I've read and been told by my primary T that termination of therapy is a very important part of therapy. A phase that for various reasons usually doesn't get to be processed because clients usually bail before it comes to that.
Funny, I've been with my EMDR T a year, but terminating with her feels good. I'm perfectly ok with it. Terminating with my other T however is making me very sad. I don't quite get it. Yes, I have been with him for just over 2 years now as opposed to only 1 year with Ann. I think it has more to do with Ann and I having a very clear agenda which I knew, when completed, would mean stopping our work together.
When I started with Dale 2 years ago I only knew that I was numb, depressed and acting out. So our goals were a little ambivalent. It took 6 months of exploring before I was able to tell him enough to determine I had PTSD and even longer for me to agree with him. When I finally did he suggested I find a specialist in PTSD to do EMDR with while we continued our talk therapy.
A week and a half ago I feel like he dropped a bomb on me. He told me he was going to be out of town for 10 days in mid Oct. I was thrilled because it's the first vacation he's taken since I started with him 2 years ago. Anyway, his appt book was full for this week and he wouldn't be able to see me until the 25th which is a FULL MONTH between sessions. He told me that he had other clients who needed to see him more than I do. BOMB!!!!
Initially I had mixed emotions, but more than anything was happy that I have come this far. A few days later I felt angry at Dale. It felt like he was dismissing me, like I am no longer a priority. I felt abandoned and somewhat frightened. Why the difference between how I feel about terminating with him and Ann?
I think maybe the "talk therapy" developed a deeper, almost personal, connection for me with Dale. That makes it harder. Also, he and I didn't have a clear agenda in the beginning other than to be able to feel emotions again. So our goals were a little general in comparison with Ann's and mine.
Also, I think that Dale's just "not having an available appt for me" and the "other clients need me more" statement feels more like manipulation. Dale has been very good about not "telling" me what do or what he thinks. He plants seeds that help guide me to the revelation myself so I own it. It makes sense that is what he is doing about our termination, but I would much prefer he be up front about it in a way that opened discussion about it. You know...."Well Lauren, let's review our goals. It looks like we've reached them and it's time to begin terminating therapy." That sure would have been an easier way for me to digest it.
IDK....maybe his bomb dropping seed was a better way. Maybe Dale, after 30 years of being a T, has experienced that it brings up more intense emotions which obviously need to be processed in the termination phase. GAH.....I REALLY dread having to bring this up on the 25th. I understand that our relationship not personal. It is a T, client one relationship meant to end, but I am going to miss Dale so very much. He's become a father like mentor. Not only that, admitting to him how I feel is going to make me feel very vulnerable. These feelings are one sided. I am only one of 20-30 clients he currently has. Not to mention 30 years of clients LOL!
Ahhh well, it's an important part of therapy. Processing loss. I have to admit though, I am so excited to be almost done. 2 years of 2 appts a week and all the energy it took processing on an almost constant 24/7 basis. Definitely a transition, but think of all the free time and energy I am going to have to focus on other (happy) things now!
Funny, I've been with my EMDR T a year, but terminating with her feels good. I'm perfectly ok with it. Terminating with my other T however is making me very sad. I don't quite get it. Yes, I have been with him for just over 2 years now as opposed to only 1 year with Ann. I think it has more to do with Ann and I having a very clear agenda which I knew, when completed, would mean stopping our work together.
When I started with Dale 2 years ago I only knew that I was numb, depressed and acting out. So our goals were a little ambivalent. It took 6 months of exploring before I was able to tell him enough to determine I had PTSD and even longer for me to agree with him. When I finally did he suggested I find a specialist in PTSD to do EMDR with while we continued our talk therapy.
A week and a half ago I feel like he dropped a bomb on me. He told me he was going to be out of town for 10 days in mid Oct. I was thrilled because it's the first vacation he's taken since I started with him 2 years ago. Anyway, his appt book was full for this week and he wouldn't be able to see me until the 25th which is a FULL MONTH between sessions. He told me that he had other clients who needed to see him more than I do. BOMB!!!!
Initially I had mixed emotions, but more than anything was happy that I have come this far. A few days later I felt angry at Dale. It felt like he was dismissing me, like I am no longer a priority. I felt abandoned and somewhat frightened. Why the difference between how I feel about terminating with him and Ann?
I think maybe the "talk therapy" developed a deeper, almost personal, connection for me with Dale. That makes it harder. Also, he and I didn't have a clear agenda in the beginning other than to be able to feel emotions again. So our goals were a little general in comparison with Ann's and mine.
Also, I think that Dale's just "not having an available appt for me" and the "other clients need me more" statement feels more like manipulation. Dale has been very good about not "telling" me what do or what he thinks. He plants seeds that help guide me to the revelation myself so I own it. It makes sense that is what he is doing about our termination, but I would much prefer he be up front about it in a way that opened discussion about it. You know...."Well Lauren, let's review our goals. It looks like we've reached them and it's time to begin terminating therapy." That sure would have been an easier way for me to digest it.
IDK....maybe his bomb dropping seed was a better way. Maybe Dale, after 30 years of being a T, has experienced that it brings up more intense emotions which obviously need to be processed in the termination phase. GAH.....I REALLY dread having to bring this up on the 25th. I understand that our relationship not personal. It is a T, client one relationship meant to end, but I am going to miss Dale so very much. He's become a father like mentor. Not only that, admitting to him how I feel is going to make me feel very vulnerable. These feelings are one sided. I am only one of 20-30 clients he currently has. Not to mention 30 years of clients LOL!
Ahhh well, it's an important part of therapy. Processing loss. I have to admit though, I am so excited to be almost done. 2 years of 2 appts a week and all the energy it took processing on an almost constant 24/7 basis. Definitely a transition, but think of all the free time and energy I am going to have to focus on other (happy) things now!