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Forever Alone Club

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Relationships and dating don't seem to mix very well with PTSD. There's those who try anyway, and get through it even though it's difficult. I applaud that.

Then there's those who are incapable of getting into relationships in the first place. Like me here. Did have two failed ones in which I repeated by parents' lousy example exactly, respectively ten and six years ago...

Been single ever since! From that date onward I have had some "adventures" which all ended within weeks and are all either comically weird or comically tragic. Like last time when I finally liked someone, they were into polygamy and BDSM. Nope, nope nope nope...

So I am wondering if there are other Forever Alone forum members in here and wondering whether you have stories to share about your life as a FA-er. :laugh:
 
I have long periods of isolating between relationships, and the isolating when I'm in a relationship eventually gets to the other person, they describe it as abandonment, moodiness and not caring...

It's about four years since my last relationship ended, we've actually become friends since then.

Now that I realize what my symptoms do, I feel less ready for a relationship than I ever have - I used to think I was good at relationships, not now.

My ex tells me that despite being less confident, I'm probably more able to have a relationship now than ever before

who knows?

polygamy - yuk!
S&M - yuk!

I'll agree with you on those :hug:
 
Yes I think that will be the case and it is one of the most terrifying things I face. I don't want to think about it or deal with those thoughts, just triggers me to my childhood and it is just too cruel and is one of the fastest things to spiral me down into depression. But then it is so compounded by not having any family (except kids who must fly the nest) and zilch for close reliable understanding friends because of who I am. Just have to focus on kids and not think about that.
 
@shimmerz and @Anarchy yeah I didn't do very well in the two relationships I had either. I was the mirror image of my abuser in both (violent, blaming and a general ass), there was a lot of screaming and not a lot of love. That put a major dent in my confidence as well...

I think in some ways it was a good thing though, going through that, and getting my confidence busted because it was the only way I would have seen who I was becoming. In a way the lack of confidence makes me more aware of myself so maybe your ex is right about that Anarchy...

I sure would like to put it to the test but for some reason I meet only people like said one above. I don't match with a lot of people so when I meet someone that I am interested in, it's a rarity.
 
It's been my experience that, if a guy is interested in me, it means he's more than likely a narcissist, a psychopath, or both. The good news is, I eventually figure that out. But, once I figure it out, I turn into the kind of person THOSE kinds of people don't want around.

I recently sat and listened to a male friend, and a friend of his, go on about all the drama and issues they have with their SO's. I was appalled! But, these guys claim to love these women. These apparently mean spirited, manipulative, weak, needy women. I really wondered what's up with that, so I asked my friend later in the day. Actually, I asked him why women who appeared to be so high maintenance and not much fun were more appealing than I apparently am. He said I scare people. (Me?) He said that I didn't scare HIM, but that he thought a lot of guys found me scary. (OK, well, I'd find his lady friend kind of scary, myself, because she reminds me a lot of some narcissist psychopaths I've known!)

So, I guess I've resigned myself to membership in the FA group. Not my first choice, but I think it's the way things are and will probably be.
 
i have difficulties with relationships , and its only been the last couple of years that i have actually owned it enough to dig further. I was married for nearly 18 years but as much as i would give love and be loving , i always felt distant and then when i looked back i realized i always felt this way . i have never had a problem finding relationships , but have never really been in them when im having them if that makes sense , its not that im unfaithful ,,,i am not , its not that i dont work my backside off to keep my partner happy - i do...i just cant seem to allow partners in and I isolate a lot and require lots of alone time ..and worst of all...my cptsd makes it near impossible to trust - im alone now and am happy - l dont feel any need for the opposite sex other than friendship - so i do understand how you feel - at some point in the distant future im sure my needs will change , but at this point being alone means no stress or pressure and thats something i havent had for many years
 
if a guy is interested in me, it means he's more than likely a narcissist, a psychopath, or both. The good news is, I eventually figure that out. But, once I figure it out, I turn into the kind of person THOSE kinds of people don't want around.

When a guy is interested in me, he is mostly the type that is bound to "leave me hanging" like my parents did, thus repeating the feeling of abandonment I had throughout my childhood (oh, yay!). I have tendency to fall tragically and horribly in love with these types too, though thankfully I am aware of that now...

These apparently mean spirited, manipulative, weak, needy women.

I see a trend in my family where all of the men (except one) eventually end up dating women from countries where women still have a more submissive role. Not trying to be racist or judgmental here. I have talked to the men about this phenomena and they inform me that "women from the west are often harsher and colder...". Meanwhile, I see most women in my family who are all strong women (but not cold at all) ending up single.

I guess I am just upholding the family tradition. :woot:
 
I have tendency to fall tragically and horribly in love with these types too, though thankfully I am aware of that now...
So, do you think you do that because you're hoping, if you try long enough, you'll "get it right"? Or because it somehow seems "normal" to you? Or some other reason?

Something I've come to find out myself, is that my PTSD apparently actually got started with a scary and not real healthy "relationship" with my mother. My "serious relationships" with men have tended to mirror that one in a lot of ways. (Too complicated to explain in a reasonable amount of space!) It's occurred to me that I might be "trying to get it right". It's also occurred to me, though, that, if "I" don't think my feelings have any value, someone of the narcissist/ psychopath persuasion might think I'm kind of the idea partner. I try hard, I want people to be happy, and I don't value my own feelings. Perfect, it can be all about THEM! (Except that when ultimately backed into a corner, I'll come out of the corner fighting. And then decide it's all my fault, because I'm the one who changed the rules in the middle of the game.)
 
I'm 32. I broke up with my last boyfriend when I was 12.
Ignoring my massive trust issues, even if I felt up to having a relationship I fear one of two things would happen, either a; I would become the caring person they depended on (as I was with both my parents). Or b; I would turn into a twisted angry replica of my mother.
It's only in the last year or so that I've come to realise that people might be interested in me in that way, and not much more since I realised that it was possible for me to find others attractive. That's how disconnected from my feelings I've been. I tell you being flirted at seriously freaks me out. I don't know what I'm supposed to do!
It's not that I think it'll never happen, but as I said to my T (and she agreed with me): not right now!
I'm quite happy with my own company- and the cat's;).
 
So, do you think you do that because you're hoping, if you try long enough, you'll "get it right"? Or because it somehow seems "normal" to you? Or some other reason?

Maybe it's a matter of what example you got. My example is my parents showed no (healthy) interest in me. So now I tend to seek out men who have issues, and therefore have no time (or little time) for me. In my case it mirrors my mother's behavior too, as my dad was actually interested in my well being, even though he was absolutely clueless as to how to protect it.

Yeah it is possible that I was trying to "fix" it. With my last love slash obsession, I definitely was frustrated because this guy wouldn't change. Instead of just letting go of him. I was also still hanging on (although by a very thin thread) to the relationship with my mother. Since, I have let go of that, so I think maybe I learned something...

The thing for both of us, is to be aware of it immediately... instinct never gets it wrong...

I tell you being flirted at seriously freaks me out. I don't know what I'm supposed to do!

This also freaks me out. Especially if dudes check me out on the street. When it's really bad, I pull my hood and cap over my face and walk away real fast hoping they aren't still looking at me. Usually I am the one that flirts first, because it feels safest.

Cats (or dogs) definitely are a super-awesome substitute for a relationships.
 
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