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Downfall

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Rani G2

MyPTSD Pro
I am sorry I am coming around with another thread. But its getting harder and harder....these days

I have stable days, I made progression.

Now, I feel as if I cannot stay here anymore.

I feel inner turmoil.

Why should one live?
 
If you read much around the forum, you start to see this as a pattern of healing... good -bad, happy-sad, up-down.... for me it was just a way to see the places I needed to work on balance.... if we are not commited , and I mean really commited, to the work, it still gets better, but will simply take longer... You are still doing good !!! You're still asking questions, you are still alive....

If death was taken completely taken off the table for options, what would you be doing?
Much love to you !!!
 
I think @_JustMe_ is correct, in the way of such a goal.

This probably isn't helpful, but it relates to that (mostly un)spoken mindset and it's opposite above. I don't know how to express it without describing what I heard:

Two days ago someone told me their mother, who was a Minister, said "When you are ready to die- not necessarily terminally ill just ready to die- stop eating." And that she did, and now her H is. I thought to myself, 'I know that, right'. But I also thought later, that is not 'solution based' for how to live. But most of all, it's very negative. Oddly, the H is negative about things. I thought to myself I've never been negative- oh, totally negative in terms of terror, and fear, and despair (complete with trying suicide)- yes quite hopeless, and quite a hopeless case. :( But not negative in terms of complaining about all food I eat, or small things, or to not see the beauty obtained through sight(s), or music or senses, or something that touches my heart. Etc.

What I mean is, the mindset that makes not eating be the accomplishment, is the negative part to change. And very difficult too, if we don't feel we have value or are a burden.

Hugs to you I hope it improves, xox. :hug:
 
If you wait a day, maybe this feeling will change. It is a feeling, not a fact. I was suicidal for several years, tried several times, and then my brother suicided. I was so traumatized by this, knowing that he would never get better when he had made so much progress, he could never try again to succeed, he could never see his step-kids as adults, it was done, over, no more chances to love. It shut off my feelings of giving up. Start a list of things you are grateful for. This works so well. You haven't even read Stranger in a Strange Land yet. When I was suicidal in my 20s, (my fiance had left me after my leg was broken so badly that they didn't know if I would walk again), I had lots of pain medicine and I was going to take it. Then I thought, I will wait one day, and if I want to take it I will. I did the same the next day, and the next, then I didn't have to. There are good things out there, good people, beautiful scenery, great books, the joy of planting a garden, pets, lots of free stuff to make into better stuff. You will never know how the story ends if you cut it short.
 
Hello,

thank you very much for getting back at me!


You are still doing good !!! You're still asking questions, you are still alive....


If death was taken completely taken off the table for options, what would you be doing?
Much love to you !!!

Ladee!!!! Very kind of you! Yes....still alive and living. It has been a very very hard time, and I wasnt able to ground myself. I am here, and I am trying...

Thank you Dear Ladee!


Stable days and progression.

Guess...that how I need to look at it. Thanks.

Because we want to see what happens if we actually make it..

Words to think about.....thanks !!!!

And very difficult too, if we don't feel we have value or are a burden.

Hugs to you I hope it improves, xox. :hug:

Thank you Junebug! Thats the point....value! selfworth ! Are issues I am yet dealing with.

There are good things out there, good people, beautiful scenery, great books, the joy of planting a garden, pets, lots of free stuff to make into better stuff. You will never know how the story ends if you cut it short.

Thank you, you have written beautifully!!! I think a part of me Santa discover things in life, its a very difficult process..for us all.


Thank you all.
 
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