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Double Binds And Survival

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Nodufu

My life often seems to be full of double (and other multiple) binds that create tons of confusion and inability to act. Not unusual for survivors of childhood trauma. I've been reading up on this and found something interesting in an old thread, that we get into these situations because we are so fragmented internally that different parts of us want different things. That resonates with me, and I would add that different parts may believe different things.

In classic examples of double binds, a "choice" is presented that isn't any choice at all, where the person being given the choice will suffer no matter what they choose. In my life it seems like I get into these situations a lot of the time without anyone clearly presenting a choice. It's as if I back myself into corners by some reflex action and don't notice it until it's too late and there is no action I can take that doesn't spell disaster. Often the disaster has to do with survival, or feels like it does.

This is pretty abstract. Let me be more specific. I am working with body memories, and my reactions to certain triggers have been pretty consistent over time. I experience enormous distress when reading about children either watching other children killed or being forced to kill animals. My somatic and emotional reactions are intense. These consistent reactions repeated over time lead me to believe something may have happened to cause these trauma responses, and while I have a pretty good sense of what this was, my ability to believe it waxes and wanes enormously.

I also go through extreme distress when I am not able to keep other people safe, and can have the same kinds of somatic reactions. It can be hard or impossible to tell when the danger is real and when my responses are exaggerated. This goes way beyond either empathy or a need to take care of others. I'm struggling for words trying to describe what this is like but it is a huge issue for me and can also be hard on others around me.

I suspect I am not the only one to have a problem like this. Does anyone have experience getting through an issue like this and coming to a more peaceful, balanced place with it? I would guess like so many trauma issues it's a case of two steps forward and one step back, but it's affecting my life enough that I'm getting desperate to find something to do about it.
 
I can understand how you feel, I have the same issues but I haven't any advice as I can't afford therapy right now :(
 
In classic examples of double binds, a "choice" is presented that isn't any choice at all, where the person being given the choice will suffer no matter what they choose.

This strikes a chord with me. Although I have difficulty following my own advice, I believe (intellectually) that the best courses of action are the ones which draw the least attention from the bullies, preferably, none at all. All bullies are mentally ill. When left to themselves, they invariably seek out conflicts with other people. A conflict between bullies and other victims tends to limit the bullies ability to harm me.
 
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