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Feelings About Termination Of Therapy

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Iam

MyPTSD Pro
I've read and been told by my primary T that termination of therapy is a very important part of therapy. A phase that for various reasons usually doesn't get to be processed because clients usually bail before it comes to that.

Funny, I've been with my EMDR T a year, but terminating with her feels good. I'm perfectly ok with it. Terminating with my other T however is making me very sad. I don't quite get it. Yes, I have been with him for just over 2 years now as opposed to only 1 year with Ann. I think it has more to do with Ann and I having a very clear agenda which I knew, when completed, would mean stopping our work together.

When I started with Dale 2 years ago I only knew that I was numb, depressed and acting out. So our goals were a little ambivalent. It took 6 months of exploring before I was able to tell him enough to determine I had PTSD and even longer for me to agree with him. When I finally did he suggested I find a specialist in PTSD to do EMDR with while we continued our talk therapy.

A week and a half ago I feel like he dropped a bomb on me. He told me he was going to be out of town for 10 days in mid Oct. I was thrilled because it's the first vacation he's taken since I started with him 2 years ago. Anyway, his appt book was full for this week and he wouldn't be able to see me until the 25th which is a FULL MONTH between sessions. He told me that he had other clients who needed to see him more than I do. BOMB!!!!

Initially I had mixed emotions, but more than anything was happy that I have come this far. A few days later I felt angry at Dale. It felt like he was dismissing me, like I am no longer a priority. I felt abandoned and somewhat frightened. Why the difference between how I feel about terminating with him and Ann?

I think maybe the "talk therapy" developed a deeper, almost personal, connection for me with Dale. That makes it harder. Also, he and I didn't have a clear agenda in the beginning other than to be able to feel emotions again. So our goals were a little general in comparison with Ann's and mine.
Also, I think that Dale's just "not having an available appt for me" and the "other clients need me more" statement feels more like manipulation. Dale has been very good about not "telling" me what do or what he thinks. He plants seeds that help guide me to the revelation myself so I own it. It makes sense that is what he is doing about our termination, but I would much prefer he be up front about it in a way that opened discussion about it. You know...."Well Lauren, let's review our goals. It looks like we've reached them and it's time to begin terminating therapy." That sure would have been an easier way for me to digest it.

IDK....maybe his bomb dropping seed was a better way. Maybe Dale, after 30 years of being a T, has experienced that it brings up more intense emotions which obviously need to be processed in the termination phase. GAH.....I REALLY dread having to bring this up on the 25th. I understand that our relationship not personal. It is a T, client one relationship meant to end, but I am going to miss Dale so very much. He's become a father like mentor. Not only that, admitting to him how I feel is going to make me feel very vulnerable. These feelings are one sided. I am only one of 20-30 clients he currently has. Not to mention 30 years of clients LOL!

Ahhh well, it's an important part of therapy. Processing loss. I have to admit though, I am so excited to be almost done. 2 years of 2 appts a week and all the energy it took processing on an almost constant 24/7 basis. Definitely a transition, but think of all the free time and energy I am going to have to focus on other (happy) things now!
 
Hi IAm, just seeing this thread now for some reason.

I think you've summarised very accurately the likely reasons why the termination of your therapy with Dale feels much different and more personal than that with Ann. The therapy relationship is a frighteningly unique dynamic and one which is quite unchartered and alien to most of us before we tumble on into it. I've often heard it said that the relationship is almost unlike any other, in that these are the people who come to know our deepest secrets, fears, triumphs and trials, often even more so than those with whom we are intimately closest. It stands to reason that those bonds will run deep and complicated and ever so fragile when it comes time to break them.

I have no personal experience, and, to be truthful, only a lot of enormous fear and trepidation when I think about it. I suspect I'm a long way away from this point with my own T, but this doesn't stop me from thinking and worrying aboutit. I imagine that managing the separation and termination are among the most challenging yet important aspects of therapy, and ones which must be handled professionally and sensitively if they are to be successful. I think I agree with you - if indeed this is Dale's way of commencing that process, openness and honesty would have been far preferred to some general deflecting rationale about others needing him more. It is your right, but his responsibility, to have this properly and ethically managed.

Sorry you have to hang in there and wait so long to see him again and have this issue dealt with. Please keep in touch and let us know how you go.

Oh, and I nearly forgot the most important part... congratulations so much on being at this point! As daunting as it is in some ways, this is an utterly enormous milestone and one you should feel justifiably proud of. Don't forget to give yourself lots of pats on the back and high 5s of achievement for all of your hard work!

Maddog
 
Personally I think it was inappropriate for him to say his other clients needed him more than you did. He should've been more sensitive than that to the possibility of making you feel like your emotions were being trivialized. However his intention, or the mentality that comment came from, may have been what you've already expressed, an indication that you've made tremendous progress. He feels like you're ready to start stretching your healed emotional legs and testing them out while leaving him, your psychological crutch, at home. That's definately something to be happy about. It's daunting at first, but it sounds like you've had a very positive T experience so far and you have plenty of reasons to feel proud of yourself and confident in your abilities. You've done a lot of hard work, now it's time for you to go out and be an example to others who are in the same place you were when you first started therapy and show them healing is possible.

You have some good insight into your emotions about the whole process of terminating. My current T told me that at the counseling center I go to/she works at clients will be on time for each and every one of their appointments religiously but then conviniently forget to go to their last one because saying goodbye is so hard. However it is an important part of the process, one that will be hard but necessary to work through. Kudos to you :tup:
 
I think it was insensitive too Robin. My trauma T had kind of a shocked look on her face when I told her what he said. I'd like to know what she thinks, but am sure that she wouldn't want to be caught in the middle. We agreed that I would process it with the T that said it.

