Hate feeling this. It comes over like huge wave. Now I know take hours before it goes and damage will be done. Thi gs said, reaching out to people embarrassing myself. Only to know words or a tons can't wipe this day from peoples memories. Weak for not having ended my life years ago. Never to ha e had my kids n save them from me. They didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for my. Mum. Why?? What the hell happened. I never used to be like this. No love get look forward to things. No reason for fear. Soon as something good happens I find something to worry about. I do t eat bad foods for fear something bad will happen. When I feel good and realising how silly that is I eat it and boom bad mood or day happens. So proves me right!! I let my walls down with husband n others n boom! Kicked back 10 paces. Forgive me for spelling, I'm typing fast. Shaking g here. Day off with husband n I'm Sat on bathroom floor. All because daughter asked for school book we can pay for through school website. He went to do it and I said hang on... Felt knots in my stomach. I deal with finances, always been that way and it works. Then freaked. Didn't say y to my daughter. She would cope without me. He will find someone new. I really want to go now.. Truly truly do. I can't keep txing friends about it. Need to shut the F up n just do it.