• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Family advice??

Status
Not open for further replies.

Col10

New Here
Hey all!

Bit of background imformation. I grew up with an emotional abusive father, and emotional distant mother. My brother was/is autism (high functioning) and developed a serve mental illness which resulted in him being section (I was highly involve in this). I then had a abusive relenship, and other 'trauma' events. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD a year and a half ago.

I'm twenty five, and have just graduated with a 2:1. I have a wonderful supportive boyfriend, and have proven to myself by going to university that I'm intelligent. (Not me getting a university grade, but that i've proven to myself I'm capable)

HOWEVER, I'm back in therapy. Also i'm really trying my hardest for this.

Though I'm finding it all difficult, especially my relenship with my family. My father, has now realised about his behaviour, (was diagnosed with autism few years back) and my mother is more open! Every thing you would always want. Though I can not help feel triggered when I see them or talk to them. Also, i'm just so mad at them, that they raised me in such a unhealthy environment. They are open for me to talk to them. Though I have such conflicting feelings about them (At the end of the day you can't help but love your parents). I spoke to them last week, about what type of conversation I might need to have with them both, also what the 'complex' part means of my ptsd. I was nearly in tears when I had to tell my dad, that he was the reason for this. I'm so split with these emotions. At night when i'm having flashbacks, images and unwanted thoughts, I just can't stand my dad, hate him. Though i see him, or have a lovely conversations and I love him. It's like i'm still in this cycle of abuse, even though it's stopped.

I'm suppose to be seeing my family on Sunday, My feelings are that I don't want to go. As I feel I could have triggers, though isn't that just avoidance!

If anyone has ANYTHING to say PLEASE do. I would really appreciate it.
 
It’s okay to give yourself some space from your family. There’s avoidance, and then there’s just plain looking after yourself. Not seeing your family on Sunday because you need a break this week doesn’t need to effect the relationship, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them or you won’t ever see them again. If it feels like you haven’t broken the abuse cycle yet, then giving yourself some space might be helpful, rather than avoidance.
 
Just because the abuse stops doesn't mean that we are suddenly ok with formerly abusive people. Our bodies still react because it's a matter of survival.
 
I have PTSD myself, plus a physical disability. But I have a masters degree in sociology with a concentration in a rare field called the sociology of autism. I studied autistic adults. I'm also married to an autistic person, who I've known since I was a teenager, way before he was diagnosed. My husband and I have one child, who is not autistic.

You could go to an online autism self-advocacy forum (just google those words, several will come up) and read what current autistic parents of non-autistic kids have to say. That might give you an idea of what it is like for an autistic person to parent a non-autistic child from their perspective. Or from the non-autistic parent's perspective. Sometimes you read horror stories that although the autistic parent loves the child, they cannot bring themselves to touch them, or cannot stand to hear them cry, or keep forgetting to say "I love you." A child cannot understand things like this. If the parent runs to the basement when the child is hurt, or will not hug them or express their love, what are they supposed to think? If the non-autistic parent knows nothing about autism, they don't know to remind the autistic parent to do these things, or to work around them. I sometimes have to tell my husband to lower his voice when speaking to our son because he simply has a loud voice. Our kid will misunderstand and think his dad is yelling at him. Or my husband will have to purposefully move his face and smile at him because otherwise his face is too blank. Little things like that.

It's great that your parents are willing and able to talk to you about this. It is actually kind of common for autistic adults to have trouble understanding the harm they might have caused with their interaction style and different emotions. So if your dad is not like this, it's a great opportunity for you explain how you feel and improve your current relationship.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top