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Supporter Eggshells Are Not My Friend...

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by JBKG, Jun 1, 2012.

  1. JBKG

    JBKG New Member

    Hi, I'm glad I found this website, where hopefully I can get some support as a supporter, and maybe even offer some of my experiences to help others as well.

    I have felt alone coping with my partner's PTSD as well as her chronic illnesses and am feeling extremely overwhelmed trying to "make everything OK" in the house: for her, for my kids, for me. There are eggshells all over my floor and I tread lightly...and I'm tired of it.

    Thanks in advance for listening. :unsure:
    Eleanor likes this.
  2. ^^FlyingSolo^^

    ^^FlyingSolo^^ - Acceptance, hope, Courage, Forgivness -

    Welcome to the forum!
  3. JBKG

    JBKG New Member

    Thank you FlyingSolo. :)
  4. sheri G

    sheri G New Member

    I too have the floor in my home covered in eggshells. It is a struggle. I get weary of it and need to take breaks once in a while. My husband understands, and occasionally I will take a few days and go visit a friend out of town or he will schedule a fishing trip which will give me some time to myself.

    I think it's important as a supporter to make sure we are filling our buckets up so that we don't get empty. If we are empty, we are vulnerable emotionally and will not be at our best to take care of our spouses and children. It's ok to give yourself permission to take care of yourself. It was hard for me to learn this. I would feel guilty for taking time for me. But I have learned that we are at our best when we have filled up our own buckets, so that they do not get empty as we care for our loved ones.

    It's ok that things aren't always ok. We can't always fix everything. We want to, sure. But our humanity gets in the way. We just can't be everything, do everything to make it all go away or take the pain away. There are situations, things that happen, that are beyond our control and fixing it isn't always an option.

    I took a class last year that taught me that acceptance is the first step out of the pain. I didn't agree with it at first. I'm NOT accepting the "insert bad thing here". It's wrong and I'm not accepting it. It wasn't about saying the situation was ok. It was an acknowledgement that reality can be ugly sometimes and I don't have a fix or the control to change it. If I refuse to accept reality, then what? Then I suffer longer, so do those I love.

    The class I took was called DBT Dialectical behavioral therapy and it really helped pull me from the depression and gave me some new tools that I wish I had had my whole life. Coping skills which have made all the difference for my family. I took the class, and am much better able to support my spouse and daughter than I was before. It isn't a secret formula, just easy concepts that have eluded me all this time.

    I wish you well. I have only been on this website a few days, but it is comforting to me to have a place I can come where I do not feel so alone.
    TryingToHoldOn and Eleanor like this.
  5. wife of

    wife of VIP Member

    Honesty and tact equates to a dustpan and brush for those damn eggshells...good luck on removing them..
    Muzikluvr likes this.
  6. Eleanor

    Eleanor VIP Member Premium Member

    I am working hard at ignoring the eggs and just walking as if they are not there...

    Welcome to the forum JBKG! :)
  7. Nerilee

    Nerilee New Member

    Oh the eggshells!! I know all about them.

    I try so hard however sometimes I can't help but trample over them. I wish I was super human!

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