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Extreme paranoia

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So I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I've always been super anxious but for the past few months, it has escalated and I finally went to my doctor. Relationships are extremely scary to me. I always assumed I've done something wrong or people hate me but now I'm paranoid all my friends are plotting against me. I had a double date with my best friend and the guy I like and I got paranoid they were talking behind my back even tho she has a boyfriend. It's gotten to the point where I've avoided her. And recently, I've become scared she thinks I'm flirty with her boyfriend/interested in him and is gonna tell the guy I like (him and i are not currently speaking). I'm also worried she thinks i have feelings for her especially bc i texted her 5 times in a row tonight. I told her how that guy and I are no longer speaking and I'm scared she's gonna start talking to him now if she hasn't already and since she hasn't replied since I told her how anxious I feel about everyone hurting me, I'm even more scared.My paranoia makes lots of connections. Since my friend keeps posting lots of pictures with her bf, I think it's bc of me. Maybe she's done it before and I gave it no thought but I'm unsure. I dont want to doubt all my friendships. I doubt every single one of them. I worry people from work applied there to spy on me for the guy i like. My ocd makes me have intrusive thoughts about specific days and I live in fear that it's a sign something bad will happen. I'm constantly making connections to things. I have a therapist but i still feel awful and currently no medication bc my insurance sucks and I won't see my doctor until the 25th.
 
Try to call yourself out on every paranoid thought and correct it. Make a game of it -- state the paranoid thought, and then look at it objectively and tear it to shreds, point out to yourself why it's over the top thinking. Try to think of your paranoid thoughts as if someone else told them to you, if an acquaintance or friend told you these things, what would you tell them?
 
Try to call yourself out on every paranoid thought and correct it. Make a game of it -- state the para...
I usually do this "reality check" thing my therapist told me but it also makes me analyze more. The friend thing helps but my anxiety makes me believe that what I worry about are facts and reality so it's hard for me to think "oh that's not happening" because part of me has..accepted it as a fact, I guess.
 
I know exactly what you mean and where you are coming from, its truly a terrible place to be. ((Hugs)) Without meds the only thing that helped me was meditation, I have an app called 'headspace ' and it literally pulled me out of a dark hole and the paranoid loop that my thoughts were on but it doesn't happen quickly. Try 10-15 mins a day and stick with it every day even when you think it's not working. You have to pay for this particular app but there's loads of free ones on you tube or just do a search online. When your feeling free from the loop then you can work on the thoughts more and challenge them like the previous posters said ^^. Unfortunately this all takes time and you really do have to put the effort in, you would think 10 mins a day would be no problem but it's harder than it seems especially when your suffering mental health problems, self care is the last thing on your mind. This really works though... ❤
 
Last night, I mentioned to my friend how that guy I like and i are no longer talking and she took minutes to reply after she was replying literally in two seconds and she used to do that when I talked to her a lot (take a while to respond/ignore my texts about him) and that's what got me into my paranoia in the first place. She didn't respond to my anxiety text untl this morning saying she's so sorry she fell asleep but she'll reply soon and i said it's okay and she hasn't said anything so i sent her a funny picture and still nothing and i'm scared she thinks i'm obsessed with her or she's avoiding me bc she feels bad for hurting me.
 
I recently got into a fight with my best friend bc my paranoia is getting bad and I'm just so tired. My therapist recommended a group therapy and I'll be going to that instead of with the therapist I'm scared it's bc they don't want me as a patient anymore. I'm just exhausted of being afraid. I used to LOVE social media and now I kind of hide from it unless I'm doing something fun bc I'm scared people are judging me or the guy I like (mentioned before) will think something bad. I retweeted two tweets with a suicide hotline number and I got scared bc what if he sees and thinks I'm suicidal? So I deleted one and then unRTed the other but retweeted it again and I'm scared he's gonna notice and think I did it just so it's more towards the front of my tweets and people think I'm nice and he'll think I'm fake and now I want to delete my twitter. I'm so scared he thinks I'm fake and love attention and pretend to be sweet I want to cry. I just want to be okay. Just writing this scares me bc I'm worried someone I know is gonna see this.
 
@foreverlala13 Why does it matter what people think?

You have feelings, there's nothing about being 'fake' in that & that very concept is just messy immature.

Even if people see it, does not mean they'll make the connection, and even if they make the connection with you, does not mean you're exposed. So much is about the context, random onlookers won't have that; & having the context doesn't yet make you vulnerable in /everything/.
 
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