I hope it's ok to post this here.
I am so so scared. I have only recently started to face (half talk about) childhood stuff (my mum's partner) and I have never doubted what happened I always knew I just could never and can't talk about it.
I've done a stupid thing and looked for his foster daughter (now adult) on Facebook and I found her and her picture was of him and his wife and he's playing the devoted husband and looking all kind and now I'm like, f*ck did I make it all up, did I misinterpret it all (I can't have), what if I've confused it in my head and it was my dad not him. Uuurgh.
And at the same time I cannot focus and I have been curled up in a ball shaking and I can feel my skin crawling. I sort of convinced myself she must have been affected too but she doesn't seem to have. I had really hoped he was dead, really really hoped he was.
I am having horrible intrusive thoughts and thinking if I talk about this as I'm starting to something really bad will happen to punish me. I feel like I'm going completely mad.
I am so so scared. I have only recently started to face (half talk about) childhood stuff (my mum's partner) and I have never doubted what happened I always knew I just could never and can't talk about it.
I've done a stupid thing and looked for his foster daughter (now adult) on Facebook and I found her and her picture was of him and his wife and he's playing the devoted husband and looking all kind and now I'm like, f*ck did I make it all up, did I misinterpret it all (I can't have), what if I've confused it in my head and it was my dad not him. Uuurgh.
And at the same time I cannot focus and I have been curled up in a ball shaking and I can feel my skin crawling. I sort of convinced myself she must have been affected too but she doesn't seem to have. I had really hoped he was dead, really really hoped he was.
I am having horrible intrusive thoughts and thinking if I talk about this as I'm starting to something really bad will happen to punish me. I feel like I'm going completely mad.