• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Emdr - Sequence Of Memories?

Status
Not open for further replies.

samson

Confident
I have been doing emdr now for two years. I have multiple traumas that begin in childhood. The most damaging ones occurred when I was a young adult and in a relationship with a sociopath. Those memories came up first in emdr and we painfully worked through those and actually remapped my brain. All of my ptsd symptoms related to that are gone. Then we moved on to childhood, which doesn't really involve any sexual abuse as far as I know.

This week I started having dreams about being sexually abused by adults. In these dreams everything is in the present. I'm my right age and the places this takes place are in my present. After the second dream, I had a flash memory that day of something that happened in 6th grade on a school bus with an older student. I got out my yearbook and realized I don't remember anything from that year of my life. It's so weird.

Anyway - I am really bummed and scared of this new memory. I don't understand why it didn't come up when we were processing the other sexual memories. It makes me afraid that I'm not done discovering the sexual abuse and I don't want to find out if my dad (who I loved very much) actually abused me and I've blocked it out.

Anyone have any experience like this?
 
When I first started on EMDR last may I rather stupidly wanted to see everything right then and took myself very aggressively back to my young childhood. I had suppressed to the point that when I actually sat down and thought about how much of my life I actually remember. I was in fact shocked to realize how much I had "blocked out".

Working through those memories was tough but I knew I had to work through them if I was to deal with my trauma's. We are all different and will all work through our pasts at different speeds and at differing depths of regression. You are with a good solid community here and we are all here to support each other when times get tough. PC me any time for a chat I would be only too glad to help if I can.

(Massive hug)

Laurie
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Working on the current issues in my life then tracing them back seems to be the trajectory of my EMDR journey as well.

I really am tired of unlocking more and more. But I can't heal from things I don't acknowledge. My trauma therapist assures me my brain believes I am safe to recover these memories now or I wouldn't be having them.

I still have whole years missing. It sucks. But, I trust the process though I may hate the vehicle I travel in on this journey.
 
I still have whole years missing. It sucks. But, I trust the process though I may hate the vehicle I travel in on this journey.

Very well put @BloomInWinter I too have massive chunks still to recover and am still relatively young in therapy and recovery. I fully acknowledge that many many sufferers on this forum are many a year further down that long road to full recovery than I. I say it many a time and will simply re-iterate it here. I am a stubborn big-headed oaf at times and I do see that I am trying to run in therapy when I should be taking baby steps. I crash spectacularly on a regular basis as a result and can spend days sometimes weeks in a right mess. That is my whole life summed up very simply. For me though I have always had to fight and nothing has changed. I fought them as a child and will continue to fight them now, but for differing reasons. Now I fight to get better and march on ahead in life. We all need different time-scales to heal. @BloomInWinter @samson big hugs to you both.

Laurie
 
Thanks guys. Always helps to hear that I'm not alone. I see my T tomorrow. I'm dreading it. I feel defeated, like this will never end.
 
Saw my T today. He was so great with everything. We talked about it for a while. Gave me the choice to just talk about it or do emdr on it. I decided to go ahead with the emdr. It was intense. Only one other flashback/ memory came up during that time. I'm hoping that will be all but I doubt it.

I asked him why it's coming up now and he said stuff comes up when your brain decides you are ready to deal with it. I really want to heal I just wish there was a clearer timeline. You are right @BloomInWinter.

Thanks everyone for your hugs and support.
 
Just joined .... Was a neglected 4th child of 5 w/ parents who verbally, emotionally and physically abused my siblings. I have very few memories but am starting EMDR on Wednesday as I'm tired of the walls I have up , the baggage I've carried and unkind perceptions/fears of nice people. If I can't remember events how will I get to them??
The therapist ? It'll come by talking about stuff?
 
As I face and process traumatic fragments, more fragments tend to be allowed to come forward into conscious awareness.

I remember things I had forgotten for decades. It feels strange but it is lowering my overall fears, phobias, avoidance, and opening up my views of the world.

It's not fun, but it is greatly rewarding to not have to hold so much back.
 
It feels strange but it is lowering my overall fears, phobias, avoidance, and opening up my views of the world.

Agreed. Most of my childhood was blocked as well. Being able to look back and understand why we do the things we do is highly rewarding. Freeing yourself from trauma has beautiful results.

Bloom where you are planted! :joyful:
 
@Suze24. My T explained to me that I had several traumatic memories stored in the wrong place in my brain. He said that I have spent alot of years training myself not to think about these things. As a visual he said to imagine they were behind caution tape. EMDR can allow us to work through the caution tape and retrieve those memories and process the emotions attached to them and then store them properly like our other memories. It's really okay if none of this makes sense right now. Trusting your therapist as well as the process of EMDR are the most important things to remember. You are brave and strong to be doing this process for yourself. I want to encourage you to take your time and try not to get in a hurry or frustrated. You brain wants to heal and it will only do it as fast as it can and as fast as you can handle it. I found over the last 2 years that I have very little control over how or when these memories will surface. Sometimes they surface during therapy and sometimes at home and sometimes at work. My T assures me every time that they are coming up because my brain is ready to process them.

Hugs to you and I hope this has helped explain a little. Also keep in mind everyone's experience is a little different.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top