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Every Time I Want to Write Something I Wind Up Erasing It

Discussion in 'General' started by sessnme, Nov 19, 2007.

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  1. sessnme

    sessnme New Member

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    How can I write anything here that you all don't know about "our" condition anyway. I am mad as hell that any of us even need a forum to vent in. I wish none of this ever happened to land me here.
    I have been recently diagnosed with PTSD. Now on medicine that I don't think is doing anything. My head still hurts, my chest is tight all of the time. I am beginnning to loose my mind.
    Is it weird to feel good about telling my story to complete strangers?
    Part of my PTSD has prevented me from trusting anyone and I cannot make new friends. I am alone and scared/angry with everyone.
    I also cannot keep my thoughts straight because my mind is going a million miles an hour. I cannot consentrate on anything for too long. Also have adult ADHD...
    I AM A FRERAKING MESS!!!
     
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  3. hollyberry

    hollyberry Active Member

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    I think its more about support from each other than writting something about ptsd. I also have adhd just got diagnosed with that one, just thought I was hyper.
     
  4. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Yes we have heard it all...BUT you need to be heard also. Your needs, wants, fears, symptoms are important to you, and you need to talk about them. So don't hold back.....

    Let us know what you are feeling, what you need help with and we try and kick things around to give you advice and help.

    BTW....Welcome to the forum..
     
  5. sessnme

    sessnme New Member

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    I hear ya both. I need help to trust people. I have lost many family members to murder and I was friends with the murderers. 1)Yes they were different occasions. 2)Different parts of the country 3)Different methods. several years apart.
     
  6. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Though I am a carer rather than a sufferer, there has been murder in my family as well sessnme. My brother-in-law murdered his wife and young son.
     
  7. baileysemt

    baileysemt Active Member

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    If it helps any, what you describe is very much the illness -- PTSD. I had chest tightness/pain and daily migraines for > 9 months, before I started counseling. I also was "just" taking meds (Paxil) and was talking to my Mom daily about my feelings, but I didn't start to get better until I started counseling. By that point I had hit bottom though, and I was so darn tired of being sick.......... Anyway you have to talk about it in order to get better. It is not the kind of thing where there's a switch you flip in your head and it's gone. We have been saddled with this thing, now we have to get the necessary help in order to get better. We have to participate in our own recovery if we want to get better. It doesn't just happen; you have to be willing to face the monsters and wrestle through them. Good things await on the other side, but it is darn hard work. A pill isn't going to do it. A pill is only a tool, not the solution.

    Another thing I should mention is, often PTSD mimics the symptoms of ADD/ADHD. You mention your mind going a million miles an hour and not being able to concentrate on anything -- that's PTSD too. I'm not saying it's not ADHD, just realize that what you are feeling may be getting magnified by the PTSD. PTSD causes physical and chemical changes in the brain which changes how it functions........ try to be patient with yourself, it's not like you woke up one day and said, 'gee, I think PTSD would be a good time.' You're on the roller coaster ride that your brain is taking you on.

    We all judge ourselves excessively hard for how we feel (that's PTSD too), so working very hard at not judging and being patient with ourselves is something that we all struggle with too. It's important to remember that you're not going to accomplish anything constructive or good by being hard on yourself. You're just going to feel dark and upset.

    Treat your body well. Nourish it with good, whole foods. Take your vitamins. Drink LOTS of water and try to cut back on the caffeine (caffeine aggravates the chest/head pain and swirling thoughts). Try to stick to a schedule which includes a LOT of time set aside to rest and relax. Your JOB is to breathe calmly and rest your body. Relaxing and calming yourself is the gateway to healing, it is not wasted time or being selfish. It is healing. You need it and you deserve it. You deserve to feel good !!!!!

    Are you in therapy? Are you keeping your appointments?

    You have lots of friends here. Post whenever you feel you need to talk. Even if you think it is nonsense. It is all worthy and important.

    Oh....... and when I was in the throes of untreated PTSD, as well as on my "bad" days, I can't write to save my life. I have always been a writer, I've always loved to write, but PTSD totally robs me of creativity, drive, interest, humor and vocabulary. It also wreaks havoc with spelling. It would be my guess that this is a reflection of the physiologic/chemical changes that occur in the brain due to PTSD. It's like it installs a fog and cuts off some of the connections in my head. I end up feeling very frustrated by it, because I have forever used writing to express myself (especially at my most emotional times) ........... :dontknow:

    :) Bailey
     
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  8. vst

    vst Active Member

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    Seesnme,

    Personally I am on this forum because there are very caring people who understand what PTSD can do to our lives and are willing to share their thoughts. Being here is being part of a community and I can express my thoughts without worrying that anyone will think I'm completely looney.

    Trusting is very hard and until recently I have never found anyone I could trust. Take your time about trusting. PTSD can be very lonely, because we don't trust.

    Sometimes the voices in my head become so persistent that I cannot concentrate. In my case the PTSD can act like ADHD, manic depression, depression, and obssesive compulsive disorder.

    As Bailey so eloquently said, do not judge yourself and treat yourself with patience and loving kindness. You did not ask for PTSD. A trauma changed your brain chemistry and the PTSD developed. We are all a freaking mess at times and are thankful for the times we aren't. We all understand what you are going through.

    Keep safe,

    vst
     
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