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Dreams and Memories Unplugged

Discussion in 'General' started by catatonicky, Jan 25, 2007.

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  1. catatonicky

    catatonicky Member

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    Something that interests me is how PTSD not only does stuff to your memory as in you remember stuff you've repressed and you can also have current memory gaps for no reason when dissociating, but that DREAMS are so extroadinarily vivid and that we DO remember dreams in such detail. I've talked to many people about dreams who dont remember ANY dreams, let alone detailed nightmares. I often have several every night and wake with total recall. Sometimes they run in "episodes" over several nights or weeks. I've had the same/similar dreams running over the entire time i've had PTSD (not the trauma recall ones but tidal wave ones or water slowly filling up rooms, its almost comical because i can be having a totally unrelated pleasant dream and then i see a trickle of water running down a wall and i laugh "Oh that again! Soon the room will be filling up and we'll all drown yeah yeah give it a break subconscious!)

    I've tried writing them down, then leaving them, like a sort of excretion. I've tried the dream-techniques of "making the dream different" within the dream. I've had vivid torture Hellraiser-style nightmares for the last nine years. Some would make great movies. I've done Jungian dream therapy. Ah well, i just accept them now, and i've stopped mulling over them. The worst thing is how they linger through the day....poisoning your waking hours as well, making you feel exhausted.

    How is it that you can have total recall of 3-4 dreams a night and then forget how you drove home? Your neighbours name? How old you are? Someone's name 2 seconds after they tell you it? Basic stuff. But total dream clarity? colours, odours, everything? Its weird. Probly some PTSD brain thing. I've even experimented with it myself and can consciously make myself "forget" things. I just wish i could forget that i have PTSD.
     
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  3. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Cata-

    I've never been one of those people who remembers their dreams. And if I do, it's usually just bits and pieces and more of a feeling of what the dream was about than remembering an actual sequence of events. The one exception (since my symptoms started) was very graphic and very violent and didn't bother me in the least. My therapist said from what happened in the dream, it was my subconscious dealing some with my initial trauma.

    But then again, some mornings I wake up more tired than then I went to bed, feeling like I could break into tears at the drop of a hat, etc. He said that's because I am dreaming and remembering, although my conscious mind doesn't remember. But my body is remembering and on days like those, it takes about half a day until I feel like I've got my bearings back.

    BTW-I wish I could forget I have PTSD, too!!
     
  4. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    ooh, cat-i forget stuff like that too, not as bad now as in the beginning, though. i don't remember dreams right now,might be because i'm not sleeping,lol. my husband wakes me up, and asks me if i'm ok, and tells me i've been having a bad dream, but i don't remember. i used to have a lot of those tidal wave coming down a hallway at you dreams, and dragging a little kid with me down a hall. but nothing lately. i am glad i don't remember them!
    cathy
     
  5. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Like others I have not had strong memory dreams in a while. I have been back to sleeping at night normally. I have not had any hard core nightmares in a bit. I have not woken in panic in a while too (at times I just woke in panic with no recall). I can say it is this place here that helped me work through things enough I don't do that now. I have been up all night tonight, but that is because me teen daughter is a pain in the ass... And hell you can stay up for hours on end if you are paranoid. An out of control teen can do that to you!
     
  6. catatonicky

    catatonicky Member

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    I'm new to this forum, and as i've been going through older posts and i can see this topic of memory and dreams has been dealt with and posted on quite extensively already - sorry 'bout that! Some really good info in them, too, about memory and the hippocampus, etc. There is alot here to get through and all of it is valuable.

    Another weird thing though, that i think may be related to sleep disturbance and PTSD, and which isnt getting better (if anything is getting worse), i dont know if anyone else has this, but i talk alot in my sleep. Well, in that half-asleep-phase, just before i fall into a deep sleep, its like i am still sort of awake and i even answer questions. The thing is its like a confused child answering, with alot of nonsense connections from nowhere, and also terribly embarrasingly honest replies like i've taken a truth serum. This makes me paranoid about certain situations where i tend to "nod off", eg watching tv, at the movies, during boring lectures, whenever i'm sitting still for long periods, even reading my kids stories in bed i cant get too comfortable in case i start falling asleep and i start "reading" some bizaare dark fairytale in my own mind. I say stuff like "its time to put on the chicken suit" or "shut the window they are coming in" "Who is it? Who is there!" "and "they fell down, through the glass, where it was dark"! My kids think its hilarious and make fun of me. I think it might be because i'm always a bit afraid to fall asleep deeply because the dreams start again, so its like i'm fighting it. Its the same about being intoxicated; i cant do anything like drink or smoke dope with others socially because i am afraid of what i might say, of losing control and letting out something freaky.....eg did i say that or did i think that? did they hear me say that or did i just say it in my head? Or maybe its an MPD thing, i dont know. I havent been officially diagnosed with that and i really hope its not that, thats just too horrifying.

    As to lying awake worrying over kids, yes veiled, the hours i've spent worrying, angsting and conflicted about my 16-year old son..... lying in the dark just hoping that he has a safe and sane life...... i know that one! Parenting a teenager - yikes! Now THATS really scary! Talk about loss of control issues! Yet at the same time, for me, if i didnt have them, i wouldnt be here, simple as that. My anchors, the darling terrors.
     
  7. catatonicky

    catatonicky Member

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    OMG - the tidal wave coming, dragging a small child with you....thats MY dream! And no-one believes you when you say its coming, and you have to run to higher ground, up stairways and over roofs, but as it comes it drags cars, rubble, bodies, everything before it, it weighs a ton and crushes everything.......or the sea starts rising, i can see the wave coming, my feet are dragging in the sand, i've got to save my own or other kids or babies....over and over every variation. The symbolism of emotion out of control is obvious, but even knowing that dosnt stop the dream. I still get them. We should start a club; the Tidal Wave dream club.
     
  8. elvis

    elvis Active Member

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    Tidal Wave Dream Club...whoa.

    so i had this weird dream (i don't always remember them) but my husband said i was talking in my sleep and i woke up and the sheets were half off my side of the bed. in the dream, what i remember of it, there were all of these middle aged men flirting with me, looking me up and down, doing things and i panicked. and then little Abigail (a close friend's daughter who i ADORE) came up to me and was like "Look out the window" and it was at first like snowflakes of light and then when i looked closer it was birds whose feathers were reflecting the light. i picked her up and was hugging her and went to show her where the little dipper was in the sky and pointed and all of a sudden it started moving and then filled up and fell to the ground. this started happening with the other stars and constellations and the sky literally started falling apart. and i said to her father (a friend), "do you see that" and he took a long time to answer and was like "see what?" and abigail said "look at the stars!" and then everyone was like "that's not possible" and then we all started running b/c there was a huge tidal wave coming over houses and straight for us.

    i wanted to post that (i just sent my friend an email telling her about it).

    what is with that? i used to have a lot of war and combat/violent dreams as a child living at home.
     
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