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Feel like i can't get up

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Leah123

MyPTSD Pro
I am having a hard time moving today. Brain still going, fingers will type some, not much else. Am stuck at home on the couch, made myself eat, but... I feel like lead. I have to go out, i have work to do. I've been burning out a while, then last weekend a huge trigger followed by the detachment, minor paranoia, disconnect, tension, crying, loss of focus, bad sleep, sensitivity, achiness, panic attacks. Like an earthquake.

and I don't know what to say to get some help. I am scared. Been telling my therapist and i keep getting 'so sorry.' I don't want sorry. I want some help to be able to move again. I gotta get up off this floor. I just need to go two more days. I can do it, it's just exhaustion, just PTSD.

I bet I've worn her out and she's not going to help me. I tried. I tried melatonin last night, tried music, can't get to the bath, I don't want to go out, but I promised, work is counting on me. I have 90 mins to be somewhere. It's gotta get to ok.

I feel like it's not enough. If i was going to kill myself would she care? I'm not, I just can't seem to get up. I'll force it, I'm sure, I usually manage, or what if I don't. I will.

She'll probably say I don't need help, just need to rest. So easy to say!

I think I am feeling really really alone. I might be hating being alone and having to take care of myself right now. I wish I was my little daughter ha, and had help getting through today.
 
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I can relate to this feeling of no energy.
Melatonin helps me to sleep in past 4:30 to 6 am, or if I keep waking at 2 am and can't fall back asleep, which is a sign of insomnia caused by the depression of PTSD. But other than that, it weighs me down like you're describing all day. I can't pull out of it, so I don't take it. I might keep it if I go into insomnia but then I have to plan on being tired for two days following the dose.

I'm going to try Thianine, or whatever the substance/powder is from Green Tea. It's supposed to increase GABA naturally and help with sleep, making alpha waves happen in the brain. I believe that is what is intended to be induced from meditation.

Maybe you could make a deal with yourself. When I have no motivation to do something I should do, I get really upset and negative and PTSD-land. I felt this way about a long day when I was tired, dragging, followed by a meaningless and stressful meeting at the end of my shift. I hate those meetings every month. It was really getting me down all day.

Finally, I figured I could try focusing on what I would enjoy doing after the meeting and fun times later in the week, and this actually worked to reframe the day. I didn't even end up doing the walk I wanted because of the weather, but it did work to lift my mood and I got more out of the meeting.

I hope you can find a carrot to dangle in front of yourself to pick yourself up.
 
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Thanks Muse, I was thinking about a carrot before, about chocolate, and then I forgot. Things are such a mess here. But yeah, I should go and then promise myself a wonderful dinner, not in budget but worth it to get me out of house for this event- it's probably my last one for a while. I don't know if I can convince myself, but I believe in reframing too like you said, just a lot harder today, but I have to go. What if it's a wonderful indulgent dinner after that, and I get to write something beautiful, because that's where I'm going, to do some reporting on something very important... and I can do it justice which would be a pleasure. I have to do it. Then dinner and sleep. And sleep this weekend, until I feel better.

I never take melatonin, so maybe it did get me, I was just desperate for a good night's rest. Thanks.
 
My husband Skyped me and I tried to tell him how I was feeling. He said he'd be home to get my daughter from school to help me. It was hard to say okay, I normally don't, but today I said please, yes. Good of him to help me. Now I must get to work!
 
That's the funny thing. Sometimes I can take melatonin and it's great, and people even remark that I look more healthy the next day. And I feel better. But then it gets to be too much other times and I can't move.

I suspect that brain chemistry with PTSD can really vary and that what works one day won't work another. And that's frustratingly inconsistent. I think dosage changes are needed, and I suspect this is why many PTSD sufferers become addicts.

I've really tried to be self-disciplined and be as consistent as possible with my timing, dose, sleep hygiene, etc, to keep on as even a range as possible. Yet, one does of melatonin can do what you're talking about to me, and that's frustrating, isn't it?
 
It is frustrating. Very ironically, my trigger this time, that kicked off this spiral, was something I did purely to relax. Sigh.
 
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