a relationship with you. It's really not unusual at all for people to jump into new relationships right after ending a long-term one, and I'm afraid they often end up seeing these relationships as flings. That has nothing to do with PTSD at all. I don't mean to be rude by being so blunt, but I think someone has to be. There are red flags all over your situation -- he has openly spoken about his ex-wife, repeatedly, and told you flat out he thought he rushed things with you and never grieved her; the pulling away that you describe was triggered almost exclusively by matters related to his ex and his son, and so on. His reaction to getting deployed again is quite normal, even for people without PTSD. Just because he's unhappy about it doesn't mean that all of his behavior is part of some PTSD breakdown. It's more likely the deployment upsets him because he feels he doesn't have things sorted yet at home, and it's always hard to leave knowing that everything is up in the air. I think you need to let him go, especially if he was cold and distant when you called him.
 
Thank you all for your opinions, as far as if I think he loves me, I look back on the past year everything that we have been through the way he acted towards me, even up to the day before he left he never stopped telling me he loved me and I want to hold on to that. We never had any major arguments or disagreements we always worked things out together. Even when he told me he needed to leave to have space I was incomplete shock, heartbroken, and he would hold me and kiss my head until I stopped crying, the night before he left we still slept in the same bed and he even cuddled with me. Before he left he hugged me and it was like he was having a hard time letting go and for those things I do believe he loves me and i feel lIke if he didnt he wouldnt have done those things he cold have easily walked away or slept on the couch. Because of my anxiety disorder I tend to overthink everything and make more out of things than they really are so that is why I second guess whether he loves me or not. When I called him and he was so cold towards me I asked him why and he said he was just tired that he was just getting his laundry done and hadn't packed for drill the next day yet and it was almost 10pm. I am hoping those are really the reasons he acted the way he did and he was just stressing. One thing I did remember that I didn't mention was that before he left we had a long talk (more me talking than him) and I asked him if he loved me, he said yes, I asked him if it was because he didn't want to he with me he said no that wasn't it. I told him that because he was telling me those things that I wasn't going to give up on him that I would be there for him if he needed me and that he couldn't get rid of me that easy. He nodded his head yes as I said this as if that was what he wanted me to do. I told him that if he had told me he didn't love me and didn't want to be with me than it would be completely different, I wouldn't keep trying and I would let him go. He still has a key to my house, so he can come get things whenever he wants but he hasn't. He only took his clothes, army stuff, necessities, and his son's stuff. He has DVDs here that he could have easily taken and he didnt (he even had to pick through them to find all of his son's video games), his mail still comes to my house, His favorite hat and other hats are still here, along with some other big stuff like his kayak, bike, and grill. It is all just so confusing and because of my anxiety my head is reeling all the time with what ifs and trying to justify why he is doing things, and second guessing everything. One of my friends texted him Friday and asked how he was and he said his nerves are shot and it is too much for him. I hope he just needs time.
 
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