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Relationship Feeling Sad

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My boyfriend has ptsd after being deployed for one year. He got home in July. The hardest part is dealing with him needing space and isolating himself from me. But he doesn't communicate that with me. He just blows me off and starts being distant. I have told him that he needs to communicate his needs to me and I will be understanding. It's just so exhausting dealing with him being hot and cold and it makes me depressed and gives me extreme anxiety. I just don't know if I can keep doing this but I don't want to lose him. We broke up for one month in October but it was too hard to be without each other so we got back together. I just feel so lost sometimes.
 
Sometimes when we sufferers are feeling distant, we are not in the world enough to share much of anything with others. Please be patient with him. I am sorry for your pain. I hope you can find comfort in what I have said here. I am sure others will comment in some other ways too, so that you can understand him better. Just remember that he is not his disorder! He is a person and needs love and compassion, but I am sure you know this.
 
The best advice that I received about PTSD relationships and how to cope was here on this site. It's multi-faceted. You need to respect his need for space and distance. Continue living your life, make plans, see friends, do self-care, have fun, do you while he does him, so that you're not always waiting around for him to reach out. You have needs, so get those met, and then be available to and for him when he does reach out. And the biggest one, but the hardest one, is just accepting that this will never be a "normal" relationship, and that it will not move at any pace other than his. If that is not something you can manage or cope with, then you have some serious thinking and decision-making to do. I think every supporter on here would agree that it's a conscious choice to be with a sufferer, and having eyes wide open about it is half the battle. Good luck to you and your sufferer. :):hug:
 
Thank you for the advice. It is really nice to hear from people who know and understand what I am going through. I can't really talk to a lot of my friends because they just see it as him blowing me off and they tell me that he's not good for me. But they have no idea what he is going through or has been through.
 
@Junebug I have the same problem, most of my friends don't get it and now they think the worst about him, which really sucks cause he's not a bad guy at all. I feel like the one place that I can share stuff and people will get it, understand, and not judge, is here. Most of the things that we hear about relationships and relationship advice just don't translate to our situations. And the things we need to do for ourselves and for our sufferers sometimes seem counterintuitive. Today is one of those bad days, so it's harder to frame things in the positive, because today, the struggle is very REAL.
 
Dear @queen , not I who posted but @Heidirose . But thank you for your kindness and understanding. Because, I guess I think of myself in the ways you say others don't understand. That is, to 'agree' to 'ditch' one's self too even knowing that other's explanations of my own thoughts and motivations are wrong. It is nearly impossible to not factor in ptsd, and still come to the correct conclusions. I (personally) never set out to hurt anyone.

I think supporters can be kinder to us than we are to ourselves.

I 'heard' recently that I need to do what's counterintuitive; strange how that often equates to self-kindness or less self-judgment or self-rejection than I feel would be all I deserve. When othrs say we are not worth it or not worth the trouble I suppose it 'sticks'.

Good luck to you both. Take care of yourselves. :hug:
 
@queen I think maybe I will stop talking to my friends about all the stuff that makes him look like a bad guy. The last thing that he needs is for people in my life to think he is a bad guy when really he is the most caring, thoughtful, and sweetest boyfriend. I just get frustrated at times and vent to people. But I think I will just resort to this website instead. I'm here if you ever need to talk. Sorry you're having a rough day.
 
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