panic attacks , extreme anxiety, si, flashbacks, nightmares have rolled back enough that i feel some control in my own thoughts and state - and this is very good as it's clear that staying mired in fear doesn't help anything much, especially self care or any else progressive. i think i understand what's going on and i still don't like it much as while in itself it is progress to recognize limitation it's a barrier (the ptsd feelings and behaviour). i am trying, to visualize myself landing a manageable job, successfully curing hep c on current meds seems possible att, some social indicators are helping, and the hep c meds appear to be helping me feel better in some ways but arthritis /fibromyalgia and neuropathy types of pain, and feelings of - typical feelings of hopelessness, inability to change quickly enough, be effective, switch from ptsd stricken to socially functional mood. find work, income. this is hard to imagine as i know that work demands extra when self care and a little volunteering already take the days, and no evening really exists as insomnia dictates that i devote them to sleep, as for example if i am awake at 11 i will be awake again by 2 so forget adequate sleep. besides i have to find income or risk the expected situations. meantime i am slow ass applying g for disability again. guess i don't really want to self identify as in need of a long term hand up. the recovery process is slow and mingles with long term ... lack of will i suppose. if the hep c clears in a couple months i could be healthy except for arthritis and ptsd so need to invent a life fastish now. what i did before doesn't directly support what would work favorably now. i will get on the ed/occupational forum soon.