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Feelings About Termination Of Therapy

Discussion in 'Therapy' started by Iam, Oct 8, 2011.

  1. Srain

    Srain "Please don't tell me not to cry." Premium Member

  2. Iam

    Iam VIP Member

    Thanks Anthony, I really needed to hear that. I do agree with you which is why I have read so many books on PTSD and mental health. I always have at least one new one going and frequently reread the books I find most helpful as well as info here. It seems I usually pick up nuggets that I forgot, missed before or maybe just wasn't ready for yet.

    I've always been a kind of "Work hard, get what you need to do done and move on". I expect that part of me was wanting to believe that when I get to the point of quitting therapy that I'd be done with all this PTSD ....ummm....stuff. Not really what I want to call it LOL! I still don't want to believe I will have to "manage" the symptoms so it won't come back, but that's not the way it works is it? :(

    Oh well, I am a fighter and even though I feel like giving up sometimes, I am not going to let this stupid disorder win! Besides....self growth should happen throughout our lives and maybe I can share what I've learned with someone else :rolleyes:

    Thanks for this forum Anthony.....it has made (and still makes) such a huge difference in my recovery! Not sure if I would have survived all this without you and the people here.
    Muse, anthony, VDWngr1355 and 2 others like this.
  3. Iam

    Iam VIP Member

    I started this thread last October, almost 6 months ago. Well the time to terminate with my EMDR T has finally really come. We've agreed that next Thursday will be our last session. I am going back to work on April 2nd to a job and position that I am so excited about! My T's office is over an hour away so there is just no way I can continue seeing her. If she was close by I would probably continue so it's a blessing as it helped to cut the umbilical cord. I have such mixed feelings though.

    I know that I'll be OK. We went over our goals that we set 18 months ago. Has it really been that long? I've reached every goal. That feels great! As of last Oct....I "lost" the dx of PTSD, but there are so many more accomplishments besides that. Those are the things that have enriched my life again.

    I wish I could continue because I am sure there are further insights I could gain with Ann. She is strong enough to never let me side step issues, but gentle enough that she kept me from free falling. What a blessing she has been. I will miss her. It really sucks, she's my age and we have a lot in common. Someone I'd want to be friends with if I'd met her in a social setting. I wondered at times if she was just saying she liked some of the things that I do so I'd feel connected to her. Honestly, she is too sincere of a person to lie like that. She actually started to tear up today saying how much she'll miss me. Funny, but she had to say that first before I could admit my feelings about it. Still hate being vulnerable, but I have opened up to others again which was one of my main goals. I have the skills to deal with issues and I know I can always call Ann if I need to. Though I won't be a bit surprised if she touches base every so often for awhile, just to make sure things are going ok. LOL ;D

    I will continue seeing my other T every other week for now. He is in my area once a week and can see me in the evening so it doesn't conflict with work. He and I aren't doing therapy any more. He's more of a spiritual director/life coach at this point. I've been with him for 2 1/2 years...................It's all pretty positive stuff now. I have no doubt that there will be more self discovery while working with him. Hopefully when we terminate I will feel like I do with Ann.....that yes, I will miss our sessions, but it is time to stop and move on. I hope so, but I doubt it. Leaving Dale will be like losing a parent, it's going to hurt like hell! That is in the future though, so no need to worry about that now.

    I have come so far, I feel whole again. Actually I FEEL again, but understand not to take my feelings so seriously while at the same time accepting them. I am a little scared, but not bad. Wow...I made it! AMAZING!
    sterre, Muse, Pottershand and 4 others like this.
  4. Heather

    Heather VIP Member Premium Member

    WOW!!! Lauren this is so awesome to read. I think you should print this out and tape it to your refrigerator or something:). Good for you! You go girl.

    I love reading this kind of stuff.... It gives me hope.

    Hugs. Heather.
    Iam likes this.
  5. Muse

    Muse VIP Member

    Me, too. I have never heard a story of good therapy like this one. Thank you very much for sharing it and living it!

    I am not going to therapy as I can't find a trauma therapist in town. Not even in the hospital. Some dabble lin EMDR, but those ones have poor reputations, and are known for stirring stuff up and not knowing what to do with it. Sounds bad for me.

    I am doing my own research, but I have little time or money. This forum is my lifeline. I have learned more here than in therapy or in the research. But everything helps. Feeling strong helps me to be strong. This gives me the strength to push back at PTSD symptoms. We have to not let it beat us. That came out from Counselor #1. That and nothing else, but, it was something at least.
    sterre and Iam like this.
  6. shell

    shell Guest

    It's motivating to read how well you've progressed, you must be very pleased that you never gave up even when things seems tough.

    It certainly will make me think twice about thinking it's all a big mistake, when I feel like giving up, that it is possible to improve. At times it feels like I'm jumping into a big hole, where there's no way out, by opening up.

    Well done
    Iam likes this.
  7. anthony

    anthony MyPTSD Admin Staff Member Premium Member

    Congratulations Lauren... really well done. You deserve the rewards of your hard work, now enjoy them and enjoy life please.

    Best wishes for your new jobs utmost success and happiness in your new life. Very proud of you for working through your trauma...
    Iam, Muse, Pottershand and 1 other person like this.
  8. intothelight

    intothelight Totally Quackers Duck Staff Member Premium Member

    Lauren,

    Congratulations on a job well done!! You have worked so hard and it is wonderful to see the payoff.

    Best wishes for your new job and just enjoy your life!!!

    Deb
    Iam and Muse like this.
  9. Pottershand

    Pottershand VIP Member Premium Member

    I am so very proud of you my friend. It is so good to see and hear positive things happening for you. I am so happy and excited for you. What an inspiration!
    Iam, Muse and intothelight like this.
  10. Iam

    Iam VIP Member

    Thanks everyone. I appreciate the thoughts more than you know :inlove: Saying goodbye to Ann at our last session wasn't as hard as I thought. The time felt right and it felt more like a celebration of the progress we had made. It was quite a journey we made together! It's been quite a journey here on the forum too. I wonder if I will keep poking my head in here every so often. Part of me feels it's time to move on. Another part wants to be a support to those here. To encourage those of you on the journey that you can make it and that it is worth the work. Then of course there are the friends here who have been such a support to me that I want to stay in contact with them.

    Muse, I don't think I could have done it without the help of the information and support here on the forum. I also have to admit that it was Anthony who was stern enough in a couple of his replies to my posts that helped me to accept my T's dx of PTSD. I really didn't want to, but that was the first step to getting healthy. Yes, we HAVE to push back at the PTSD symptoms. I think that learning that the symptoms are physiological chemical reactions in the brain was a huge help. It change my viewpoint of thinking that my reactions were caused by my being "weak minded" to understanding that it was an actual physical reaction. Somehow understanding that, it even though wasn't my fault, that I could change my brains reactions made it easier for me to fight back.

    Shell, If you go back and read some of my earlier posts you will see how many times I wanted to give up. I actually had myself committed to the hospital at one point. That black hole is extremely hard to dig out of, but it can be done. I remember my trauma T once whispering to me "Don't give up Lauren". That tiny whisper gave me enough strength to fight through the indescribable pain that I was experiencing at the time. I found there were times that I had to back off and regroup. I still went to my therapy sessions, but we worked on grounding and laid off the trauma work until I was able to handle it again. Shell (and anyone else reading this) don't give up, keep fighting for yourself, you can do it.

    Thanks again for celebrating with me you guys. I pray that all of you are able to find the same peace and joy I've found because you deserve it!

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