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Ever Feel A Wall Between You and "Other People"?

Discussion in 'Other Symptoms & Disorders' started by Daisy_May, Oct 13, 2010.

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  1. Daisy_May

    Daisy_May Active Member

    I know I have social problems; if I deem the other person to be higher on the social ladder I get sweaty palms and I stammer and have minor panic attacks, my eyes dart around and I have to run away.

    That I can handle with some CBT, I'm sure. The thing I'm wondering is how I always seem to be obsessing about myself. I find I tend to zone out a little bit if other people go on about themselves. My friends find this very funny, and make jokes but it is worrying because I think it is rude and I want to be normal, not appearing self-centered. Even when I respond to other people's posts, I have to say how it affects me directly in order to get a grasp on the situation. I'd like to be like a lawyer and think of things objectively.

    My mind runs very fast, all the time. I am ALWAYS thinking. Usually worrying lately, but I am going through some change.

    I'm just wondering if anyone else feels very short of patience with other people, like there are four or five men I work with and whenever they call I am kurt and to the point because they talk very slowly and around the point, or try to make small talk which I cannot do with people I do not find interesting. I feel irritated an awful lot when people do not go with my pace of communication. Is this normal?
    freakofnurture likes this.
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  3. Cthulhu

    Cthulhu Active Member

    I know that, it's the same with me. Well, at least I am not 'normal', I have Asperger's, a form of autism.
    There's always been an invisible wall between me and all other people interact with. Im also inpatient when other people talk very slowly or don't comprehend something I tried to explain 2 or 3 times. I know that's one of my very neegative traits and I try to stop it whenever I see it happening. Because it's not the other peoples' fault but mine.
    Smalltalkis something very exhausting for me, I try to avoid it whereever I can.
    Daisy_May likes this.
  4. Daisy_May

    Daisy_May Active Member

    Wow Chthulu, thank you for sharing that with me.

    I have discussed this possibility with my T, but she believes it is just general Anxiety and not Apsergers, though I have a cousin I am quite close to who suffers it--she is one of the coolest people I know, so laid back, not social and doesn't care, does her own thing and is actually getting married next year to a totally popular guy, polar opposites but they make it work.

    Chthulu do you find you judge yourself at all? Or are you happily content with the way you relate? Do you feel frustrated a lot? Sorry I'd just like some insight, I am very interested. Thank you.
  5. Cthulhu

    Cthulhu Active Member

    Autism is a spectrum, it can show in very different ways. Some are just happy with themselves, others want nothing more than to socialize, to have friends and contacts- but they just can't, or can't really.
    I have a cousin who I think has Asperger's as well, too, it's often said that it might be a genetic thing. Asperger's and anxiety aren't mutually exclusive, just like PTBS and other things.

    Surely I judge myself all the time, that often was and is a problem because it may stop me from doing/trying anything. Or it may take so much time inside my mind that the moment to say or do something is long gone when I'm ready to respond.
    And no, I never was happy with the way I (non-)relate. As a child and adolescent it made me very depressive, in a chronical way. It still is an issue and one that'll never have a final solution but well- I try to make the best of it and not to think of all the things I just can't have because of my social and communicative oddness. There were long times in my past where I really was frustrated a lot, a lot is not right- all the time fits better. Like I said I try not to think about it too much because it does no good.
    Daisy_May likes this.
  6. bluecat

    bluecat Well-Known Member

    I feel like this during work meetings or in any other social interaction where I don't feel in control. I don't show it, because I learned not to show my feelings with my father, since it provoked him, but I feel blood rushing into my head, my heart is pounding and I feel sweat poring down my back and sides of my arms. (Sorry for oversharing). It happens especially if I want to say something, because I feel like I am the stupidest person on the planet. I also have this heightened awareness that I am not like the other people, that I have all this trauma baggage. It sucks.

    That happens to me too, especially if I am triggered (which I am a lot). The zoning out is tough, sometimes people are talking to me and I see their mouth moving and I don't hear a word. I think anxiety somehow causes this barrier in my brain and I can't process any incoming info. I haven't felt from our interaction here that you're selfcentered at all, though. I think you're your harshest critic. I think you're very supportive and kind.

