koalaburger
Learning
I was so abused verbally and sometimes physically by my father. He called me stupid and tried to shut me up all the time. The only way I got attention was to be a pest and annoy him. Bad attention is better than no attention. All my life I have pushed into conversations and made a goose of myself. I have repeated the pattern and have tried so hard to stop this masochism. I have been in therapy for decades and tried to fit in at various groups of people. I am so terrified of rejection or abandonment it is automatic to make a dick of myself. The words come out of my mouth before I even think of them. I now isolate and watch TV and eat.