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Don't Even Know How to Deal With Teen Girl Moved Out

Discussion in 'General' started by permban0077, Nov 9, 2006.

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  1. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I was busting my ass with the school. I just came to brick walls. I needed hubs to help and sure he would have if he had known how but it got too far. Even tried to get local media involved.

    I have do not know how with this as you heal you do not break down over and over.

    She accused me again of lying about her dad?????? WTF? She hates me, so what is new? During this shit!!!!

    I left her alone with the guard dog since the toddler was asleep to go grab teen boy. I left her my cell phone. Said if anything or anyone showed up to call 911. Told her don't care if it is flipping the "real Santa" dial 911. She was home as we “boycotted “ school.

    I go in town to grab teen son and decide to be nice and send son in to grab snacks real fast at quickie mart... Rush home. She wasn't expecting me, as my boys gets out about an hour apart. I took the teen home first and in the drive way I stayed. Sent him in to grab my cell since he is home now. I leave to go back in town to get the younger boy.

    Wait in line for the other boy and look through my call history and saw a call went out to hubs while gone. So I call him to find out why she called him. He said he had no idea that she claimed he called her and was calling back. She was covering her tracks as my new phone is confusing as hell and she tried to cover last call dialed… Her f*ing father…

    Pissed was not a way to describe it. Ripping out my heart closer. Shit and to think I was the “tin man“.

    I had been telling her we will figure out a way to fight this. Teen boy pops in just take your schedule change, I told him to shut the hell up, she does not want to or deserve it. And I will be damned if I teach my girl she can be steam rolled, if women were not taught to fight then we still would not have “equal” rights.

    I made it clear I would fight this with her and be by her (even though she acted like a shithead.) I did and was trying to do what she wanted .

    But when I got home and asked her do you mind telling me what this is about? More I am a liar. “Daddy” never did that to you, this is your fault, I want to live with him I don’t want to be here… Y’all can see where the fight is going.

    About that time I heard it snap. My mind. I swear I almost beat the hell out of her. Did not lay a finger or blow, it was more of an implosion. Violent inward collapse is the best description.

    I said calmly is this what you really want and believe? Yep. I said fine… Called hubs and said pick up a nice new luggage set.

    She was beyond thrilled. Loaded up her aquarium, TV, stereo, mini fridge, mini water cooler, all her shit she wanted from her room, her expensive shabby chic décor … She acted shocked I let her. I told her over and over I loved her and I was not lying about that or her dad. And part of loving her was certainly not making her leave with clothes on her back. These were things I gave her. They are hers.

    The part that made me so ill she picked through her other things, our life together, and decided she did not want gifts I got her that were sentimental or from our vacations. “Not good enough” or “he will buy me what I want” like a snob. She sorted through her things and treated it as if it was all worthless shit and took the “really cool stuff“. Packed all the clothes she deemed suitable for her and left the rest. Whatever. I neatly folded and packed them in her new luggage set.

    I have huge plastic tubs that when the kids make me something or there is something important from a milestone I place it in them. We all call it here my mommy boxes. Those things will be placed there.

    I called her dad back with the number on my phone from her call after talking to her. I told him let’s make a deal… She wants there. Fine, so be it, I give up. BUT I am moving out of state and no going to the courts for it. Stay the f* out of my life. Do not come near me or my other teen. I said I will not give up my custody so he knows I can yank her ass right back if he jacks with me. I said in exchange of not trying to take me to court I won’t have them enforce the $100,000 past due. I am to have all info on her at all times, all numbers and addresses (like I don’t, he just does not know I do). He agreed. So I can send gifts and cards, she wants nothing to do with me at this point. (I am an evil liar in her eyes) But he says we will both get in trouble if you take me to court. I told him no shit, but it will be your ass in prison, not me. End of talk and told him to be there at a set time. Ex came over to stay with me until hubs came home and still would not give me my guns back… grumble.

    My hubs and the ex that raised her (one I forgave) told me this was coming and she has been in contact, I was dumb if I did not get that. She was getting ready to runaway and I was on a fast track to be put in a mental hospital over they way she treated me. I did what I had to. Both were consoling me saying I was going to hit a point of lose her or lose all 4. Just in my head I feel like I gave her up and moms are not supposed to do that.

