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Feeling Trapped And Wanting To Self-destruct

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Chava

MyPTSD Pro
I'm way into a bubble and it's not even safe here. I don't even know why I'm posting. I'll see one of my doctors soon...maybe one of my pills is in the wrong dose and screwing up my mood. Nowhere, nothing, nobody feels safe so it feels impossible. I feel trapped by lots of circumstances and unwilling or unable to appreciate support or positive connections. Just irritable and like "get-the-F#(K-away-from-me" to the whole world. It all feels like a shit hole I was born into and hurting my body is a way to at least say I have some ownership of my space, even if I feel trapped. Images of destroying myself that I won't go into. But I won't hurt myself...I took a couple sleeping pills, will go to bed, and if I wake up spontaneously wanting to destroy myself I'll call the hospital or something. I don't know what happened to me.

I totally edited this but the old version shows up on the main page of the forum. Whatever. I don't care.
 
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When the races start happening, disconnect clear your mind, and say to yourself you are safe. I am safe, there's nothing hurting me, there's nothing after me. I am safe.
Hang in there!
 
Self-loathing sucks, there's no two ways about it. Sleep really is going to be the best thing, if you can get there. Can you focus on breathing, clearing your mind, maybe some progressive body relaxation stuff - just to make your amygdala quiet down?
 
Not self-loathing (I wish)...trapped. I destroy myself when I feel trapped. Breathing hurts, burning feels soothing...I'm a poorly-organized human. But I'm getting good and sleepy.
 
It is such as awful feeling to feel as trapped as that! I get how distressing it is. And how your brain throws out extreme ideas like destroying yourself in order to escape. I hope you can find a way to safety and away from the feeling of being trapped.
 
Today turned out not good. I'm safe but my body is crumbling under stress. I have some people able to help out with some of the stress though and am glad to not feel like I'm alone, drowning in a shit hole partly created by others in the environment. Alone I can't do it. Still feeling trapped and am looking at options while trying to just take care of myself right now. I just feel like tomorrow has to be better or I'll be in ER by Saturday. Again, extra sleeping meds, rest will be a good thing. Thanks for the support.
 
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