Hey community, hoping to get some thoughts from you guys today. I live with my boyfriend and a few weeks back we almost broke up over my emotional flashbacks which usually manifest themselves with rage and pushing him away. I've been on my meds for a few weeks now, and have started therapy with a trauma clinic and my partner and I decided to start having weekly discussions that center around trying to strengthen our relationship in a structured way. We typically pick an article about relationships, communication, etc..., read through it separately and then come together to discuss the article.
So last night we have our talk and something in the article talks about housework. My partner criticized something I do around the house which threw me into a complete emotional flashback. At first I really had no clue where it was coming from I just knew I was defensive, angry, shaking, started feeling hot, etc.... My partner says, where is all of this coming from? And then I realized that in my early childhood trauma, chores and cleaning were a weekly source of abusive screaming, slapping, pushing down, etc... If it wasn't done perfect, brace yourself and pray she was in a good mood. I realized this subject immediately evokes feelings of fear, shame, embarrassment.
Well I shared this with my partner and his response was "that scares me, so either I say something and it throws you into a frenzy, or I eat it."
Don't get me wrong I understand his side, I'm sure it's not fun to tell you partner it bothers you when they don't take out the bathroom trash, and they have a panic attack over it... but it's really hard to share something so vulnerable from my childhood and to feel completely misunderstood by my partner, it makes me wonder if I should share these things with him when I'm in emotional flashback reaction.
I know I need to let go of some of this and move on, in this moment I feel I can't control some of the intense emotions that come over seemingly minimal things, but I'm taking my meds seriously and going to therapy. What do you guys think? Should I continue to tell him things? Should I just realize he will never "get it." Feeling a little lost and angry, although I know this is not his fault. How do you guys handle navigating these waters with your partners?
So last night we have our talk and something in the article talks about housework. My partner criticized something I do around the house which threw me into a complete emotional flashback. At first I really had no clue where it was coming from I just knew I was defensive, angry, shaking, started feeling hot, etc.... My partner says, where is all of this coming from? And then I realized that in my early childhood trauma, chores and cleaning were a weekly source of abusive screaming, slapping, pushing down, etc... If it wasn't done perfect, brace yourself and pray she was in a good mood. I realized this subject immediately evokes feelings of fear, shame, embarrassment.
Well I shared this with my partner and his response was "that scares me, so either I say something and it throws you into a frenzy, or I eat it."
Don't get me wrong I understand his side, I'm sure it's not fun to tell you partner it bothers you when they don't take out the bathroom trash, and they have a panic attack over it... but it's really hard to share something so vulnerable from my childhood and to feel completely misunderstood by my partner, it makes me wonder if I should share these things with him when I'm in emotional flashback reaction.
I know I need to let go of some of this and move on, in this moment I feel I can't control some of the intense emotions that come over seemingly minimal things, but I'm taking my meds seriously and going to therapy. What do you guys think? Should I continue to tell him things? Should I just realize he will never "get it." Feeling a little lost and angry, although I know this is not his fault. How do you guys handle navigating these waters with your partners?