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Deleted member 1860
I've been wanting to start this discussion for awhile as I find the concept of 5 love languages to be fascinating. (There is a post in the book club forum about one of the 5 Love Languages books, but you don't need to have read the book in order to join in this discussion, so I figured I'd post this as well.)
The general concept is that there are 5 general ways in which we best feel loved, and conversely, there are 5 general ways in which we best express love to others. The way we feel most loved is oftentimes not the way we most readily express our love of others. I know that mine are different.
The five love languages are...
1) Words of Affirmation (ie saying "I love you")
2) Acts of Service (ie doing things for other people)
3) Giving/Receiving Gifts
4) Quality Time (ie spending time with those you care about)
5) Physical Touch (ie hugging, kissing, sexual contact, etc)
My personal order of how I feel love is...
1) Quality Time...By far & away, this is the best way I feel loved. If you care about me, you'll spend time with me.
2) Acts of Service...I am quite appreciative of any time someone does something to help me.
3) Receiving Gifts...I am neutral on this one. Receiving an occasional gift is nice, otherwise, gifts mean little to me.
4) Physical Touch...Perhaps an anti-love language. Half the time when I'm touched I want to come out swinging.
5) Words of Affirmation...DEFINITELY an anti-love language. Hearing "I love you" makes me want to throw up.
My personal order of how I express love is...
1) Quality Time...I try to give as much time to those I love, but anxiety issues get in the way much of the time
2) Giving Gifts...Nothing grand, usually its a small token of my appreciation, or a simple "thinking of you" gift
3) Physical Touch...I like to touch others (hugging) as a way of saying I care. This contrasts with the above list.
4) Acts of Service...Neutral on this one. I don't mind doing things for others, but not my first choice for expressing love
5) Words of Affirmation...again, DEFINITELY an anti-love language. Saying "I love you" feels manipulative.
So for me, time is the most important in giving and receiving love. I think that it's interesting that I love to give gifts but don't feel love when someone gives a gift to me. I know that touching is an issue for me as when it's initiated by someone else I feel violated and used, yet I love to express physical affection with others if I am the one to initiate. But, the most problematic area is definitely words of affirmation. Hearing "I love you" makes me want to throw up. Literally, I want to throw up. My mom says it at the end of every phone call and it just makes me sick to hear it. I feel that it's a manipulation tactic. I hate hearing it, and I've told her that I hate hearing it, but she says "I'm free to say whatever I want". Ok, fair enough, but she doesn't say it because she means it. I never heard those three words growing up when they counted the most. And conversely, I can't say "I love you" to anyone else because it feels manipulative. To me, words of affirmation aren't said for any purpose but manipulation....well, when they're said to humans. God knows that you can't manipulate animals by telling them you love them!
Figuring out the order of my love languages has really helped me, and I thought that it could help others as well. Now I can identify where my problem areas are and what I need to work on. Does anyone else want to share what their love languages are?
The general concept is that there are 5 general ways in which we best feel loved, and conversely, there are 5 general ways in which we best express love to others. The way we feel most loved is oftentimes not the way we most readily express our love of others. I know that mine are different.
The five love languages are...
1) Words of Affirmation (ie saying "I love you")
2) Acts of Service (ie doing things for other people)
3) Giving/Receiving Gifts
4) Quality Time (ie spending time with those you care about)
5) Physical Touch (ie hugging, kissing, sexual contact, etc)
My personal order of how I feel love is...
1) Quality Time...By far & away, this is the best way I feel loved. If you care about me, you'll spend time with me.
2) Acts of Service...I am quite appreciative of any time someone does something to help me.
3) Receiving Gifts...I am neutral on this one. Receiving an occasional gift is nice, otherwise, gifts mean little to me.
4) Physical Touch...Perhaps an anti-love language. Half the time when I'm touched I want to come out swinging.
5) Words of Affirmation...DEFINITELY an anti-love language. Hearing "I love you" makes me want to throw up.
My personal order of how I express love is...
1) Quality Time...I try to give as much time to those I love, but anxiety issues get in the way much of the time
2) Giving Gifts...Nothing grand, usually its a small token of my appreciation, or a simple "thinking of you" gift
3) Physical Touch...I like to touch others (hugging) as a way of saying I care. This contrasts with the above list.
4) Acts of Service...Neutral on this one. I don't mind doing things for others, but not my first choice for expressing love
5) Words of Affirmation...again, DEFINITELY an anti-love language. Saying "I love you" feels manipulative.
So for me, time is the most important in giving and receiving love. I think that it's interesting that I love to give gifts but don't feel love when someone gives a gift to me. I know that touching is an issue for me as when it's initiated by someone else I feel violated and used, yet I love to express physical affection with others if I am the one to initiate. But, the most problematic area is definitely words of affirmation. Hearing "I love you" makes me want to throw up. Literally, I want to throw up. My mom says it at the end of every phone call and it just makes me sick to hear it. I feel that it's a manipulation tactic. I hate hearing it, and I've told her that I hate hearing it, but she says "I'm free to say whatever I want". Ok, fair enough, but she doesn't say it because she means it. I never heard those three words growing up when they counted the most. And conversely, I can't say "I love you" to anyone else because it feels manipulative. To me, words of affirmation aren't said for any purpose but manipulation....well, when they're said to humans. God knows that you can't manipulate animals by telling them you love them!
Figuring out the order of my love languages has really helped me, and I thought that it could help others as well. Now I can identify where my problem areas are and what I need to work on. Does anyone else want to share what their love languages are?