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Feeling very low today...

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Uce

My SO is currently in isolation, last saw him end of May. No phone contact at all and he doesn't do social media. Though I am uncomfortably used to him isolating (5-8 weeks at a time usually) I am finding it tougher this time.

After nearly 2 years he finally felt save enough and confident enough to hold my hand one night and tell me out loud how he feels about me. It blew me away.... he finished by telling me that he has to protect the people closest to him, including me. And I haven't seen him since.

This month happens to be his 40th birthday and I was looking forward to spending some quiet time with him, making a small fuss and giving him his gifts. All year he has been going to the 40th birthday bashes of his friends. And now its his turn I feel totally excluded and useless. I know its not what he wants but I totally would have done the GF thing and planned something special with all his friends and family. He may well have something in mind but I'm clearly not part of the equation.

I respect his space and send one simple text maybe every 2-3 weeks just checking in, sending positivity and letting him know I'm here. I get nothing back.

I am well versed with good/ bad stress, overflowing cups etc... but I'm tired of going to work feeling like s**t and making up stories about how great my weekend was, just to keep me from bursting in to tears. How is this protecting me? It hurts.
 
Ok, two years? You deserve more. If he's excluding you like this now, what's it going to be like in 5 years? Unless you want a future tolerating this, move on!!
 
I think it's strange that you call this person a S/O. He is an acquaintance.

What you describe above is not a relationship. Move on.

XO
 
I remember a circle set up around me, that had women calling me a Doormat' - aaagghh, I shiver at how from there greed/evil/cruelty somehow took over, a real difference between helping/offering support & harassing/hurting someone online. Anyway, I understood the context of what they were trying to say: a lack of good & healthy boundaries will invite a 'herd mentality' in, you are creating a situation for which sees you being used. There is a very real difference behind what someone says & what they do. His declaration that he is here 'to protect you & others' - words of a civil servant? Army, navy, police? - or perhaps what he imagines himself doing, but they are not words announced to the one you love, if & when holding their hand. His thoughts should have shown you alone how he felt, the distance, isolation & lack of time together, sadly is really showing you what he does/ who he is, where his priorities lay. The choice you make is to accept what is or raise your standard & find someone more compatible with you. You have so much to give & the right person will reveal their self to you when you make room in your life. Wishing you well
 
I also want to give hugs and support. I am at a point where I am finally letting go and moving forward from my sufferer.

I know that he does have feelings for me, he does want to be with me, but he can't. And it is only partly due to PTSD. But it is a large part of it.

I have come to a place where it doesn't matter why. He is just not showing up despite telling me that he wants it. Over a year of shut outs and break ups, I've had to realize there is nothing more I can do and nothing more I can say to him. He doesn't feel strong enough to be in a relationship.

So it's hard. It really is. Others might say he doesn't care for you, but you know he does. He has limitations. It's up to you to decide if you can keep at it and for how long. I wish you the best in this process. I know how you're feeling now.

:hug:
 
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