    I typed up all info and paper trial from school and gave it to hubs. Had hubs deal with the ex. And assist in loading her things.

    We have 6 months max left in the account to afford to keep our heads above water pointed out to me and I have to sell my farm. We will move to be by his mom who can care for me and the kids when needed and give me breaks. Promised I could keep needed breeders to start over and we will find me another farm. Other ex (forgiven one) said he would fly him and my son out at least a couple times a month and for holidays and summer to visit.

    I was just in shock and have been s sick, I am so angry and my heart is broken and I can’t help but blame myself. I could feel the total shutdown coming. No money for lawyers and hubs can’t make money staying with me when I cannot do for myself or baby.

    The hardest part was her siblings crying over her leaving and her just looking at them with hate, no hugs. I held her and told her I loved her. Her body was just limp and acted like just get away from me. She gleefully bounced to her dad out the door. No hugs, no it will be OK, I will see you… Nothing to her siblings.

    I needed to feel something beyond heart break. I told hubs to take me to a parlor. I had my bad ink job fixed on my back. It was hard as he said the guy fried the job. But he fixes bad jobs… 3 & ½ a half hours later a beautiful piece of art. It goes from hip to hip on my lower back. Bigass tattoo. But he fixed it except for a couple tiny areas the other guy messed beyond repair. Had he tribal filled in. The tat was my tribute to motherhood. Their birth signs there he added to really gave them punch and they stand out beautifully.

    I tat to unwind and what a better one to work on? And ironic. He is going to spend the month of healing to see where it needs to be touched up to work on sketches to see how to bring all my tats together and complete the belt. Belly button to tail bone took photos to have it there to work on. He said he liked working on me, I did not whine, wiggle, or cry. He did wake me at one point to work on the edge of the hip area. He got a kick out of it as he said he zones out and naps during his.

    I told him what I had PTSD. (Think of being in a private room with your hair dresser for ladies, you tell them your shit) I said I have had an image in my head I want to represent that condition and how I feel but need it designed. His favorite part, as he hates tribal as no imagination, but pays the bills. A nude woman bound with chains on her knees and head hung low with long dark red hair falling down. PTSD in my head and would be my only color added to the work. And tats, well they reflect you, no one else has to get it but he seemed to really get it and excited to do it.

    Trying to not break down but I felt like my hands were tied and no choice. Sometimes you have to let go I suppose… But I just want to curl up and die failing with her.

    Going to go lay back down…
     
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  3. JoannaG

    JoannaG Active Member

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    Oh Veiled so sorry about your daughter. My oldest son did same to me at fourteen. Had made up image of his dad and lashed out all anger at me, and brothers. Let him go to learn for himself what dad was truly like. Remember how heartbroken I was at the time. His anger lasted four years. He did eventually grow out of it. He is 22 now.
    Am here for you.:hello:
     
  4. piglet

    piglet Well-Known Member

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    Hey Veiled. She's a teenager, just finding her way in the world, and driving you nuts in the process. She will come back. I don't know how you feel, cos I don't have kids, but I know you must be hurting like hell.

    You can't win everything. You have NOT failed. You have done your best for her, and that's all you can do. She will recognise that one day.
     
  5. YoungAndAngry

    YoungAndAngry Well-Known Member

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    Veiled,

    We are here for you,
    Life can be so aggrevating sometimes,
    you were smart to recognize how stressed you were,
    and took some time for yourself

    I've been itching to get a tattoo,
    but as you said... I want it to represent my PTSD
    and when I figure out the perfect image, I'm going for it
     
  6. kimG

    kimG Well-Known Member

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    Veiled, if I could reach through this computer and hug you I would!

    I'm sorry to hear your daughter is acting like such a sh*t. Being 13 isn't easy (goodness knows I hated it when I was that age); combine that with the fact that she knows it all (LOL), it's trouble.

    She has made her mind up and nothing is going to change it. Although letting her go is/was hard, it's something she needs to do, to find out on her own. She just might surprise you and beg to come back. I know right now it doesn't look like it, but I'd bet money that that will happen sooner or later.