    I remember being like that the first couple years I was diagnosed with PTSD. All I focused on was my goals, no feelings, no being happy or enjoying myself, just going and going like a machine. I was very inpatient and probably a mean bitch too. I was a nasty driver too. It kind of occured to me later that all the anger over the things my ex did to me was spilling over into my interactions with other people. I calmed down eventually. The thing that helped the most was relaxing the standards to which I held myself. They were impossibly high and since I treated myself like shit I treated other people like shit too. I think you're way farther than me at that time, because you have an awareness that I didn't have. Plus, those guys might very well be totally boring and inefficient : )

    You're a good person Daisy_May,
    Take care,
    Daisy_May likes this.
  7. JadeBear

    JadeBear I'm a VIP
    Premium Member

    I have always felt like there's been a wall between me and other people. I have always felt like I am different than every one else, like I just quite don't fit in....with the entire world. I always imagined that maybe I wasn't meant to be here, like maybe I was meant to be on another planet or in another dimension, or even another life form. Actually, like maybe I wasn't meant to be a part of the human race. That may sound extreme, but it's been a part of my thinking since I was young.

    I have a hard time having conversations with people that talk slow or those that are long winded. I prefer short dialogue, like "how ya doing", "I'm fine", etc. Alot of times when someone is talking to me, and they just keep going on and on, I realize that I have drifted off and have no clue what they have said. I know it's rude, but I have a hard time concentrating for very long.

    If I could just read/type instead of talking to anyone, I would be very happy. I don't feel a wall at all when I'm texting or on this forum, or in emails or PC's. I feel comfortable and I'm able to say whatever is on my mind. There's something about talking out loud that turns me into a self conscious, nervous wreck.
    Innordinate and Nighthawk like this.
  8. Reclusive

    Reclusive I'm a VIP

    I have that problem sometimes too - where if people take too long to say what they want to say I just drift away. I blame it on my meds when they notice and they seem to accept that. I just can't concentrate that long when they're getting no where.
  9. squidge

    squidge Member

    i have had those exact feelings too since i was young. in fact, i have also thought and stated exactly what you said, that i was meant to be on another planet or that i was not meant to be part of the human race. i definitely relate to that.
    Jadebear likes this.
  10. JadeBear

    JadeBear I'm a VIP
    Premium Member

    I clicked 'like' because you understand how it feels, not because I like that you feel that way.....

    The bad thing is, it's hard to keep trying sometimes when deep down I always feel like no matter what I do I'm not going to be a part of the human race.

    But maybe( hopefully) as I heal ,I will start feeling differently.
    Marie E. and BloomInWinter like this.
  11. squidge

    squidge Member

    i am struggling with this thought as well. it is like i don't feel a "connectedness" with others. i feel more of a connectedness with nature and animals then i do with other humans.
  12. blueangel371115

    blueangel371115 Well-Known Member

    I constantly deal with that. I already had issues reading people but now I don't trust myself. I avoid making new freinds and hanging out with old friends. I think alot . I call it 'stewing' and sometimes my anger monster comes out.
  13. j.cich

    j.cich New Member

    More recently, I've been spending more time thinking about past trauma. I feel exactly the same way. Sometimes I'll walk down the hallway in my dorm, see a group of people, and immediately start staring at the floor to avoid any interaction with them. I avoid eye contact when I don't want to interact with people. When I was in third grade, I spent every recess standing on a toilet in the girls' room so I didn't have to talk to anyone else. I would leave the bathroom at a very strategic time so no one would figure it out. My whole life seems to be a pattern of drastic efforts to avoid social interaction. I don't know what I'm afraid of happening, but there's no convincing me that it won't happen. If I'm with friends and feeling that way, I'll either make an excuse or suck it up and go along with them. This seems to help the most, because I generally end up having an alright time. I just spend a lot of time crawling in my skin beforehand.
    angel2write likes this.
  14. blueangel371115

    blueangel371115 Well-Known Member

    welcome to the forum, you are not alone in your feelings, I have spent much of my life feeling the same way.
    j.cich likes this.
  15. freakofnurture

    freakofnurture Well-Known Member

    Me, too. It's not so much when people talk slowly, but when they tell me something I already know or keep repeating themselfs.
    My husband has this habit of restating his opinions about stuff at any ever so small opportunity, and going into great detail. I seriously feel my adrenalin level shooting upwards as soon as he merely gets that certain look on his face that tells me that he just realised that he has an opinion that needs to be expressed. Again.
    But it's already normal repetitions that normal people do when just talking away about some random topic. There's these lectures I found on youtube, fantastically interesting topic, but the prof keeps repeating himself. I shout at the monitor if he does that. I call him names -.- It's rediculous.
  16. Grace11

    Grace11 Active Member

    I do this, too. I get very angry when my boyfriend does this. I have learned to get up and walk away and physically occupy myself or I will lose my temper. I am relieved when someone else shows up for him to tell his repetitive story to. I have known others who do this (repeat stories) and I tend to do it myself, actually, but for some reason I get totally heated when it occurs now. My temper's rather off the charts,though, and I don't trust myself to not blow up at anyone verbally anymore.
  17. Reclusive

    Reclusive I'm a VIP

    I find this one so frustrating too! My fiance (also PTSD) tends to repeat himself. He'll state his opinion (he has one for everything) and I say I understand or whatever. And then he restates it in a different way. And again in a different way. And I got it the first time, I really did, but boy does it make my blood boil!
  18. Brontie

    Brontie Well-Known Member

    Ever Feel A Wall Between You and "Other People"?

