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Final Trauma Walk, No Anxiety At All.

  • Thread starter Deleted member 20280
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Deleted member 20280

When I was growing up I used to visit the local park with my parents on a regular basis. We had our own paddling pool I used to love paddling in as a small boy. This outing from the age of three until primary school being respite from my brothers near daily beatings.

An escape that was mine, an escape from normal abusive childhood life. It was usually my father who took me, I may have been very young at the time but today I remember it vividly, my first visual flashback in a long time, me running free across the grass, my father with my then little sister excitedly holding his hand. I would have been about 4 years old at the time.

I walked through the park this morning as a further 'Trauma Walk' I do these to expose myself to my numerous triggers to try and work through them better.

Difference today was this, I could still feel the panic and anxiety I had as a child but these were not transposed onto my soon to be 44 year old self. I felt dispassionate the whole time.

I stopped by the paddling pool, devoid of screaming and giggling toddlers and primary age schoolchildren.

As I turned the corner to walk down past the cricket clubhouse the visions hit me, aged 6 or 7 being hunted by my class mates after school hours. Hiding in the brambles and bushes to escape what I knew was coming. my knees and elbow's all bloody from the thorns. Them hunting me like a pack of wild animals. Hunting the 'Odd Boy Out'. I have threaded previously my passion for Ballet as a small child, I was pilloried for this right through my school life and early adult years.

Difference today as I walked past the clubhouse, I could remember how I felt at the time all those years ago yet today, again total dispassion.

Maybe I have finally conquered this demon once and for all. Probably too early to tell but I had that sense of feeling had anyone tried now what they did back then things would turn out rather differently.


I took my self on this 'Trauma Walk' to fight the anxiety this place has held in me for over 4 decades now.

Maybe I should have threaded this is achievements and Success Forum. Hey who cares I don't. If the thread needs moving then I will trust the staff to do what they feel is right.

For ME, today is a huge step forward in my daily anxiety battles walking around this town I grew up in that holds so many trauma memories people question my sanity on returning here 2 years ago.


Well, I am happy with myself that is for sure.
 
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