I am having a hard time moving today. Brain still going, fingers will type some, not much else. Am stuck at home on the couch, made myself eat, but... I feel like lead. I have to go out, i have work to do. I've been burning out a while, then last weekend a huge trigger followed by the detachment, minor paranoia, disconnect, tension, crying, loss of focus, bad sleep, sensitivity, achiness, panic attacks. Like an earthquake.
and I don't know what to say to get some help. I am scared. Been telling my therapist and i keep getting 'so sorry.' I don't want sorry. I want some help to be able to move again. I gotta get up off this floor. I just need to go two more days. I can do it, it's just exhaustion, just PTSD.
I bet I've worn her out and she's not going to help me. I tried. I tried melatonin last night, tried music, can't get to the bath, I don't want to go out, but I promised, work is counting on me. I have 90 mins to be somewhere. It's gotta get to ok.
I feel like it's not enough. If i was going to kill myself would she care? I'm not, I just can't seem to get up. I'll force it, I'm sure, I usually manage, or what if I don't. I will.
She'll probably say I don't need help, just need to rest. So easy to say!
I think I am feeling really really alone. I might be hating being alone and having to take care of myself right now. I wish I was my little daughter ha, and had help getting through today.
and I don't know what to say to get some help. I am scared. Been telling my therapist and i keep getting 'so sorry.' I don't want sorry. I want some help to be able to move again. I gotta get up off this floor. I just need to go two more days. I can do it, it's just exhaustion, just PTSD.
I bet I've worn her out and she's not going to help me. I tried. I tried melatonin last night, tried music, can't get to the bath, I don't want to go out, but I promised, work is counting on me. I have 90 mins to be somewhere. It's gotta get to ok.
I feel like it's not enough. If i was going to kill myself would she care? I'm not, I just can't seem to get up. I'll force it, I'm sure, I usually manage, or what if I don't. I will.
She'll probably say I don't need help, just need to rest. So easy to say!
I think I am feeling really really alone. I might be hating being alone and having to take care of myself right now. I wish I was my little daughter ha, and had help getting through today.
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