    My heart is with you. I'm here for you (as are so many others here); just let me know what I may do for you!
     
  7. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    veiled, i'm sorry you're going through all this right now. not the best time, huh?
    one thing, she's going to learn the truth sooner or later if she's living with him.
    (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))
     
  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I will be buying the f*ing pink electric guitar with amp still like she wanted... He thinks he can do this... We will see. HA F.U. bastard. We had already planned to get her one as hubs has several and she wanted one. We were going to get it as a Christmas present. The fuc*er has had jack shit to do with her for years. And teen girl hormones? Hello dumb ass, welcome to the real world. Want to play parent and do it coming in on a teen girl? How many ways do you spell stupid?

    I fully expect crys at some point to come home. I will leave her to deal with it. I will not play bounce back and forth. After I feel it is long enough I will let her home, but only when she gets it and her father is tired of playing dad. I will most likely wait for his call of come get her... I know being bounced back and forth will cause more harm than good. He lays a hand on her, well, he will meet the same people who met my niece's rapist. Nothing but a meeting I swear... I would never stoop so "low".

    I am still trashed, who could not be? I have cried all day. I want to rip doc a new ass as he told hubs this is a good thing. Excuse the f* out of me???? He told hubs it will be better for me. Shit that meeting with hubs today is a whole new story and a whole lot more crying, I will get to it in another thread. But I swear I want to rip his f*ing throat out(doc). I don't give a rat's ass if it is "good for me" or how it can be... Moron.

    Her room is a mess from her pulling through her shit and leaving things discarded. Teen boy already laying claim so he does not have to share a room with lil' bro. I wanted to knock the living hell out of him, shit let the body cool first you asshole. This house is oozing with sensitivity right now. NOT

    Hubs wants to go through her room this weekend as our room to fix up. I had set out a plan where once a week we pull a room from the hat to work on as a family to fix up. It was suppossed to be bathrooms. The toddler picks from the kitty as she can't read. I can't even go upstairs without bawling and I have to clean it out and fix it up???

    I would rather it look like a pig's sty, at least it would look like she was still here. I am and have fought so hard not to call, crying again great, made hubs call. I just want to protect her, her love in return, not thrown in my face. Why and how can children rip your heart out and cram it down your throat with such ease?

    Only "good" thing. It seems to have eased the fear of him coming after me. Why? He swore that was not his kid because of her blonde hair and green eyes... though 3 blondes and 2 blue eyed one green later... And I look a bit Native (just lil'), but other than not having her dads dark eyes and hair color she is a spitting image of him. He wanted abortions and beat me for being pregnant for the love of God.

    I am terrified of her coming back and being pregnant or on drugs... I know my head going wild but shit I feel like the ultimate f* up and at least hubs feels a bit of a failure too. But he left THAT part out with doc.

    Where is the big pause button for life???? Excuse me, I am rambling and trying to get this out, but I know it won't. She is my baby, how can it just be vented or let out? It is a horrible wound.
     
  9. JoannaG

    JoannaG Active Member

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    Ripped my heart out toowhen boy left. Don't be in too much rush to change room yourself just yet. If teen boy wants room so bad let him fix it up and hubs could kick in too. Your stressed out enough over her being little shit. Can they pick up any of the slack for you. Understand teen boy wanting private room.
    As for her dad, don't let him bully you over this. My ex used to love rubbing the wound, don't let her or him bounce and play you both. You did the right thing. She "knows" you love her. She is not sure about dad. Thats why you get the crap, she knows you will forgive and support her and that she can push your buttons. Rant, rage and you will still love her. Famous teen crap. I am the only one to have boys aside from one nefew my age. All my other sisters had girls and yes they can be worse than the boys.
    "Oh I'm thirteen and growing into or out of training bra so I'm grown up now and will do what I want and pull my family through the ringer.":doh:
    Hopes ex has fun dealing with her anger.
    You did your best too support her and I am sure the school shit is screwing with her head too as it is yours and your families.
    ie. moms going to tell whole world [news reporters] I was raped. Was she ready for this. Not yours or her fault. F***in rapists and schools.:think:
    See if ex will make/convince her continue seeing counsellor so she can figure herself out without you or ex. Or have hubs do it for you. Give yourself a break. hugs
     
  10. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    If it's any consolation veiled, I was absolutely horrid at 13... drove my dad crazy. Especially since he tried to order me around like he was my commanding officer, and I wouldn't comply haha. I did grow out of it though, around 15, and now I think back on it and cringe with embarrassment.
     
