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General Feeling Completely Burnt Out For Months

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Hey supporters, hoping for input. Ever since January of this year, I've just felt completely emotionally burnt out. I don't recall where it even started, but I've just been completely unable to be there emotionally for my sufferer. Her emotions were just explosive and self-destructive and as bad as it sounds, I just continuously kept getting overwhelmed and terrified, and one day I just shut down and asserted my boundaries, telling my sufferer that I refused to skype call her until I felt stable. (She's my best friend long-distance, we talk through skype and phone most of the time.) This took a while for her to adjust and she's not handling it very well since she's more of a sensual person, feeling comforted by sound and other senses that ground her, rather than written words. Yeah, this...causes a few issues.

But I thought after a month or two I'd just get back to normal and be able to get into voice calls without feeling completely cornered, scared or burntout. It's now mid-April.

Yeah, I'm basically at a loss here. Is this normal? Have other supporters just completely shut down before from being exposed to way too much stress and expectations? I really hate feeling this way because I feel like my sufferer deserves better, but I have to put my self-care first. Not sure if I'm venting or asking for advice. Guess I'm just sick and tired of BEING sick and tired. I dunno if it's because my sufferer kept begging and latching onto me and just in general acting in a seemingly co-dependant way for a while that just got me to shut off or what. Whatever it is, it's now frustrating because she's gotten waaay better since January and my brain is still just like..."Error404, emotions not found."

Man, this sucks.
 
@Sweetpea76 Well, by 'getting better', I mean she's not despairing and being excessively symptomatic, from what I've seen...January and December were pretty bad for her since they're holiday seasons. She's been going through therapy and she's been doing things like showering, eating and drinking water (compared to when she hadn't changed her clothes in 3 days and hadn't taken a shower in a week, from what she's told me, but I guess I never know for sure...)

Thing is, she still does frequently express discomfort at typing her thoughts and feelings - she says she feels like "her thoughts are all over the place", and "she gets so confused" when she tries to type things. Writing out her thoughts was never her strongest suit - surprisingly, she's more of a better public speaker. Resuming skype calls would make her feel more comfortable in communicating her thoughts and feelings to me. However, since I have Asperger's, any slight shift in emotional tone is drastic to me - her voice when she's upset or distressed kind of overloads and resonates in my brain. It sucks because I used to be able to handle it fine, but then it kept happening over and over again and it got too much.

Resuming calls would probably help her feel like someone's listening and that she's expressing herself better.
 
Take care of yourself and keep yourself healthy. If you aren't healthy, you won't be able to be a strong supporter anyway. I used to hear that a lot when I was running out of energy and exhausting myself trying to be a good mother to my boys. If I didn't take care of myself first, then I would be unavailable to take care of my sons' needs. If you have flown on an airplane, the flight attendants always tell the adults to put on their oxygen masks first, so they can then assist with those flying in their care. Take time for you, so you can be better equipped to help with your friend.
 
This is the biggest reason why I preferto remain single (at least for where I am currently in my mental state.) I don't want to do this to someone else.

By no means am I suggesting either of you are in the right, or wrong. This is just a thing that happens. You obviously care for her a great deal. And from what you described, it sounds like she is trying. There really doesn't seem to be any blame, to pass either way.

Basically what I'm saying is that, yes. This is a thing that happens. You may regain the your compassion, you may not.

I would suggest that if you aren't in therapy, maybe you should go. This sounds like one of those things that isn't going to blow over for being ignored.

Also, if you aren't in a mental place to cope with her, communicating in the way she prefers. She may just have to make do with what you are able to do, for now.

As great as it is that our supporters are often willing to bend over backwards to make things easier for us. A relationship, even a ptsd one. Is still a two way street.

EDIT: In case it wasn't clear. My choice to remain single, is my own. I don't think anyone should do this. This is my choice for my life. I mentioned it simply to provide the situation from which I am speaking from.
 
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Thank you for the insight, I truly appreciate it. I am aware that I should take care of myself, I'll keep doing so. I haven't seen a therapist at all, mainly because I'm unsure if I can financially afford it. Still, I will consider it since it seems there's a possibility that chronic depression runs in my family.

I'm grateful she's making due with what I can provide. It's just difficult because she's used to being neglected/unprovided by others, she has no solid social group to fall back on, so I end up being guilty for taking care of myself when she feels alone. I know it's not my fault though and I should first and furthermost take care of myself first, and I'm not going to be of any help to her if I end up going bananas.

I might just also be stressed out because I'm in school and struggling to find a job. That might definitely contribute to it. Still, thank you so much for the input everyone, it is helpful to hear second perspectives to put my head on straight, lol :)
 
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