whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
I can't think of any other way to describe this. I'm feeling (and have felt, for many months, maybe longer) very disconnected from people around me. It's different from the usual dissociation I get. I feel alien in this world. Ok, I am not delusional and believe I am an alien - although that might be fun :p - but I don't feel like I belong here.
I talk to people (when I have to) and am able to hold rational, intelligent, coherent conversations, but it feels like there is a film between me and them. And it is painful to interact with others. Inside I am screaming or I just want to burst into tears.
Sometimes, when the disconnection or the interactions get to be too painful I cut and that makes it feel better. I think because it puts this body in contact more with the "real" world.
Seems all this might have something to do with my extreme lack of trust in anybody and my also the fact that all the times I've tried to reach out to people here, for help or just for friendship, no one has reached back. Or that no one ever reaches out to me. I think over the last year or so I've isolated more and more, to the point that I communicate more with my cats than I do with people. People don't feel safe at all, so I limit interaction with them to very superficial stuff.
I don't know how to move out of this place I'm in and back out into the world. :-(
I talk to people (when I have to) and am able to hold rational, intelligent, coherent conversations, but it feels like there is a film between me and them. And it is painful to interact with others. Inside I am screaming or I just want to burst into tears.
Sometimes, when the disconnection or the interactions get to be too painful I cut and that makes it feel better. I think because it puts this body in contact more with the "real" world.
Seems all this might have something to do with my extreme lack of trust in anybody and my also the fact that all the times I've tried to reach out to people here, for help or just for friendship, no one has reached back. Or that no one ever reaches out to me. I think over the last year or so I've isolated more and more, to the point that I communicate more with my cats than I do with people. People don't feel safe at all, so I limit interaction with them to very superficial stuff.
I don't know how to move out of this place I'm in and back out into the world. :-(