  11. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Veiled,

    I'm sorry for the torment that your 'baby' is putting you through now. Like you need the extra stress! I wasn't exactly sugar and spice to my Mum either but I never wanted to go to my fathers (if you can use that term for a biological asshole who did nothing for us) only my grandparents. I don't have any words of wisdom for you except to say I hope she see's the real person her father is sooner rather than later. As for her bedroom, explain to your husband and teenage son that they just have to let it lie for a bit. Being male of the species they are being practical about the situation and your a mum and its emotional for you. Shit it would bust me up. They won't get it but I sure as hell do. The bedroom can wait!

    Take care of you right now. The teenager and hubby can fend for themselves for a bit. Look after you and if the best that you can do for your other babes is hug them right now, well that is better than nothing. They will know, like your eldest daughter does that you love them.
     
  12. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Veiled, she is being a teen, nothing more, nothing less, and a teen from a broken relationship, which just gives teens more ammo as such to use against the one they live with. They change teams, and they find it isn't all rosy and pink like they had invisaged it. I know, because my boy thought he would have the world financially as we are much more financial than his mother, and he still gets the same love from me, but he was wrong with the possession in a big way, and doesn't like it much. He is fighting, kicking and screaming the whole way through puberty, but he is going to have to live with it, because we all go through it, some just longer than others.

    She is confused, she is muddled, her mind is far from thinking straight at the moment. All she see's is opportunity to get away with more shit, which mine thought also, but was so wrong. In fact it is worse for him now, because he walked all over his mother, and he can't with me.

    The decisions they make doesn't mean we stop loving them, regardless what comes out of their mouth, they still don't comprehend the meaning of words just yet, but she will soon enough, and when it all hits her, then the guilt will kick in, no doubt. My ex wife didn't want Logan to come live with me, but she legally had no choice, neither did I really, because at 14 and a half here, children are legally aloud to make that decision for themselves. All she can do is let him know that her door is always open for him if he wants to go home.

    He wanted the big city, the city life and all the crap that we despise so much, he wanted it, and now he has it, it is no different to what he had before in a smaller city really, bar some shopping centre's. They must learn for themselves... unfortunately they just don't see the pain that they cause their parents by doing so.

    Be kind to yourself veiled, because this is not your fault, and nothing you could do would change her mind, because she is a know all teenager who believes she knows more than you do... as they all think. She will learn. Maybe it will work out for her and she will be happy with her dad, maybe it won't... another waiting game really.
     
  13. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Well, I am seeing I have to just accept it. I don't want to. But I will be spinning my wheels if I do not. Too damn much spinning on my end as it is lately.

    The teen and hubs are still proceeding with her room. Bed just got shipped down the stairs to go to the dump. They are trying to involve me even though I made it clear don't. Not ready. Should not ask me what to do with the bed as I said just throw the f*er away. I am not in a pleasant mood to say the least.

    It is tough and hurts. But have to accept. Thought about it. This is where I am in my head. Not sure my door will be open. I cannot allow her to bounce around or back and forth. If he lays a hand on her I will hurt him. Then she can come home. But if he is not abusing her she is going to have to suck it up. I cannot do this emotional head game with her.

    I will worry and plan on sending her some packs of stationary sets and stamps to her. Everything I send will be certified. They will have to sign for it and shown reciept.

    I sit back for years and years and think of all the ways I could make that man who almost killed me life a living hell in return daily as he has mine. Shit she will do it for me, after all she is a female teenager, how much worse can I do to him? I KNOW her and all her games. Ha ha he has no clue what is going to hit him LMAO... I am hoping the both get a wake up call. And I plan on sitting back watching. How in the hell do you think you are going to be an absent parent - a sperm donor to suddenly turn "daddy" to a hormonal out of control teen girl? I am just going to sit back and enjoy the show.
     
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