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Sexual Assault Flashbacks again

  • Thread starter Deleted member 487
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Deleted member 487

What I really hate is when I go through the flashbacks of when I was raped, the times I tried to kill myself for it, and I reach out for help. I call a crisis line.

For the general crisis number, "Uni Crisis", if I ain't already bleeding or dying it's not important enough.
For the local community crisis line, if I'm not already a client, too bad.
For the RAINN crisis line, men don't get raped.

Men don't get raped.

Something about that, from RAINN especially, just bugs the hell out of me.

I look at my wrist, and not a mark. No redness, no scarring, no scab. Yet the last time I sliced it was back in June. I'm guessing 3-4 weeks ago. It was before I got my job. Funny thing is, I have always been a fast healer. I am so glad that I heal so well, having been in so much crap in my life. But I wish, so much, that I scarred, so when I tell counselors of my plight, they could see the scars.

But that's ok. According to RAINN, men don't get raped. I guess it must have been my imagination. The one rape and three subsequent sexual assaults. Yeah, imagination. Because, according to RAINN, men don't get raped.

I promised my counselor though, I will never try to kill the next man that tries to rape or sexually assault me. However, I will "field dress" him.
Nooooo...no no no no! I can't say that, or I'll go to prison for making "terroristic threats".

Rape me, and it's alllll ok. Do anything to defend myself, verbally or otherwise, and I get to go to jail or prison. And people tell how proud they are of living in "the land of the free, home of the brave"? Sure don't seem very free to me.
 
I checked my calender. My last attempt was back in mid May.
 
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