• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Relationship Ex Fallout And Anxiety.

Status
Not open for further replies.
I think I just need support and friends right now.

He is 100% with the new girl. I guess the "take a break" turned into full on breakup when I wasn't looking - he didn't even address this with me. It's like I never existed. I can't do anything about that but let go of our love and plans. That hurts so much. He threw away plans to a great future.

I am very concerned because he seems to be manic. I never saw full manic when we were together, but this is not what happy looks like. I mentioned the Facebook posting before ... it started with one photo, and I thought, "meh." He never posted anything other than sports when we were together, and I am a professional, so I didn't post anything on my Facebook page. He is posting pictures of himself flipping off things in Washington, actively talking about his pot smoking, posting political rants - and his hours are awful. He's not sleeping still and drinking endlessly.

I am afraid that he's going to call me next week, when he returned from his "business trip" and needs something. I have always been an unconditional support to him - but that's the most unfair thing I've ever heard. He's only been to therapy once, he's not getting the support that he needs, and I, as the ex, cannot make that choice for him. He isn't being honest with his friends and family or this girl - they don't know his lows (yet).

I know part of me is afraid is he isn't going to call. And he isn't going to get help. This isn't about being with him anymore, because he looks, sounds, and exhibits some mentally unstable traits right now. I did call his local VA and they said if he wasn't an imminent danger to himself, they couldn't help him.

I am sick to my stomach over a man I used to love.
 
You can't help him, he needs to help himself. Things won't get any better for him or anyone else until he commits to some sort of medication management and/or therapy. If you continue to cater to him and enable him, he will be like a bottomless black hole, sucking all of the life out of you. I was in a very similar situation. As difficult and painful as it is, sometimes we just have to let go. We did all we could within our power to help, and it simply wasn't enough.
 
As for myself, even though I am in emotional pain sometimes, I am still very sensitive to my companion's needs and feelings. As CJ said, he needs to consider your feelings more. I guess it just depends on the personality.
 
He has had a complete personality change since he called me crying and suicidal.

I have to accept the fact that the man that I loved doesn't exist anymore.
 
He may be close to a breakdown. If he can get some treatment, preferrably inpatient, he may be stable enough then to continue a relationship with you. But, right now, the situation is hurting you even more than it is him. Try your best to emotionally detach a little bit. It is very difficult, but will save you a lot of pain in the long run. I hope things improve in the future.
 
I am moving on, trying to take care of myself. But he'll stay in my phone ... just in case that breakdown happens. I feel like a bad person rooting for it because I think that's the only way he'll get help. Otherwise, his life with be a PTSD purgatory.
 
Again, your story is so similar to mine. I don't know if my ex is with the girl he posted because I unfriended him. I miss him on FB but it was better for me, and I told him that. Anyway, he's still in touch a little, but I'm finally moving on. It took forever. I still think about him, but if I start thinking too much I do what I can to distract myself. I've stopped checking my phone because I know there won't be any texts from him.
It's hard because he's being tested for cancer. I want to reach out, I told him I'm here if I need him and to keep me posted. But he hasn't, so I havent either.

What I am doing is trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I want to make some major changes but I'm not sure how to. I don't have anyone to run things by, so I'm trying to figure it out on my own. I'm also trying to let go of some of my need to plan. What's meant to be will be.

Anyway, keep coming and talking about it on here. I have no one to talk to, so I've been coming here and crying on here and whining in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. At least here there are people that understand. We're here for you!
 
OMG The need to plan! I have that so bad. I am going to work on it with my therapist; it was one of the first things he noticed about me. My exSgt has put my entire life in a jumble. I had planned to move to him next year and restart my entire career with him. I was that in love that I would have done anything to accommodate and be his team member.

I am trying not to obsess and struggle with him seeing this other girl. I am trying not to overthink the blatant manic posts and delusions that are going on. I am trying to take everything with a grain of salt. It doesn't help that my mother, my boss (who worked in the psychology field) have been insinuating that I may still be his safe spot, that this may not work out with this girl, and that if he gets help ... mays and ifs are great, but not for the heart broken.
 
have been insinuating that I may still be his safe spot, that this may not work out with this girl, and that if he gets help

They're doing what I would do. There really is nothing good or helpful to say to a friend in your position, so they're just doing the best they can. Time is the only thing that will help you to feel better.

They really have no earthly idea if he will come back to you, but it's clear from the way you're talking now (and presumably to them) that even though you are trying to move on and take care of yourself, there is a part of you that wants him still. That's neither good nor bad - it's completely up to you. But they hate seeing you hurt and desperate and are trying to give you something to hold onto. That shows how much they care for you. :hug:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top