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Ended Friendship

Discussion in 'Social' started by 2quilt, Aug 24, 2007.

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  1. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    I have ended a friendship with someone who I considered to be mt best friend. I told her everything; she knew as many secrets as my husband. Unfortunantly, she betrayed my confidence by telling my secrets to other people, and talking negatively about me behind my back. Because of this, I ended the friendship. I am in depression now. I am embarrassed that she has informed mutual casual acquaintances of certain facts about my personal past that I would rather have remained private. Of course, she divulged these facts about me in a dirty-gossip way to cause me as much pain as possible.
    The strange thing is, I have divulged those same facts on this forum to perfect faceless strangers I will never meet.
    I belong to multiple social groups where I see her on a regular basis, and I can't avoid her. In fact, I joined those social groups because we were best friends for years, so we joined those social groups to be together, and now I make myself physically sick thinking about meetings where she will be.
    Part of me wants to go to the meetings and try to get through them and be strong, showing her that I will not stop going, that she will not make me stop going, that she can't hurt me.
    Part of me wants to stop going to the meetings because I will cry continuously.
    I would like your advice.
     
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  3. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    I have never understood people who do things spacifically to hurt those close to them in this sort of way! It happens more then it should.. but I guess that is part of how society comes out in its worst form. It could be she said that stuff about you to others in your social groups to make herself look good.. and up herself in the social status view. If this is so.. then she won't stop.. and will most likely be worse when you are at the same gatherings. However if you are strong enough.. going to those gatherings anyway will be showing her and them that you don't really care what she says! and they might question the truth of all that she is saying too! It might take a little while but it will blow over and no one will think much of it later on. and remember if the others get nosey and start asking you if what she is saying is true.. you DON"T have to tell them yes or no! just say something like.. my personal past shouldn't matter to anyone one way or the other so why are you asking? Just some thoughts! I hate when friends do stuff like this.. is kind of why I don't get along well with other females LOL I can't stand all the back stabing to make themselves look better. You might be suprised also that some of the other people she is gossiping to will look down on her and choose not to have much more to do with her becouse she is trying to start trouble. Stay strong! you have nothing to be ashamed of!
     
  4. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

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    2quilt,

    You revealing things on the forum....Is your choice to do. Having a friend betray your confidence is another.

    I hope that you confronted her, in a calm and mature way, to inform her that your friendship is over because of what she has done. I would have asked her also why she felt it so necessary to choose to gossip, and chance losing a friendship?

    I'm sorry that your friend has hurt you in this manner. Sometimes the deepest secrets we have, are best left a secret to ourselves.....I guess it depends on how much you really trust someone....

    Hang in there....

    Wendy
     
  5. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

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    If you feel strong enough 2quilt I think going to the meetings is a good idea if you enjoy being there.

    Our past makes us who we are today 2quilt. I also believe that some of the best lessons learnt are those made by mistakes. Revealing your past in my opinion is good in that you are accepting yourself including the life experiences which have made you who you are today.

    A betrayal of confidence and friendship is a totally different issue as it destroys trust. I am sorry your friend treated you this way 2quilt and I hope that, in time, you can socialise again with your other friends.
     
  6. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    2quilt,

    I had to end a friendship at the beginning of this year, too. As hard as it was, feeling betrayed by my friend made it that much worse. Have you given yourself time and permission to grieve the loss of your frienship? That's a very big change in your life and grieving your loss isn necessary to go forward.

    If you're determined to stay in the same social circles with this person, I'd give yourself (at least for the first few times you have to be in the same place as this person) an out and let yourself leave if you feel it's just too much to be around her. It will probably get easier with time. Although I doubt it will ever be easy due to the negatives feelings you have attached to this person. What might make it easier is to find a middle ground. Similar social groups, but not having her around.

    It's going to have to be your decision about how many emotionals situations you want to expose yourself to in regards to this person.

    Good luck.
    Lisa
     
  7. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    I have been crying about the loss of her friendship several times a day for over a week now. There is a knife in my back with her name on it, I am replaying over and over in my mind things that she had said to me that hurt me, and just crying so hard. I know that if I show up at our social events, I will not be able to get through the meeting without breaking down and crying. She never cries; I don't think she has the ability to do so. I on the other hand, can cry on cue. She knows this about me and will certainly use that against me in such a public place. I think I will skip the next meeting until I have cried out more toxic tears and more time has passed, and I have more time to gain my composure.

    It's silly too, that when two women break up a friendship, that other women seem to feel the need to "take sides" and the friendship you once had with other women in the group somehow weakens; some of the women are are still cordial after the break-up, but not at all as friendly as they were toward you as before. Do you all have similar experiences or not? Are men like that?
     
  8. i would still go to the meetings, has she asked for forgivenesS?
     
  9. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about this 2quilt. It always sucks when someone back stabs you like that.

    I would suggest not going to this gatherings for a bit. Also, it sounds like you had went as a friendship bonding experience with her. Try looking for new groups or interests instead.

    I would say give yourself some time to grieve the loss of this relationship and to come to terms with it before forcing yourself to deal with her. No reason to push yourself into a breakdown!

    Let us know how it's going!

    bec
     
  10. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    I've watched quite a few documentaries on this actually. And to your question, yes I have experienced this. Women are evil. LOL. It seems that females will go to any length to "get even" with someone they decide they don't like. Usually the older a female gets the less this is so, however maturity levels vary a lot. I would hazard that these are petty, immature women!

    Also, men deal with falling outs rather differently. They don't drag everyone into it. Most would rather just fist to cuff and get it over with. If it's really bad, they walk away and don't bother again. Although getting a man's opinion on this would be much better than mine! LOL

    bec
     
  11. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    ended friendship

    No, she has not asked for forgiveness; she has simply gone silent toward me, anyway.

    I certainly appreciate everyone's comments here.

    My tears have slowed down now, and I have come to the conclusion now that it is she who has to live with her mistake of screwing up our friendship. I may be an obnoxious witch at times, but I still have alot going for me; I am a fun person to be with. She certainly screwed up, and I am not going to forgive her now, even if she asks for it because she has hurt me too much to gain my trust again. I used to care very much what she thought. Now I am trying not to care. If she doesn't like me now, that's her problem, not mine. It sure is hard to lose a close friend.
     
  12. PATHFINDER

    PATHFINDER New Member

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    I learned this the hard way just as you have and it really sucks. You seem like a kind person. Just move out and march on... I dont say anything to anyone...First rule about Fight Club is never, ever talk about Fight Club...

    Hang in there, Chin up and dont let the valtures pick your soul.
     
  13. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    ended friendship

    what's strange is, she keeps emailing me, even after I asked her to stop all communication and clearly ended the friendship, and she admits that she told everyone that the reason why I lost my temper in public is because I am an incest survivor.
    Oh, Thanks for revealing my secret to 80 people in our social group, most of whom I only know by first names. And the icing on the cake is that she is not sorry for her actions at all.
    Be careful with whom you become friends, and to whom you tell your secrets.
     
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