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Feeling Low Due To Anniveraries

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PureDogs

Confident
Good Morning,

I have been faced feeling low since last weekend to today because of the anniversary month is coming very soon. I noticed that I have struggle with flashbacks, leading me feeling depressed, shame, guilt, confusion, anger, and asking self-questions about this.

The flashbacks are annoying and it kept on flash in my mind.

The month of May is the worst trauma for me due to being in hospital due to suicidal attempt due to re-living experience with someone who did not understand me. I prefer not to detail why, how, what happened here because it is too complicated, sensitive for me to think about.

Well, May 2014 - it will be one year. One year anniversaries does bother me the most then it fade afterwards - the trauma happened last year - May 2013.

I felt withdrawal, avoiding, and not in good mood. I also feel that I don't want to be bothered or being touched. Someone who I am getting know (The same person - The person finally understood where I come from and research about PTSD) is aware of this and felt helpless - wanting to be there for me. I admit that I do push this person away lot of time due to these flashbacks but the person has been being patience with me.

Some people asked me if I'm alright - I simply said yes, I'm fine just being tired which is the truth. It is because I don't sleep well even I'm on prazsoin - I can tell the difference if I had a bad dream or not based on how I feel when I get up. Yes, I take Cymbalta on low dosage; it does help, however, what I have experience is way too strong to handle.

I simply don't want to open up about what bothering me and I know if I share, they probably would not understand because I tried that before. Yes, my supervisor is aware of this because I shared it with my supervisor so my supervisor would be aware of what is happening with me.

I will see my shrink next week and express what I have experience. I'll see my therapist next week as well.

I had the similar trauma in February 2009 and I feel like I'm reliving it again.

I'm wondering if you have similar experience I have went through? If so, how do you handle it?

I admit that I do wish that I have friends that has suffers of PTSD and able to support, someone to talk with. The person can be one as well and I know it is not the same because the person doesn't have PTSD. It's very hard for me to open up, the person does know that. Again, the person has been patience with me and know I will open up one day.

Sorry if this is a long thread - I just need to type and get it out of my chest.

If you feel that comment should be in private, feel free to inbox me. Otherwise, feedback would be appreciated.

Thank you for your time read this thread.
 
@PureDogs I have more anniversaries than the Gabor sisters combined. ([DLMURL]http://voices.yahoo.com/the-numerous-marriages-gabor-sisters-6956000.html[/DLMURL]). Not marriages but just anniversary dates. It is funny because even as a child I cried every year on my birthday. I didn't know why until five years ago and I am now over 50. I wish I understood how I just knew. It is good that you are typing the words as at times that in itself can be very healing. I don't know the details of your anniversary date but I know I try to lighten the mood for anniversaries by singing the 'Happy Anniversary' song that Fred Flintstone did in one of his episodes. It has a fun and loving mood for me so I try to swing out of it with that.

I am sorry if that makes it feel 'too light' for you and am not trying to minimize what you are going through at all. I just try to get to a place where I can overlay something bad with a good feeling and that song relates directly to anniversaries and it was a much happier time for me. I felt loved.
 
An anniversary is only a day on a calendar. It doesn't have any meaning or power, beyond that that we give it. There are always going to be things that remind you of the past, both the good and the bad, but a reminder doesn't have to take over your life.

One approach that I've used is to give the anniversary a different meaning. May 3 is the anniversary of the death of the best friend I've ever had. I chose to use the day to remember him and our amazing friendship, not the trauma of the day he died. I don't actually have a single "trauma date". If I did, I think I'd focus on the positive aspects of the anniversary like survival and resilience, rather than dwelling on the trauma itself. Use the day to do something positive for someone else, maybe. An anniversary can be anything you chose to make it.
 
Thanks scout for writing what you did.

I am having a prolonged anniversary experience as my husband died in May 2013. I want to do something healing and remember the good times we had. I really appreciate the common sense approach you used. I will apply it to my experience.
 
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