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General Does This Email Sound Ok

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journey31

Confident
He's told me he thinks he has ptsd about a month ago. He should be home any day now, but its always 3 weeks, every time he tells me.

He's still in Afghanistan. A friend that we decided during his deployment we wanted to be together. Have discussed marriage and I'm meeting him mom in March.

How does this sound. Is this good, is it phrased correctly.

Baby. Maybe it's just me, but you seem a little different lately. I'm here for you, whatever it is. I know you're stressed, and miss home. I know i have no clue what you're going through, or have been through. If you have ptsd or something, I'll do whatever it takes. I'll study it, I'll go to counseling with you. I'll help you through it. I'm not going anywhere. I don't care how hard it is. I'm sticking by you. I know we're not married, but we've discussed it. So, I take all that seriously. I don't just discuss that for the hell of it, and I don't need a ring to start to take it seriously. I'm gonna treat this just like it's already done. You'd have to leave me for this to end. I look at it like we've already made it through one deployment. We'll make it through anything. I know they'll be others. I know it will be hard, but I know what kind of life I'll have with you. It will get hard at times. But it's going to be worth it. I'm proud of you baby, and will continue to be proud of you. I just had to let you know what you mean to me. I'm crazy about you. I can't wait until we can be together. We're going to be so happy together.
 
Baby, maybe it's just me, but you seem a little different lately. How are things going for you? Has anything changed in the last few weeks? I'm here for you, whatever it is, I know you're stressed, and miss home. I don't have no clue what you're going through, or have been through. If you have anything on your mind that you want to discuss, I am here to listen and do whatever we can together as I am anxious for your return home and how the transition will be for you, for us! I be here to help with whatever your immediate needs are. I'm not going anywhere. We've made it through one deployment. We'll make it through anything. I'm proud of you baby, and will continue to be proud of you. I just had to let you know what you mean to me. I'm crazy about you. I can't wait until we can be together. We're going to be so happy together.

I made some changes to grammar, I encourage you to omit the word PTSD as it may automatically cause defense mode. I made the letter sound a little more about your reunion and less about "you have an illness, and I will let you walk all over me to help you". I also encourage you to seek counseling for yourself if you fear there is a mental illness or disorder because you will need the tools to do what is best for you and to understand some of the signs and symptoms.

I hope this helps!
 
Ok Kabeh394 I wasn't trying to sound like I was going to let him walk over me, I just wanted him to know I was there. His ex left him during his last deployment.
 
I think it's lovely of you to let him know that you are there for him and that you intend to stand by him.

In the meantime, I'd suggest that you read up all you can on PTSD. The PTSD relationship is a great read - very informative. Also, decide for yourself, what boundaries you think need to be in place and be very clear in your communication with him.
 
Please don't take it personally, you asked if it sounded ok, sometimes when people say things we don't like, we take it personally. Trust me, I am a carer as well, and I have been in your shoes. I was naive, and I never want somebody else to go through what I went through. With that said, I don't sugarcoat, it's not in my nature. I like to hear it straight foreword, so I make sure I speak it straight forward. But you wouldn't have asked if you didn't question.

The comment I made about him walking over you was a blanket statement because they will if they are allowed, you will learn that here. It was in no way, shape or form any sort of personal attack.

Third, You said something that raised an alarm for me, and as carers, we tend to do this without realizing because we tend to be nurturers.

His ex left him during his last deployment.

It is not your responsibility to fix what his ex did, it is not your responsibility to prove anything, it is not your responsibility to fix him, console him, or change anything about you or your wants/boundaries period. I could be way off base, but that sent up a warning flare when I read that! I agree with Bilby, read, learn, study as much as you can. This forum is a great resource. I wish you the absolute best!
 
I don't care how hard it is. I'm sticking by you.

You'd have to leave me for this to end.

We'll make it through anything.

If I were you, I'd be very careful if I really wanted to say this. I as a sufferer take promises (and I might perceive these as such) very seriously. Also, I would question what you've said here, simply for the fact that you do not know how hard it will be and you do no know if you will really stick by him. I do realize that currently you're being dead-serious about this and you mean it. But later is later and you do not know. That is also because you don't know what will happen with him. Will he get treatment? Will it work? Will he get worse? Will he treat you well? Etc. You don't know if you'll make it through anything. And, seriously, taking you literal here, I hope you will not make it through *anything*. I stayed in an abusive marriage (different disorder) way too long and through anything. I shouldn't have. I am entitled to happiness and health.

I personally can not take such "promises" seriously. I know things are not that black and white. Why would you want to make it through anything with me? And why would you not care how hard it is? You should care, frankly.

Best wishes.
 
We're going to be so happy together.

It took me a while to figure out what reading this did to me or rather could do, but now I know. If I were the recipient, I would likely at first feel a lot of hope, but later, this could make me feel pressured because I might not feel I could contribute what I'd need to to make you happy. I am years and years after diagnosis. I could picture him being quite overwhelmed by all, most of all PTSD itself and his current life's conditions, but also by diagnosis and what it means. Just saying.
 
I would keep the letter a lot lighter. Things like- I miss you and can't wait to see you! Looking forward to when you get home. Today I went to the store...blah, blah, blah. Then add a funny joke. End with "I love you!" Keep it light and upbeat! He'll be more excited to see you, rather than anticipating a funeral of sadness when he gets home.

Sincerely,
Dallas.
 
I don't think you necessarily have to tell him all those things you wrote in the letter. Just do it! :tup:

Sincerely,
Dallas.
 
Please don't take it personally, you asked if it sounded ok, sometimes when people say things we don't like, we take it personally. Trust me, I am a carer as well, and I have been in your shoes. I was naive, and I never want somebody else to go through what I went through. With that said, I don't sugarcoat, it's not in my nature. I like to hear it straight foreword, so I make sure I speak it straight forward. But you wouldn't have asked if you didn't question.

The comment I made about him walking over you was a blanket statement because they will if they are allowed, you will learn that here. It was in no way, shape or form any sort of personal attack.

Third, You said something that raised an alarm for me, and as carers, we tend to do this without realizing because we tend to be nurturers.



It is not your responsibility to fix what his ex did, it is not your responsibility to prove anything, it is not your responsibility to fix him, console him, or change anything about you or your wants/boundaries period. I could be way off base, but that sent up a warning flare when I read that! I agree with Bilby, read, learn, study as much as you can. This forum is a great resource. I wish you the absolute best!
I wasn't offended by anything. I didnt realize it sounded like that
 
I would keep the letter a lot lighter. Things like- I miss you and can't wait to see you! Looking forward to when you get home.

Sincerely,
Dallas.


We do that type of communication already. Just he changed. He's different. Yesterday he even said he was just gonna stay and buy a house there. He says he's just tired. I just sense something isn't right. There its an obvious change.
At first i started to get insecure like he was changing his mind about us, but stopped that thought. He is just going through stuff. Noting to do with me. I can't let negative thoughts in.
 
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