Bukowski25
New Here
My partner was starting to fall into that "bad" space when he could not find his medication last week. We were running late for something and he was frustrated for a number of reasons: he felt foolish that he had forgotten where he put it, felt pressured by time, and was visually stressed by the messy state of the apartment. I understand that these things can quickly set off frustrations and trigger anger for him. Sometimes he calmly deals with things, when he is stressed they can escalate into an angry episode.
He shut down, he was being extremely negative (not actively looking but relating worst case scenario things that were overly dramatic in relation to the issue--ie. This I can't go to work tomorrow and I can't get a therapy appointment for another work, and we can't afford more since it's too early for insurance, and I am totally f*cked...instead of calmly looking) and I jumped in to find his medication so we could walk out the door. I told him that I was disappointed that he didn't try his breathing exercise (a technique he developed in therapy) and his response was "Why are you upset, I am handling this better than usual. I'm not screaming and ripping off the f**ing doors like I used to". This is true, though of course that statement is edged with hostility, as were his previous actions.
I guess my question is...how can I hold him accountable while also supporting him? He is right, he wasn't have a full on rage explosion, but he was still being hostile and being clipped and rude to me. If anyone deals with similar things, how do you handle it?
He shut down, he was being extremely negative (not actively looking but relating worst case scenario things that were overly dramatic in relation to the issue--ie. This I can't go to work tomorrow and I can't get a therapy appointment for another work, and we can't afford more since it's too early for insurance, and I am totally f*cked...instead of calmly looking) and I jumped in to find his medication so we could walk out the door. I told him that I was disappointed that he didn't try his breathing exercise (a technique he developed in therapy) and his response was "Why are you upset, I am handling this better than usual. I'm not screaming and ripping off the f**ing doors like I used to". This is true, though of course that statement is edged with hostility, as were his previous actions.
I guess my question is...how can I hold him accountable while also supporting him? He is right, he wasn't have a full on rage explosion, but he was still being hostile and being clipped and rude to me. If anyone deals with similar things, how do you handle it?