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Dom Violence Domestic violence that included sexual abuse

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I was in a Abusive Marriage that was mostly emotionally abusive with a couple of physically abusive incidents. However, my marriage/relationship did include pretty what I would consider bad sexual abuse that I have been in denial of until recently (been separated for a few years now). It wasn't until I recently started journaling that these incidents have now been brought to the forefront of my mind and I have developed PTSD due to these as well as other incidents that have occurred in my life. Anyways...I now cant stop thinking about this trauma in particular. I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this kind of abuse in their marriage and how were you able to get the memories and flashbacks to stop? They are just making me really depressed and unable to cope at times.
 
My exHusband was super good at toeing the line at just subthreshold for physical abuse. And fortunately/unfortunately I was a combat marine so when he did cross the line into physical abuse? I was usually able to wrap him up and shut him down really fast. Roll with a blow, grab & twist his arm up behind him and throw him out of the house for a few weeks. (Daddy is on a BIG timeout. We don't hurt the people we love, if we get angry we take a timeout and cool down, not hit people. // That's right, baby. We don't hurt the people we love. And daddy IS on a big timeout for trying to.) Unfortunately? Why am I using that word? Because I wanted to leave him for 6 years, but with no history of domestic violence calls / injuries / etc.? There was no way he wouldn't get at least half custody. And I wasn't willing to leave my son alone with a man I couldn't handle. Bit of a catch22.

Eventually it got to the point where "usually" able to handle myself meant that I had to be lucky all the time. He only had to be lucky, once. His third serious attempt to kill me came really close.

Sexual abuse? Different story there. He was super fond of drugging me and raping me. Asshole.

***

As far as how to get rid of flashbacks & other symptoms? :D That's the whole point of trauma therapy. Processing trauma to kill it at the root, and learning coping mechanisms & other tools to deal with symptoms as they come up, until you're symptom free, or as close to symptom free as you want to be.
 
...Yah when I was dating my now x husband (I left when I was pregnant and he does have every other weekend now), he did drug and rape me as well. However, he somehow convinced me I had "blacked out" or else believe me....would have never ended up marrying me. I know now that the traumatic experience I had back then was definitely due to being drugged...I was young and naïve back then, I believed his lies. Then there was pretty extreme damaging sexual abuse and control after marriage. I used disassociation to cope with that and for years it didn't really feel real never dealt with any of it...sometimes now that I am coming out of disassociation I wish I could just go back to disassociating. I hate feeling this way...with the painful flashbacks and memories. I'm glad, I am not alone in feeling this way.

*marrying him
 
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