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Does Romantic Love Exist?

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raven123

MyPTSD Pro
Really. I've never had one. Had lots of sex, but never a relationship of any kind. I don't even know who I am most of the time. I've never really ever let anyone in, not that any have wanted me. My trust sucks totally. I've been hurt by a lot of people in life besides my rapists, too. I'm 44.

Am I really missing much? It just seems there are so many selfish people, and all the good ones are married, I wonder if I'm missing anything. Most of the ones I've know in a relationship were unhappy. Maybe only 1 in 10 were happy. I ain't kidding. I'd love to find someone to love and love me (no clue what love is but I wonder if romantic love exists--some don't think it does--I've never had it at all), but, I'm 44 and really wonder if it has past me by.

I know having kids has past me by. I don't want a teen when I'm 65/66 or later. Sexually, I can find NSA stuff willingly every night if I'd want it. LOL I still want a wife deep down somewhere, but have to ask that question. My belief there is romantic love has been shaken to my core recently and I'm beginning to believe, like some, that is really doesn't exist at all. Google: "does romantic love exist?" and you'll be shocked how many says it doesn't. In fact, forget that previous question and answer this:

Does romantic love even exist? Am I wasting my time looking for something that doesn't really happen? If you found it, what does it really feel like?
 
Well this is an interesting and complicated question I think.. but to answer it honestly, have I experienced romantic love, yes I have. And I can tell you this it is not much like what is portrayed in lots of Hollywood stuff. It thrives on love and understanding and forgiveness and not so much high drama, accusations or trying to control.

But when we have given and received love (truly a gift from God I believe) we can experience a kind of relationship that is perhaps the most difficult one there is (aside from parenthood perhaps) yet also one of the most satisfying and worthwhile despite the difficulties. So I guess I would also say that the search is also worthwhile.. frustrating tho that may be. I wish you all the luck in the world. :thumbsup:
 
I think I know what you are talking about as romantic love. I want to believe romantic love does exist. I think to find it both partners have to love themselves and willing to constantly work on the relationship. Great communication skills, forgiving, patient, not jealous and have a kind heart. Probably like finding a needle in a hay stack!

If you are looking for perfect love. Like a fairy tale? Then no I do not believe that is possible. Even the most in love people I have known fight. have disagreements. Humans are not perfect. I have been told that they never go to bed angry is the secret! ;)
 
Yep I agree, conflicts and disagreements are a part of every relationship, no matter how wonderful or romantic they many also be. Therefore the good, honest communication skills are important and the forgiveness too. Really these traits and skills can do us in good stead no matter who we are dealing with I guess. Not so easy but well worth it for a good friendships or relationships in life. :cool::p
 
raven123. Same for me... I sometimes get jealous when I see couples together. I am unable to feel or experience that. I learned from an early age to seperate sex and love.
 
Well many many people confuse sex with love and vice versa I think, not realizing that they are in fact two different things. But when they can come together the combo can be very satisfying and also very charged with fears too.. as they are for me. More lessons to be unlearned from the abuse.
 
I can say romantic love exist. I am married to my absolute best friend in the whole world. Ever. There are times it doesn't feel good to be in the relationship but that is what happens when you love someone: you give them the ability to hurt you. And no one is perfect. As with any relationship you get out what you put in! But when we make time to be connected the world melts away and there so much joy. It took me five years to build the trust we have now. And sometimes it's Still pretty shaky but that is because of me not him. I need to be able to go through phones and computers and pockets and wallets on a whim because I'm feeling insecure and need to prove there isn't anything to worry about. He hands it over even though it hurts him he understands it helps develop trust for me. Those episodes are few and far between now. That feels good. It also feels good to let my guard down and accept his love and compliments. But also very scary. I know whatever my husband's decides is out of love for or familyand not selfishness. He's proven that.

Being married to me is probably a different story. I'm angry and can be mistrusting. But he says I the best person he knows and had a wonderful heart. I'll take it.
 
Yep LC well said, I will take it too.. along with all the imperfections and irritations over little details including the times of mistrust and doubt.. I will take the good times too. Being in relationships is hard work but oh so well worth the efforts and the times of forgivness.. I guess being a good parent is the only job tougher and more important than being a good friend, or lover and friend. And more worthwhile in life or at least to me it is.

I was lucky to be able to learn relationship skills from my first t, as i never learned them from growing up. I am eternally grateful. This gives my life the most meaning and purpose and satisfaction of anything else I can think of.

:kisses::spin::affection::p:bounce::love:
 
My husband has taught me how to be a good wow by his example and patience. It's nice to raise children together but I also look forward to when they are grown and we have that time together to travel and explore. While I love our kids, I think about of patent forget their kids are a small chapter in their marriage book
 
I think romantic love does exist. I believe in some Love greater than my myself and us and I believe that's how I must have managed to survive until now. So if that Love exists, I think romantic love does, too.

The challenge that I see, however, is how our pain inhibits us from seeing, finding, or keeping genuine romantic love. I feel like I'm so used to being treated like I'm worthless that sometimes that's where I'm comfortable. This pisses me off unendingly, I am furiously working to change this.
 
I like your post, Still Alive, and I too believe in a Love greater than myself, than us. And I too believe that Love is mirrored in our loves here today, as we can find them.

The past can be an awful chain around our necks and feet, making the pain so familiar that we even seem to seek it out for comfort. I am so encouraged that you are working hard now to change that in yourself. Being aware that it is happening, accepting that is were we are now and working towards the goal of change is where it is at in life I believe. That is how life works for me anyways, at least so far. My every best wish goes out to you. :affection:
 
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