I can understand clients missing the last appointment to avoid saying goodbye. I, however, won't do that. There are far harder things I've had to face in therapy than this. I figure if I had the courage and the desire to grow enough to stick with it this far, it's in my best interest to gain every last ounce of insight and growth I can, which includes processing the ending of therapy ;):(:eek::mad::(:oops::rolleyes::D
 
So......today I met with my primary T and told him how I felt about his parting comment last month. It was so hard.....It took me a bit to be able to start. God....I acted like I used to....all quiet and withdrawn. I have been very symptomatic over the last week and my anxiety before our session today was so high I almost threw up.

He understood part of why I was so upset that he said I needed him less than his other clients. He agreed that it was wrong and apologized for it. He tried several times to set our next appt, something we normally do at the start of our session, but I refused to do it at first. I told him that I don't know if I trust him anymore. He felt that all this would deepen our relationship which of course scares the hell out of me. I mean.....damn... it hurt enough thinking we were starting terminating therapy as it is now. Let alone after more therapy and a "deeper" relationship? GAH!

Turns out he had planned on doing his own evaluation regarding my PTSD instead of just going on what Ann, my trauma T did. Kind of a moot point considering I have become symptomatic again with anxiety, nightmares and some dissociating. Granted.....a lot has happened over the last week...my best friend moving out of state, my son getting arrested, my dad in ER again with a possible heart attack, my mom doing her wonderful BPD crap again and my stepfather wanting me to fly down and help him put her into an assisted living facility (as if she'd go, yeah right.)

My husband asked how my session went. When I told him it was extremely hard and that my therapy is going to continue indefinitely he was so upset. He is really disappointed and "deflated" because he thought I was almost done. I feel so bad. NOT helping my symptoms at all. SIGH.....I want to be done too. I really do. Damn it all, why did my symptoms have to flare up again? Is it just fate that so much would happen in one week? Is it self sabotage to be reactive? I've handled it fairly well....better than I would have a year ago anyway. Damn it!
 
So sorry IAM, what a horrible week, and little wonder that it's set you back temporarily. Try to remember that... this is a temporary setback only, and while it probably doesn't feel like it, you don't undo the progress you've made, you just deviate for a little while, the old 10 steps forward and 1 backwards.

I know i'ts disappointing to have to continue with therapy and your husband's reaction wouldn't have helped, but all credit to you for finding the courage to confront your T about his previous comment.

Keep hanging in there, you will bounce back, you've done the hard yards and you'll do a few more, but you know that light at the end of the old tunnel is blazing bright, and you can get there again.

Maddog
 
I've handled it fairly well....better than I would have a year ago anyway. Damn it!

:tup::tup::tup:

I'm sorry to read that your symptoms have been flaring up lately Iam, but theres been alot on your plate as I understand.
The fact that you write that you handle it fairly well, makes me believe that you are on your way up, maybe not there allready but progressing.
Hold on, there will be a time that you feel more confident about your new copingskills. There will always be situations that will trigger symptoms, it the way you are able to handle them that will determine if you are ready to let go of the therapeutic construction that you are in now.

Whenever my T and I discuss ending therapy I get reactive also. My symptoms flare up immediatly, untill I am reasured again that therapy is not going to stop untill I feel ready.

Hugs to you Iam!
 
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:tup::tup::tup:
Whenever my T and I discuss ending therapy I get reactive also. My symptoms flare up immediatly, untill I am reasured again that therapy is not going to stop untill I feel ready.

Thanks Sterre. It's good to know that my reaction is "normal". I kind of figured that it is, but also wonder if I haven't somehow sabotaged myself. At least my T now knows how terrified I am of it.

In fact when I said something about thinking of terminating therapy bringing up feelings of abandonment to my T he put his hand up and said "Whoa, I thought we agreed that termination of therapy would be a collaborative decision!" I explained that I predicated that on what I thought were seeds he had been planting and he told me that he'd explained that he wasn't doing that....... LOL.....OMG round and round we go!

Try to remember that... this is a temporary setback only, and while it probably doesn't feel like it, you don't undo the progress you've made, you just deviate for a little while, the old 10 steps forward and 1 backwards.

Thanks MD. Yeah, my T reminded me of that too only he said sometimes it feels like it's 1 forward and 10 back LOL! Yes a temporary setback and maybe needed in order for both of my Ts and I to see the issues that still need to be addressed.

The tug and pull, mixed emotions of so wanting to be done with therapy, not wanting to have to process any more and also being terrified of going out on my own without my T's is bewildering.
 
Met with my primary T today. I have felt awkward in our last two sessions because of his original comment and then one I made at our last session two weeks ago. Today I told him I felt awkward coming in now and wasn't sure we could or even should continue working together. I explained why and apologized for my comment. I told him I thought we should examine why I made it as well as the reasons why I was feeling so distressed about his comment.

He thought we had resolved the issue of his comment, but I told him he had never explained WHY he made it and my mind had run wild with different reasons. He did say that the fact that I see my Trauma T on a weekly basis is part of the reason he didn't feel I need to see him as often. That and the fact that I am obviously doing so well.

Funny.....he was happy that I had brought this stuff up, was thrilled with my own insight as to the whys of the two issues and said that this is exactly why we should continue therapy....for self growth. He loves that aspect of therapy much more than working with people who are just trying to survive. Though he didn't have to tell me, I've seen how energized he gets when we are working on things like that, i.e what new career should I pursue, my relationship with God etc.

So, I guess we've agreed to meet every other week for now. Whew, that is resolved, what a HUGE relief!
 
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