Hello everyone. I have not been able to write a proper introduction but I need some advice. I found this place a while ago and read many other threads that seemed to help people. About eight years ago, in the beginning of my first year of high school, I was hit by a van while crossing the street. I was in intensive care for a month afterwards but once they were sure I would not die that week, I was moved into hospitalized rehabilitation and stayed there until release. I still feel resistance against identifying with this-I can not help but frequently berate myself for comparing what seems so small to the other items in the diagnostic list. I still have severe problems remembering most things before it happened, most things except the time I was with my dearest friend. We drifted apart in that year I remained in physical therapy after my release but my memories of just pure joy and contentment with her had been what kept me alive during the first month after and have been what kept me through the worst times since. I have tried to come to better terms with it all recently and so I contacted her again. In the past I convinced myself that it was better not to tell her so that she would not be bothered, and also so that she would not grieve for as long if something tipped the balance. I ran from everyone right after I realized something was not right and I was ashamed that I could not get over it. I pushed it all down and that let me get through the days but it killed all of my emotions and drove away anyone who approached. There never seemed any way to go back to how we were except to tell her about this and at least outline a little of the past so I have tried to. Everything except the whole expecting and then planning for death part-I do not want to risk pushing her away again. It has been a few months since I have gotten any response from her and I worry that I may have pushed her away again by trying not to. My thoughts have ranged from some hope for a positive result to fear that I have hurt her by saying these things after so long. Has anyone here tried to resume contact with an old friend you lost because of what you experienced? How did it go? Does anyone have any advice for things to watch out for when explaining or advice for how to continue? Does anyone have any advice at all?