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Feeling confused about ptsd diagnosis

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Beyondblue

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Hi everyone!

I’m a 23 year old female who was diagnosed with PTSD a little over 2 years ago. I’m really confused about my diagnosis though.

It stems from a sexual assault. I️ was sexually assaulted by a guy in my church. It was traumatic for me and I️ did feel helpless during the event because he physically held me down. Anyways, I️ went to my pastor with this and he said that “There’s no telling what a guy will do another with a naked girl”. And he just had a very male dominated way of thinking.

It was a very conservative church and I️ felt like my pastor took the side of the guy’s family because they are a very prominent family in the church. I️ grew up in that church my entire life, and it was my whole world. (Now I realize this was a very unhealthy thing). My trust was very strong in my pastor so I️ was devastated when I️ didn’t feel like he handled the situation with care. I️ felt that I️ lost a part of who I️ was. He encouraged me to keep it on the down low and to not talk to a lot of people about it, so I️ didn’t. This made me feel very isolated and alone. I️ was encouraged that I️ just needed to get over the hurt and continue to come to church. So I️ did. It was extremely hard at the beginning.

I️ would have panic attacks before going into the church and instead of feeling safe, it just felt scary. I️ had nightmares about the guy who did it to me and experienced a lot of hyperviligance. I️ finally went to see a professional and they diagnosed me with PTSD. But I’m not sure if my ptsd stemmed from the sexual assault or the treatment of my pastor.

Every since that event, I️ have always felt like I️ had this cloud of depression hanging over me. I️ want to go back to who I️ was before it, but it seems that I️ can’t.

I️ just left That church two months ago but I’m going to church in a different town, but same organization. I’ve noticed recently that when people there have a clap that reminds me of my previous pastor that I️ feel very anxious. In fact, it makes me feel like crying and want to run away. Even though it’s a different church. If anyone has certain mannerisms of my old pastor, my body will physically react to it.

My question is this. Does this sound like ptsd? Could I️ have it from both the sexual assault and the treatment by the church?

Thank you.
 
I️ finally went to see a professional and they diagnosed me with PTSD. But I’m not sure if my ptsd stemmed from the sexual assault or the treatment of my pastor.

I am so damn angry at the rapist and the asshole of a so called minister of the church:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: I wish that I could have gone with you to that piece of trash pastor and I would have told him off and taken you out of there to safety. He did so much damage to a very vulnerable and trusting person someone Jesus was really angry at. Jesus never condones such a thing and I am sure his heart is both angry and heartbroken for you and has a way out of this hell you are in and will take you to better days in your future once you are able to achieve recovery and healing in your process

I am so very sorry that this happened to you by these two evil men. I hate and detest pastors who lie and cover things up and reduce the victims to a life of being condemned for something they never did wrong about. If you want to pc me you can and you can vent away all you like.

we had a man in our church that was always being inappropriate with the women and I was one of his victims and the stupid asshat of a pastor covered it up and as far as I know the man is still there. I left the church along with our family and withdrew our membership. I still hate the pastor because he bears more responsibility in my eyes. '

My heart hurts for you so much and I offer cyber hugs and I will be praying for you to have a measure of peace for your courage in posting your story here. You deserve so much good and support now so I am so glad that you are here because you will get so many people here who both understand and believe you. The rapist was a criminal and charges should have been brought against him and the pastor was in a position of responsibility to have this man removed from the church and have him arrested and should have supported you and warned other women in the church about your rapist. This was a crime against you both times as far as I am concerned and I am just so sorry for all of the hell and torment that you have been going through.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
The ptsd stems from the sexual assault, and the pastor added insult to injury.

In essence, it’s all tied up in the original assault. If that makes sense.

Once you have ptsd, you have it. Just because you experience anxiety symptoms from something that wasn’t the original criterion “A” trauma doesn’t mean you have ptsd from the second set of events.

In essence, ptsd is ptsd is ptsd. You need a criterion “A” event such as sexual assault, but then after that, it can be a crap shoot as to what will spike your symptoms. It’s not necessary for symptoms to be set off just by the original trauma. Our brain can form connections, so that things like being minimized will then spike symptoms as well, even though the minimization wasn’t what set things in motion. Sorry if this is confusing as it’s late here.
 
I had two different military chaplains tell me that the assault was my fault...but it would be ok since Jesus would forgive my sins for the horrible things I did to stay alive. I avoided the entire Christian world for a long time after that

@EveHarrington is right when she says the trauma starts the ptsd...what happens next just keeps adding to it. It's like a big layer cake and each layer is a new ptsd injury. I'm hoping that you are getting help from a professional (NOT religion based) counselor who you can trust enough to tell both stories to because they will need to treat these as individual incidents to help you understand you were victimized twice
 
Having been through the assault, part of your PTSD is that your brain is now on high alert, constantly checking for any potential sign that you may be assaulted again.

Even though it’s a different church, your brain is registering: oh, this is a church like that last church where I wasn’t safe, and that clapping is like the clapping at the place where I wasn’t safe...maybe I’m in danger here too.

As you move through your recovery, your brain will gradually become more relaxed, as it realises that you are genuinely safe now. But for a while, small seemingly innocuous things may trigger anxiety or panic. Your brain is simply trying to protect you from being assaulted again, and it’s doing that by setting off your stress response at anything that it likens to the circumstances of your assault (sounds, smells, etc).

When you notice this happening, either at your new church or wherever it happens, remind yourself that you’re safe, and focus on taking some deep breathes. Deep breathing forces the brain to relax, and hopefully the panic will pass. If you need to, step outside for a while, drink some water, and try to notice your anxiety levels coming down.

If you can stick with it, this is a symptom that will ease off gradually over time. Definitely consider speaking to a therapist or professional for support if your symptoms are interfering with your ability to engage in the important things in your life:)
 
I agree with everyone who already posted.

If it helps, I was raped and I told my boyfriend at the time in a hypothetical manner because I was scared. He told me it was my fault and that he'd consider it cheating so I bottled it for years. I was re-victimized three years ago and I finally got help from a professional a few months later. I've made so much progress. All three of those instances are being treated separately, as @Freida mentioned with needing to work through them.

I want to back up the encouragement of speaking to a professional. It does wonders. :) I'm so sorry this happened to you.
 
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