    The quick answer would be yes.

    If you are speaking about the walls we put up to protect ourselves, a psych-doc told me once that while keeping all the bad stuff out, I was also stopping the good stuff from getting in. After that I began to bring the wall down brick by brick.
    blueangel371115 likes this.
  19. blueangel371115

    blueangel371115 Well-Known Member

    I do that also. I'm sure I drive everyone nuts. Not exactly sure why I do it.
  20. Reclusive

    Reclusive I'm a VIP

    LOL - if you figure it out, let me know so I can get him to stop. Sometimes it seriously takes him 30+ minutes to finish!
  21. angel2write

    angel2write Mad Scribbler & I.C.P.
    Premium Member

    I used to walk around wondering if I were invisible, or if I even existed at all. Like maybe I existed in a mirror world, congruent to but not really in the world everyone else was. I used to fantasize that I could move through glass or mirrors and enter an alternate reality- which is really weird now that I write it down.

    I've had this experience, too. I've often told my husband that I should be bricked into my room and only interact with the outside world through a keyboard. It would save all the grief and misunderstandings. I've driven away so many friends over the years... I think maybe my problems communicating verbally have to do with spending so many years saying whatever was necessary to avert disaster or get through the day. Now, when I talk to people face to face, I'm always trying to say what I think they want to hear, or what I think I ought to say. When I type or write, it's like the real me is able to communicate. I can be honest. Sometimes when I talk I catch myself lying when there really isn't any need for it... makes me feel like an evil person.
  22. angel2write

    angel2write Mad Scribbler & I.C.P.
    Premium Member

    Yeah- I do this, too. I've also been known to duck into bathrooms to hide. And when I do get in a social situation, I always feel like I'm either sitting around as silent as a stuffed owl, or blathering my head off. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

    We got invited to a New Year's Eve party and I totally flipped out beforehand and locked myself in the bathroom. My husband finally peeled me off the ceiling, convinced me that I wasn't freakishly ugly, and maneuvered me into the car. I took a stuffed animal in my knitting bag for comfort and hid in a corner knitting to avoid eye contact for the first hour. But after a while, I relaxed some. The people were nice, and I had a good time for an hour or so until I got overwhelmed and we had to leave.
  23. blueangel371115

    blueangel371115 Well-Known Member

    I do that to. I think it is a survival instinct from the Abuse ( in my case) . I try to make peace as soon as possible by glossing things over or apologizing when I don't need to.
  24. Marie E.

    Marie E. Loki is my Rock!

    I always feel a separation between myself and anybody next to me. It is like two very different worlds! PTSD - Go Figure!
  25. IchBin

    IchBin Active Member

    Ditto on the social anxiety, avoidance, and racing thoughts. I've never been able to understand how social situations are calming to people, because they are such a big deal for me. I find them so draining, and when I come home my mind often buzzes for hours rehashing what happened. I find myself wondering all the time if they can tell I'm messed up, if they know I have so many problems and find it hard to be social - yet this also sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's just so strange because I berate myself for being so worried about coming across normal, if that makes any sense?
    angel2write and Marie E. like this.
  26. angel2write

    angel2write Mad Scribbler & I.C.P.
    Premium Member

    Yeah- can you believe that some people actually go to crowded parties with loud music and lots of drinking and dancing and think it's fun?!? And they call us weird. [​IMG]

    It does make sense. I do it all the time. I feel like I'm caught in a trap. The harder I try to act normal the more I realize what a total act it is, and the more I mess it up! But then, if I don't try to act normal, things get really strange.

    I have a really hard time leaving social situations. A lot of times I kind of get through the event on adrenaline, and I think I'm acting ok until I get in the car on the way home. Then I'm, like, hitting my fists against the door and roof of the car and yelling, "How could you be so stupid!" at myself. My husband says I over-analyze every little word and gesture and that I should relax. I don't think, short of him bringing a tranquilizer gun in his pocket, that the relaxing thing is going to happen any time soon.
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