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Feel failure a freak

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Wjk

New Here
Hate feeling this. It comes over like huge wave. Now I know take hours before it goes and damage will be done. Thi gs said, reaching out to people embarrassing myself. Only to know words or a tons can't wipe this day from peoples memories. Weak for not having ended my life years ago. Never to ha e had my kids n save them from me. They didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for my. Mum. Why?? What the hell happened. I never used to be like this. No love get look forward to things. No reason for fear. Soon as something good happens I find something to worry about. I do t eat bad foods for fear something bad will happen. When I feel good and realising how silly that is I eat it and boom bad mood or day happens. So proves me right!! I let my walls down with husband n others n boom! Kicked back 10 paces. Forgive me for spelling, I'm typing fast. Shaking g here. Day off with husband n I'm Sat on bathroom floor. All because daughter asked for school book we can pay for through school website. He went to do it and I said hang on... Felt knots in my stomach. I deal with finances, always been that way and it works. Then freaked. Didn't say y to my daughter. She would cope without me. He will find someone new. I really want to go now.. Truly truly do. I can't keep txing friends about it. Need to shut the F up n just do it.
 
Welcome, and first of all you are not a freak. You are hurt, confused, overwhelmed, and a lot of other things, but you are not a freak.... Hope you get yourself some help if you haven't already, and come here and share, we don't care about the spelling... we hear you.
Really hope you try to stick around here and see that many things can be done, and it does get better.... it's hard work, but so is being so uncomfortable in our own skin..... glad you found us....
 
Thank you. Day off work, and so does hubby. After this morning episode, and calmed down explaining to him this forum and how relieved I am to be among people who know. Thank you so much. I will be focusing n me I a healthy selfish kind of way.. How are you doing?
 
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