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Finding the Confidence & Motivation to Work Full-time

Discussion in 'Employment, Education & Disability' started by Awakening, Aug 12, 2007.

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  1. Awakening

    Awakening Well-Known Member

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    I am holding down a full-time job.:claps:

    The conditions; salary, benefits, holidays, flexible working hours are fabulous.

    Firstly, 12 months ago they did a re-structure and for the first time the place is a somewhat unhappy & negative one.

    The main problems which are probably common everywhere; alot of office bitching :fight:, apathetic & disconnected management, and because of the re-structure our job roles have become quite one-dimensional.

    I'm fortunate in that my role is relationship based & there are no set targets, I'm pretty much left to my own devices. However, I'm working at about 10% of my capacity, and this makes me feel like a failure.:doh:

    I used to be really good at this job. I was passionate and derived alot of pleasure from simply doing my job. For 12 months I haven't had that & I don't know how to get it back.:dont-know

    Because of the situation in the office, I avoid going into the office at all, as it really is intolerable on top of my own issues.

    I try to set small tasks to do but completely lack motivation. As a result of doing so little for so long, I think I've also lost my confidence.

    My work knows about my past depressive episode, but I have not told them about the ptsd. Recently my boss queried my behaviour (absent or angry) and performance (lack of), but I denied any 'personal problems'. I don't want to be the 'crazy' one:cuckoo:

    Does anyone else work full-time? How do you become motivated & confident again? It's important to me to keep working full-time as I think this helps my recovery.
     
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  3. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Awakening,

    I work full time, too. I work because I don't have another choice. Let me rephrase that...I don't give myself another choice. My family's financial future and working giving me a reason to get up in the morning are the two most important reasons I've kept working.

    The PTSD has affected all aspect of my life-work included. When I was going through the worst part of dealing with my traumas work was almost a break for me. I worked very hard to strap myself and my feelings down tightly just to get through the day. I had a number of issues with co-workers and completely withdrew from everyone I worked with except when it was absolutely necessary.

    You ask how does one get motivated and confident again. Well...I'm just starting to figure that out. A lot of it is lowering that wall I had constructed between myself and everyone at work. This is being done bit by bit. I've felt safe behind that wall. Now I'm tired of it, but scared to lower it completely. So I'm working on feeling safe and being more open. Tougher than it sounds. I have to remind myself that one step at a time is just fine. But I am finding that as I do that one step at a time that I'm becoming more confident in myself. Only a couple of people at work know about my PTSD and I'd rather not have the 'crazy' label, thank you very much. It's quite a balancing act, isn't it?

    So my advice to you is to work on your traumas, work on life maintenance (sorry-couldn't think of another phrase) with PTSD and then your work. At least that's the order that's been working for me. Hopefully as your private life proceeds, your work life will follow suit. It's like you gotta get all of the crap out of the way first in order to deal with the other stuff in your life successfully.

    Good luck
    Lisa
     
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  4. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    I too had to work through some of my roughest times. Wasn't easy, I remember during a really bad time.....I couldn't handle anything, I ended up overdosing and ended up in the ward. THAT was the time I was finally diagnose with PTSD.....

    The top shrink that diagnosed me....He felt that the only way to deal with it, was head on. Accept it, and I had to call everyone that I work for(I am self employed) and tell them what I had done, explain that I had PTSD, and how I was going to recover.

    I hated him for that, but he refused to sign me out until I( as he put it) Stand up and take responsibility for my actions and my recovery. I did it, it was hard, but I am still working for some of the same people 13 yrs later. I have a great bunch of customers, two very famous. I get along well with all of them.

    It takes time, hard work, and determination, but it's worth it in the end. My job is my salvation....

    Wendy
     
  5. Pitt Bull

    Pitt Bull Member

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    I too work full time and am going through a restructure of my job. I had to interview 6 times for my same job as everyone had to re-bid their jobs and interview with the panel. I am still waiting the results of the interviews. I was a complete wreck during the interviews and did the best I could. PTSD and anxiety really suck during these times. I have been doing much better after my boss told me that I interviewed well and impressed the panel. When my anxiety gets to be too much I get up and take a walk to clear my head. If that does not work I make a list of things I need to get done and then start focusing on one item at a time. Don't let the day to day get to you. Take each day one step at a time. Take time outs for yourself if needed. What ever you do leave your work at work and don't take it home with you. I had to learn that and it has helped with my family life since they really on me to bring home a paycheck. Good luck with your job and remember to take those breaks if needed. I too don't want the label of "Crazy" at work and I do what I can to prevent that from happening.:think::think:
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Awakening, its just one of those things really. Some can work, some cannot. If you can, then your doing well just achieving that goal. Well done to anyone who does, you deserve the appreciation for your efforts having PTSD. I don't work for an employer, though I do work here with people, something that doesn't cause me such stress like having a 9-5 job would. I could get out of bed each day, go to work, no issues with that part. It would be the dealing with idiots during the day that would snap me, which I would then no longer want to get out of bed fullstop, and wouldn't, or I would kill someone.

    I got like you at the end of my military career, where I was fortunate that I was left alone, yet I knew within myself that I was working to a small degree off my own capacity to work. I was still praised for the little I did, I avoided things greatly. I felt like a failure to myself, regardless what others saw or believed. If was kept myself busy, I actually came out of the slumps, being workaholism is an issue on itself, yet it still works I guess if you want to continue working and can live with the stress often released at home. If your single, that is ok I guess, because you don't come home to relationship stressors. Married is another story IMO.

    You have to look at things equally I believe, where if your happy with your job, then bring yourself out of the depressed state and above those that bring you down. If your not happy with the job, then maybe its time to find a new one. You have the power to make the choices, but only you can make them for you.
     
  7. Awakening

    Awakening Well-Known Member

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    Thanks everyone, this has really helped me alot.

    It's nice to know I'm not the only one, and it's important I keep things in perspective & that I put my health first. Health is definitely my number one priority now. No more kidding around.

    It's been a tough week is all. It's our busiest week of the year with some major things happening. Plus since joining this site, and reading all about PTSD, and getting the responses to my previous post, I've decided to abstain from my usual suppression, denial, drinking & instead learning to "stay with my feelings".

    In between juggling work stuff I've been bursting into tears over random things (unusual for me) and because I'm too busy this week I have no therapy appointment, so I'm missing that too.

    Also - insomnia & nightmares have escalated this week. Sleep deprivation doesn't help!

    I'm just a little all over the place at the moment. Stay tuned for the next mood swing...!!!
     
  8. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Awakening,

    Sounds like you are truly stressed right now....Is there a way to take even a few days off to re-group??? I know you probably can't but, you might have to....

    Do things on your days off that you enjoy and use to de-stress.

    Try not to feel guilty or upset for the problems that you don't own.

    Really try and ignore the office bitching.

    I know this will be hard, but remember back to the "Old You." The one that loved their job, the one that was passionate about their work..... That person is still there, and it obvious that you care deeply about your job. So just keep that old person in the fore front of your thoughts, make it a goal to make that person come alive again......The positive thoughts, will out weigh the negative over time......

    Hang in there,

    Wendy
     
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