Today the state took out a domestic violence charge... against me, after I knocked out my boyfriend in the middle of a suicide attempt... his second attempt this month. He was in the middle of a severe flashback, and began doing the same things he did the last time he tried to kill himself... I felt it was a matter of life and death. He retrieved one of his knives from the spot where I thought it was hiding... I won't get into detail, but he didn't harm himself. He said he was going to kill himself, that this was the place he'd do it, and that he'd bleed out on my floor... then proceeded groan/scream the way he did the last time he opened himself up in an attempt to end his own life. I didn't hesitate, and it only took me a second or so to scan every item in reach. I chose the least harmful looking object I thought would subdue him and I took him out. I'm so scared and sad... he didn't want to be involuntarily admitted so he insisted that he didn't know what had happened and he was just minding his own business and even his mental health evaluator told me that she and the cops thought I was lying. He admitted to remembering a short series of suicide threats and outbursts, grabbing knives and utensils, appearing to struggle with them. He remembered one-hand-flinging me half way across the room and into the wall when I tried to take the knife sharpener from him. He told me he was trying to kill himself with a utensil that ended up bending against his skin before finding himself in a place where he said he felt he couldn't stop, and admitting that he's only been cutting deeper of late. Now I'm facing assault charges for intervening on his life, knowing full well that putting my body between him and the knife could have been dangerous... wondering if he even fully registered who I was. I've been having flashbacks of his first suicide attempt, and this is not as graphic but still haunts me, so that sometimes I feel like I'm in this spinning whirlwind of scenes from that night. Like I'm turning circles and everywhere I turn, the image of him in some dramatic stride toward self-harm or death. No idea what to do. I never wanted to hurt him and I'm heartbroken that anyone could have thought it was malicious. But I also feel incredibly guilty and shit that it went that far... seriously wondering what the hell to do if he needs intervention again and I'm the only one there. He told me to place my hands over his and to speak calmly and slowly but I've already been hurt more than once while he's in a state like that... I want to be supportive while taking care of myself and I don't know what to do.