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Fear Of Attending Our Kids School Performances.

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Guy1

Watching the event in my head, reliving the vivid image of watching a friends head blown open. Like a brutal assault a giant beating my comrades head into Iron re-bar embedded in concrete. Time slowing down, each second becomes polarized individual frozen event, flashing to the next image circumstance change. Pure silence, like sound doesn't exist. Pure darkness except intermittent flashes of light , concussion waves hitting the chest with each flash. Suddenly Instructions being screamed into my head, each word clear succinct. 'Get' 'him' 'outta' 'here', 'we' 'will' 'hold' 'them' 'off!!' Reality rushing in Blood all over me now, evac secure. time begins to speed up again, the dream of normalcy kicks in... I don't trust it. Time progresses in years in my life, wife kids, school. Picking up kids from the school the other parents, in cliques feels like JH, all over again. Not wanting to be owned by social strata, I take the bold, the sociable, push for social interaction with other parents, this strategy works for about a month. Oct, other parents who said hello who seem to like me, well they turn away from me now. Has my attempt at normal life, back fired? Have I been too much too loud, too bold? Have I stood too close to people, while not realizing, I spoke too loud? Unintentionally have I spoken about topics un-befitting such a group? Hyper vigilance kicks in mistrust, a desire not to have ever see these people again. The kids are late every day for school missing their bus, forcing me to speak to the office staff, they are rigid, cold unforgiving. Xmas rolls around, flashbacks haunt me, I was trying feel the joy of Christmas trying to block the bad. Unexpected `extreme ``behav`iou`r from a friend leaves me rattled, confused, destroying pretty any chance of peace. Each time going to the school becomes more alienating.
 
Hi Guy! Welcome!

Sounds like you are experiencing flashbacks while yet trying to maintain a 'normal' life. Very difficult.

You have very good questions about relatedness: Did I speak too loudly, come on too strong, etc.? These would be great questions to thresh out in therapy.

I often wonder if I 'come on too strong'. It's not easy to know.

Ben
 
Unexpected `extreme ``behav`iou`r from a friend leaves me rattled, confused, destroying pretty any chance of peace. Each time going to the school becomes more alienating.

This affects me as well. Can you go into more detail if that is okay?
 
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