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Emdr Question

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June1960

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I have been trying to start EMDR with a new therapist. My previous therapist was incompetent and I unknowingly spent many years being messed up and re-traumatized by her. I think what I have would be called complex PTSD. It is extra-complicated by the fact that I was traumatized by medical and metal healthcare people so I find it impossible to trust them. I also experienced abuse from my mother.

We finally picked a first target. It is my previous therapist. We spent 2 sessions working on this. I was supposed to be able to start processing at the last session but I couldn't. My T told me to hold a picture in my mind of the trauma. She did hte bilateral audio thing. Then she stopped. I was still trying to form a picture. I got the basics of the previous T's office in my head and nothing else. I felt nothing. I told her I could not bring up a picture that fast. Also, during that someone started talking in the next room so I could hear voices murmuring. It was distracting. Then it was near hte end of the session and she wouldn't try again.

She told me to do nothing until I saw her next week. She told me I had to let go and let the process take over, not to try to think too much. She told me I was avoiding the memory, that's why I found things distracting. But, honestly, there is a window behind her that is next to a door and people go by. It's very distracting. When she tried to close the blinds, they wouldn't close all the way.

Seems she doesn't understand my personality. She is very different from me. I would never set up my desk right nest to a window with people passing by a few feet away all day. She had a scented oil machine going. I am very sensitive to smells and hate that sort of thing. And I have way better hearing than she does. All these things really were distractions.

Also, my previous idiot T but me on a benzo to keep me calm while she had me talk and talk endlessly about my recent and past traumas. I have only managed to wean half way off and am stuck. So I am on a low dose of Valium. I noticed it blunted my thinking and my memory. Also, my sleep is so bad that my brain is just very slow.

My situation is that I have about 6 months that I can devote to EMDR right now, so my doctor wants me to just stay on the Valium, do the EMDR for 6 months, and then go back to tapering the Valium, but much more slowly. I have a support forum helping me with that.

OK, sorry for rambling. Not able to edit and be concise any more.

Anybody with EMDR experience find they felt nothing and could not bring up the trauma? How did you get past it?

Thank you.

June
 
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