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Feeling Unwanted And Unloved

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ms spock

MyPTSD Pro
This thread originates from a discussion that Sandra and I started to have in the "Internet Dating for PTSD Dummies." That is a great, witty and heartfelt thread.

As we thought we might have gone a bit off topic Sandra and I decided to start this thread
"Feeling Unwanted and Unloved."

Please feel free to jump right on in with Sandra and I in this thread with your own contributions. I have been weeping whilst typing this all out. I hope even if one other person gets a small amount of relief, that I have felt, from Sandra and my conversation that would be a good thing.

Sandra and I are going to have our postings from the "Internet Dating for PTSD Dummies" pasted in to this thread.

ms spock
 
So I started off admiring the clarity of description of the normal is on my washing machine cycle which I think is brilliant.

And another member talked about not seeing someone because they were crazier than she is which is just so witty and honest.
 
I haven't been out with anyone since I broke up with my ex in early Feb. I have the hots for the guy who is before me when I go to see my psychiatrist.

That is really tragic I know.

He is a cutie though. So we have a 2 minute conversation once a week. Probably best to leave it at that.

ms spock
 
I never dated again after my husband died. And I was only 34 when he died. I have met some people from online but we only met as friends only.​
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/sandra.10838/"]Sandra[/DLMURL],
 
In answer to another member's comment:

That lack of real love and care means we settle for very little just to get a few scerricks of human interaction and a bit of love. Not being loved by our parents leaves us open to all types of exploitation. I don't know how to do the self love thing that much yet but I am hoping to go there to the place of self soothing, self care and self love and perhaps that might make a difference. I am hoping so. (First I have to accept all the loss and grief and be with that.)

ms spock

Sandra said:
I can sure relate to that Ms Spock. I never felt loved by any of my family. And was always treated like an outcast. Which made me like I just didn't belong anywhere. I felt like a lost soul that had no one to turn to or anywhere to go.​
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/sandra.10838/"]Sandra[/DLMURL],

You speak the language and concepts of my [broken and tattered] heart Sandra.

You understand what it is to be myself at this precise moment and time.

Feeling I was never loved by any of my family is something that effects the code of my dna. (Apparently it literally does they have found)

I have been always treated like an outcast by my family.

I ALSO FEEL that I just didn't and don't belong anywhere.

I felt like a lost soul that had no one to turn to or anywhere to go. And at this time I am feeling
incapacitated by this not belonging and not having any one to turn to and it is so hard.

Yet there is also a loss of the tremendous tension inside of my self in acknowledging these truths.
I have been able to stop the comfort eating which was concerning me a lot.

ms spock

It sure leaves oneself feeling so empty inside Ms Spock. and I can sure relate to that comment. As this is how I really feel. :(​
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/sandra.10838/"]Sandra[/DLMURL],
 
Surprising how much our tragedies etc have effected our love lives with dating and relationships.​
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/sandra.10838/"]Sandra[/DLMURL],

Sandra said:
Sandra said: [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/goto/post?id=264706#post-264706"]↑[/DLMURL]​
It sure leaves oneself feeling so empty inside Ms Spock. and I can sure relate to that comment. As this is how I really feel. :(​

I do feel empty inside Sanda. I feel so lost. I feel so forlorn. I feel so what the hell do I do with all of this? But mostly I just feel lost and forlorn and abandoned and rootless and unconnected.
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/ms-spock.4413/"]Ms Spock[/DLMURL],
 
Sandra said:
Sandra said: [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/goto/post?id=264707#post-264707"]↑[/DLMURL]
Surprising how much our tragedies etc have effected our love lives with dating and relationships.​

I think the relationships with your family of origin create patterns that, unless we do a lot of work, we repeat again and again and again. Because how we were treated as children trains us how we think we deserve to be treated as adults.

When you have been abused, abandoned, etc as a child means you didn't get to work out a whole lot of developmental phases as children so we are 41 and trying to work out our boundaries with other people, that a lot of other people got a chance to work out and learn at 5 years old. How much is enough and how much isn't enough and so on and so forth.

We are really behind the 8 ball.

ms spock
 
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I hear you loud and clear Ms Spock. It almost sounds like we had the same parents.​
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/sandra.10838/"]Sandra[/DLMURL],
 
When our parents never made us feel valued sure makes it much harder to deal with the world in everyway not just with relationships.​
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/sandra.10838/"]Sandra[/DLMURL],
 
In response to another member's post I wrote:

In Australia there is at least one guy that meets really needy women online moves in a week later and demands $2,000 to leave. It did happen to my ex's ex.

[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/ms-spock.4413/"]Ms Spock[/DLMURL],

Sandra said:
Sandra said: [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/goto/post?id=264712#post-264712"]↑[/DLMURL]​
I hear you loud and clear Ms Spock. It almost sounds like we had the same parents.​

That enacted upon us the same level of sadism and viciousness. I was the sacrifice in my family.

I so relate to what you are typing.​

Thanks for the validation and feedback.​
ms spock​
 
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That can be a problem with the internet. Anyone can be whatever they want behind the screen and no one would ever know.​
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/sandra.10838/"]Sandra[/DLMURL],
 
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