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Empathy

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LizBeth1

Confident
Hi all,

Is it hard for any of you with PTSD to access empathy for your carer when you're being triggered?

My therapist tells me the trauma likely caused me to have little empathy for myself (triggers of low self worth) and so that's why it's not easy to always be able to empathize with one's carer. When I'm triggered, I feel so disconnected from who I truly am that I feel like it's really someone else in there - my angry inner child, etc. but not the "me" I am in the present moment. My therapist says that in order for me to heal that broken bridge and feel empathy for him during my own difficult times, we first need to work on developing a stronger sense of empathy/unconditional love in me.

Have any of you had similar challenges with empathy?

Thanks,
LizBeth
 
The Wonderful World Of Listening

Lately, I am discovering a wonderful world. The world of listening. Oddly enough, I found that during years, I never listened. I was just hearing the words the other was saying with very little or without putting myself in his shoes, understand his point of view, his motives and circumstances (empathy). I was only anxious to reply, without regard to what the other just said. My only interest and pleasure was to defend my point of view with teeth, nails and fists. I had no empathy at all.

Somehow, lately I began to listen carefully to what the others say whatever may be the subject of conversation (with students, friends,...) and something magical started to happen: My talker started to become human and alive to me (in the sense of being full of humanity, of feelings of life) and all his pleasures and pains, problems and joys was reaching me and became meaningful to me as I was listening to him. And as I continued to listen, I began to be alive too in the sense that I was an active partner in this exchange of words.

And that makes me feel really good because it is like I was recovering my humanity and hability to really share things and be meaningful to the others as they begin to become to me.

So maybe trying to listen to the others can be a unsuspected door to empathy towards the others and therefore towards oneself. I don’t know your conditions but one really feels alive when the other becomes alive to oneself.
 
Simple answer, it depends on what's triggered me.

I suppose I've now got to try and explain what I mean.(deep sigh)

If it's my wife (carer) who has triggered me then no I cannot empathise because I am reacting to her.

Let me try an example. If my wife approaches me in an aggressive manner sometimes I will respond in kind. However ultimately my wife knows she can bully me.
I'm struggling here so let me mention my core beliefs.
1 You must stand up to bully's.
2 Don't hit girls.
3 Look out for your friends.

So there are times my wife has simply wanted to moan about something and my reaction has been extreme and over the top. However there have also been times when my wife has wanted a row and when you add my anger to her anger it makes me feel unsafe. So I will leave the room and should she follow me I will leave the house until my body calms down.

However if someone or something else triggers me I can empathise with those around me.

For example a couple of years back walking down a street in Belgium with my wife and a couple of our friends we were attacked (we reckoned afterwards it was probably a set up to distract a crowd for pickpockets). Anyway this guy was shouting and threw a couple of punches at me as I had positioned myself between him and my wife and friends.
He made a comment that he was going for a weapon in his pocket and I knew I was going to unleash ptsd on him. Realising this might be my last chance to say something I looked to my wife and friends, saw the fear and uncertainty on their faces so just said "Keep walking".
I'd wanted to say I love you but realised this could cause them problems if something happened to me, but keep walking that was a clear simple instruction so if the worst happened they could remember they had just done what I'd said I wanted them to do.
Needless to say he had no weapon and couldn't withstand mine (ptsd).

Maybe it shouldn't be thought of as an "angry inner child" but as your protector in waiting.
 
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