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Don't Wanna Watch It Fall Apart

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PittieMama

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So I've been seeing my boyfriend, a vet with PTSD, for about 6mo. For the first 3 or 4 months, he was perfect, everything (i thought) was perfect. To me, his first "episode" took me by complete surprise and scared me more than anything. It was like watching Dr. Jeckyll turn into Mr. Hyde. I didn't understand fully what was going on and the only way i knew to protect myself from being hurt was to end it. We started talking again a month later and he was Dr. Jeckyll again, making promises and reassurances that we would get help.
He had another mood swing over the weekend, I think triggered by my roommate not really accepting that he and i were back together and by my friend, who i briefly dated 3 years ago, coming into town to visit. We went from close and fuzzy to barely speaking. After reading some of the threads on here, I decided to give him space but I'm torn up inside. My intentions were always pure and I never meant to hurt him or make him angry. I feel guilty, scared, hopeless. I don't know what to do.
 
He is probably suffering from severe paranoia and trust/abandonment issues. Until he gets professional help, it won't get any easier, unfortunately. It is an extremely difficult thing to overcome.
 
I know his last relationship with the mother of his 2 boys was very volatile; she had her owe mental health issues which contributed to the problem, plus she cheated on him several times and was emotionally abusive. They've been broken up for almost 2 years, but since they have children together he still has to deal with her and I know it's hard for him. To put it in Pink Floyd terms, I guess it's just another brick in the wall...

He has a therapist, but only sees her once/month. We're supposed to be getting into couples therapy thru the VA so I'm hoping that if that ever happens (with the VA, it seems iffy) they'll help us sort this mess out...
 
Welcome to the roller coaster.

I was with my vet about 5 months before the first PTSD episode too. Sometimes it is like walking through a field of rakes blindfolded... everything is just fine, then *bam* right in the face. The most important thing is to learn that it isn't anything that YOU are doing. You are not "triggering" him. He is experiencing stressors, and not managing them well. He may not be at a point where he can manage them at all. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/stressor-vs-trigger-what-is-a-trigger.9903/

There isn't going to be anything you personally can do to fix it. He needs treatment... don't get me started on the once a month "treatments" the VA gives them. My vet actually had to have inpatient treatment for his combat PTSD at a place that was for vets, but NOT ran by the VA. He got the most help there. The VA is just his maintenance now... and it can't even manage that.

As far as you as a supporter, all you can do is take a deep breath, not take it personally, and be calm. Sucky, I know, but that is the best way to get through an "episode." Take care of yourself first. That's a good way to start.

It's kinda hard to give a lot of advice all at once, but just know you are not alone, and it is possible to have a healthy relationship with a PTSD sufferer if you both put in the effort.
 
I need to save some of the amazing responses/words of wisdom found in the forums. Then I can re-read and remind myself (or even to provide to the hubby maybe) that I'm not alone, he's not alone and we're not alone.
 
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