My abuser - my granduncle - was abusing me since I was three till I was eight. I have three younger siblings, fortunately, none of them was abused...
It was only recently when I have recoveref memories of feeling terrible fear for them - the worst moments were during oraly rapes at the age of four and five- I kind of - sacrificed? myself for my baby brother, trying to keep him safe, hoping it will be enough...
I haven't dealt with this yet.
And now, my aunt and her children (all of them are pre-school)" are planning to visit and spend some time with another relatives, including my abuser... it us a huge trigger!
I just - can't stand it -oh God, not anymore, please... I do not want to feel so helpless again! I so desperately long to save them, protect them, I feel like I'm putting them into danger...
My aunt knows about him abusing me - not the severity of it, though... And I know hr is very old, has dementia...
But - the Little Girl inside of me doesn't know that... She is do scared! She wants to go there, protect the children, she wants to do her best despise the pain which seeing gim would bring to her...
Desperate! Really not knowing how to stop freaking out like that! I can't stand him being in the conpany of such small children! Really don't know what to do! Such powerlessness... I don't trust them! And I am scared he will try to do something again - although he is so old and doesn't remember any of the things he did to me! I think I will go there and it will hurt so badly, yet not doing anything hurts even more...:confused: :cry::(:(:(
It was only recently when I have recoveref memories of feeling terrible fear for them - the worst moments were during oraly rapes at the age of four and five- I kind of - sacrificed? myself for my baby brother, trying to keep him safe, hoping it will be enough...
I haven't dealt with this yet.
And now, my aunt and her children (all of them are pre-school)" are planning to visit and spend some time with another relatives, including my abuser... it us a huge trigger!
I just - can't stand it -oh God, not anymore, please... I do not want to feel so helpless again! I so desperately long to save them, protect them, I feel like I'm putting them into danger...
My aunt knows about him abusing me - not the severity of it, though... And I know hr is very old, has dementia...
But - the Little Girl inside of me doesn't know that... She is do scared! She wants to go there, protect the children, she wants to do her best despise the pain which seeing gim would bring to her...
Desperate! Really not knowing how to stop freaking out like that! I can't stand him being in the conpany of such small children! Really don't know what to do! Such powerlessness... I don't trust them! And I am scared he will try to do something again - although he is so old and doesn't remember any of the things he did to me! I think I will go there and it will hurt so badly, yet not doing anything hurts even more...:confused: :cry::(:(:(