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Family Is Your Trigger

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tabbjuan

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I have been in therapy for PTSD since 2007. So far I have decided to cut off ties to my parents. Even if I am around them for a very short time, I am triggered. Well, my problem is my sister. We have knock outs when it comes to my parents. Me being the oldest, I took the most abuse while growing up, she on the other hand, was moms favorite, so she does not remember the abuse. I remember my sister helped my mom in the abuse, and I am feeling very resentful right now. Yes, I am angry... so when I talk to my sister, esp. when it comes to family I am triggered.

I have decided to give up on family right now. Family to me right now is a joke. I want peace...like now..
 
You are definitely NOT alone. My mother takes my sister's side all the time. My sister and I do not get along. She is such a b*tch.

She lied about what happened to us when we were kids. Refused to come forward and tell the authorities what my dad did knowing that there were little children living in his house! My mother chose to do nothing about it.

So, I agree with Nurture, "family is vastly overrated".
 
Heather, you are right, family is overrated. It is very strange that my brother remembers things that went on while growing up, and my sister does not. I think she is lying. My brother is the smart one, he has nothing to do with my parents or my sister.

I'm trying so hard to beat this PTSD. I knew deep inside that I was angry with my sister, and her part with the abuse while growing up. Our mom in fact encouraged the fights among my sister and brother. My mom does not get along with her sister, so she wants to carry on this tradition. It's really sad :( to encourage this thing. My parents are in their 60's and they still fight.

When my son finish college, and I finish my Master's degree, I'm moving away from family. To tell you the truth I go numb when I am around family. They all make me sick.
 
(((((Tabbjuan))))) I think it's awesome that in dealing with all this that you are pursueing a Master's degree.:) Way to go!
 
Thank you Heather, it is not easy pursueing my Master's. With PTSD on board it's challanging. I wonder why I have trouble concentrating at times. I have two Bachelor's, and it was not easy. I hope I have the strengh.
 
I had to put a lot of space between me and my family in order to begin my recovery from my childhood. It meant a lot of space between my mom and myself...alot. (no contact). My brother is disordered...I doubt I could have an honest conversation with him. My sister is dead. Over time, a few family members who are a bit healthier floated back in my life. But still at a distance. It is just safer that way. It really hurt at first, now i feel ok about it. Family is over-rated if you have an abusive, disordered family.
 
Family is over-rated if you have an abusive, disordered family.

Hear hear!

I havent been in contact with my mother for twenty years. Only a few years ago, I connected with her again on a very superficial level.
But I am finding myself needing to break the contact again, after some new facts that came up.

Contact with my sisters is not possible because of our shared trauma, that we all handle differently. To much fights, competion, betrayal, lies, manipulation, and such.

To spare myself all the hurt and drama, I have decided long time ago to cut of contact with my sisters, and now again with my mother.
There just is nothing to gain from contact. We are all damaged goods, and nothing constructive can come out of it.

It is not worth the pain, or the drama they put you trough. I'd rather be alone than caught up in the whirlwind of drama and mindgames.

We are just strangers that grew up togher, and my two younger half sisters, are the childeren of my stepdad, and they are still in touch with him.
He ( as now turns out) has not only caused tremendous amounts of extreme violence ( domestic violence) but he also sexually abused my older sister, and me ( altough not as frequent and bad as he did with my sister). So it is impossible to have any sort of contact with my younger sisters, because they will not alow themselves to believe the sexual abuse really happend.

My mother is still in contact with him, she and him do bussiness togheter, off course she denies/minimizes the violence, and the abuse...

It is such a pile of complex relationships and bonds...I choose to stay away from it as much as I can.

I used to feel sorry for having no contact, but now after all these years, I can see it is for the best.
 
"It is not worth the pain, or the drama they put you trough. I'd rather be alone than caught up in the whirlwind of drama and mindgames"

Sterre, that's what sums up my relationship with my family. Drama and mindgames. I made the mistake and moved to be closer to my sister, but I see that I was stupid. Things got worse not better. I've been here for over seven years, and my sister has not asked me to go shopping, or visit me? I end up going over to her house. The times she did come, I could tell that she was not comfortable. If her friends call, she would break her neck getting to them. I don't care anymore. I give up. Like I said earlier, my brother is the smart one, he stays away. The last time I spoke to my brother was last September. I don't hold this against them. He deserves to be happy, and I set him free. Our childhood was awful, and who wants to be reminded of it.
 
It's so common to have a bad family it's a TV Trope.

"They're very likely to feature at least one Magnificent Bastard, Evil Matriarch, Manipulative Bastard, "Well Done, Son" Guy, Unfavorite or Black Sheep. There may be a Lady Drunk. While not frequent, Brother-Sister Incest and other kinds of canonical incest are most likely to be featured within this family. They also like to wage war with other families. Deadly Decadent Courts typically feature several of them. If they've been screwed up for a while, they're likely to have a Tangled Family Tree."

Source: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BigScrewedUpFamily
 
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