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Does This Ever Get Any Better or Easier?

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by dazednconfused, Nov 21, 2006.

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  1. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

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    I just feel so much pain now that my husband has left me and my child and I just don't understand how my husband can be mean and hateful to me now when I had the sweetest husband that loved me and my child and was always there for us and now tonight I miss him so much and would love to call him and just tell him that, but I can't and that really is just crappy.

    How do you guys function from day-to-day without just completely falling apart? I try so hard not to think about him and worry about him and I just cannot do it. I love him so much. It is like a part of me has been ripped out.

    It is like he has died, only he is really still there, I just can't go to him and get a hug anymore or even talk to him. I just feel so alone and scared and hurt and I just cry and tonight he talked to my son on the phone and my son wants me to wear a disguise now, so I can sneak in o BB games if my husband takes him, because his daddy will not go if I am there. My child is 9 years old and wants his daddy there so bad he wants me to sneak in, in a disguise, how horrible is that for a 9-year-old to think something like that up.

    I just don't know how to handle all of this. I feel like I am just falling apart. I just want this nightmare to end....

    Why does it have to be this way? Why can he just not get better.... What did I do that was so horrible I drove him away? I tried to be a good and loving wife to him and for the last 3 months, nothing I did or said or anything was good enough. I just feel so inadequate and ugly or something for my husband to leave me overnight like that.

    I just wondered if any of you have went through these feelings......:dontknow:
     
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  3. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Hi Dazed you poor bugger you are having a hard time at the moment. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Do you someone close by that you can talk to?
    Thoughts are with you:hello:
    Jen
     
  4. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

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    Thanks

    Yes, I have people close by that I can talk to, but most of them just tell me to face facts that he is not coming back and that I just have to get over him and that he is basically doing me bad and that I just need to leave him alone and I just need to go on with my life, but it is so hard. My son and my husband were/are my life and part of that life is missing and I really don't even know why. He never exhibited signs of PTSD before and the trauma happened over 20 years ago according to him, so why would it all of a sudden crop up. I just don't understand this....
     
  5. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

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    Dazed,
    Your thread brings tears to my eyes... i feel like i am reading my own story.... I know that if you read my threads we sound exaclty alike....
    This is not it, its not the end... what he is going through is temporary in the sense that he will go in and out of it throughout his life.
    My husband came back from Iraq over 3 years ago and this year is when he got it bad so PTSD can show up right away i have learned or can even take years (even 20 years) for it to affect you. Either way it is hard....and sometimes i thought i could not do it or stick around for it but i am ok now... My husband and i went through the hell you are going through for about 3months....maybe for you it will be about that or 4months..but just hang in there... things will be ok. I know you said you have people to talk to and they are tellling you to face the fact that he is done...I dont see it that way...Its good that they are there to listen to you and support you but dont think for a minute that this is over (you and your husband) give it time... and i know you are suffering a great deal but hang in there.....please... and vent as much as you need to here, becuase we are all here for you. <3
     
  6. Tammy

    Tammy Active Member

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    Dazed,
    I know I haven't even met you but you need to believe me when I tell you this... You are not inadequate nor are you ugly. Your husband is a thorn in your side because he has no idea whats going on either. I for one think your son is a very special little man and my heart goes out to you both. But you need to remember that the reason your husband left had nothing to do with you and whether or not you were a good enough wife... he left because he is scared to death of what would happen to him (or you or your son) if he stayed. He is going through a real rough patch but I still find some of his behaviour absolutely disgusting (not staying at a sproting game of you're there), sounds very childish to me. I want you and your son to remember what my mum has told me all my life... "you are as good as any and better than most!!"

    Good luck with the future and remember. us spouses are all here for you- whenever you need us.
     
  7. hannah

    hannah Active Member

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    I thought it was only me - this is another world

    Dazed - ditto all of what you have said is now happening to me. Shock horror guilt wondering what I did wrong - I had lost respect for myself at the way I reacted towards his anger - He knows I am strong and he pushed us both to the limit until I could take no more and told him it was over - I love him so deeply but could not stand by and see his lack of emotions ruin our loving family unit. I am sorry now I knew there was something wrong but he wouldnt talk - I took it personally we all did. Since then a month ago I have researched PTSD and I am no doctor but I know my husband inside out and am convinced he is sufffering this. Our children dont know what to think they are hurt and confused but are old enough to get on with their lives. Me I cant see a future without him but really dont know if he the real he has gone forever from himself .He has demanded we all get on with our lives seperately and on asking him if this is what he really wants he says noone is talking about divorce he just wants time! so hard to understand- hope this makes sense as he has had a traumatic effect on us all for three years. I miss him so much. Dazed I dont think we are alone for one second what a mess:wall:
     
  8. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

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    I know...

    I miss my husband so much too, but I have to go on and take care of my son. Now my mama is sick too and has had multiple "old strokes" and is talking out of her head, so I have a lot on my plate, but God will help me through this. I just know it.

    Hope you had a good Thanksgiving Holiday.

    dazed
     
  9. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

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    Hi Dazed

    I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Hope you are taking time out to do something for you. You've had a lot on your plate recently. As much as we want to be there for those we love, if we don't take time for ourselves & give ourselves "me" time then we aren't much good to anyone.
    My thoughts are with you.
     
  10. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

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    thanks

    I try to take time out for myself, but it is so hard to do. Right now with working two jobs and now, I am having to help take care of my parents and deal with being a single mother, (I hate to even say that), it is really hard.

    Thanks to all of you for your encouraging words.

    I love the way you guys say mum and stuff. I would love to visit Australia one day. That has always kind of been a dream of mine. You never know, maybe I can and we could all meet up or something.

    dazed
     
  11. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Hey Dazed I love it how you say mama and someone the other day ( I think it was Veiled) wrote y'all love the language.
    You have your hands full at the moment hang in there:hello:
    Jen
     
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