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Forgetting About PTSD - Do You Just Forget You Have It?

Discussion in 'General' started by elvis, Jan 24, 2007.

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  1. elvis

    elvis Active Member

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    does anyone else forget that they have PTSD? i was diagnosed with complex PTSD a few years ago from childhood through adult "traumas". i didn't take it very seriously at the time, but it's times like these that make me think i should get as much info as i can, because it is not just going away, i can't choose my way out of this. and i feel very alone because as has been said on here many times before, you can't understand if you don't have it. my husband and i are having serious troubles, and he does not have much patience for any of this. although, i know it is hard on him. i can't even be around him lately.

    i am in the phase of feeling like i am not really here. that i am invisible unless someone talks to me, and then it feels like a dream. i feel myself slipping away and it makes me upset because i don't know how to stop it.

    also, at this point it is hard b/c i feel like i don't deserve to be around anyone "healthy". and just putting myself in a position to be is excruciating.

    i don't know what to do. also, i guess there is a trial period before you can post in the PTSD section?
     
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  3. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    hey elvis, welcome to the forum.
    cathy
     
  4. elvis

    elvis Active Member

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    thank you. they were singing elvis songs on American Idol when i registered.
     
  5. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

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    Well, the PTSD only section. . . if you PM anthony he'll okay you in hon.

    Snuggs tightly.

    I do know what you mean about the living in a dream thing. Its a form of dissassociation. Do you feel kind of numb emotionally all the time? I know I did. I'd push every emotion away and jut be a shell. Nothing was real, nothing could tuch me when i was'gone'

    tight hugs
    cass
     
  6. elvis

    elvis Active Member

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    thanks i did.
     
  7. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Hi Elvis,

    Yes, there is a period before you can get into the PTSD or spouse private sections... Feeling invisible sounds very much like a self esteem issue, which is part and parcel of PTSD. Nothing new there. I must say though, I am curious about what you mean in regard to your statement "putting myself in a position to be is excruciating" reflecting your presence around healthy people, which I think you mean those without PTSD... what do you mean?
     
  8. elvis

    elvis Active Member

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    well, the feeling like i am not here deal, the reason i call it a phase is because it snuck up on me, it's so gradual and then bam! i wish it was as simple as being a freaking "phase". i'm lost somewhere and i don't know how to get back. as soon as i start feeling down or sad, i completely detach and PANIC. so many years. so many years of no one caring. that when i get around people with compassion and love, i panic. i just realized as i'm typing this i think it could be because it calls out this unmet need in me that i stuff for most of the time during my days, and it is not very often that i feel safe enough to "come out" and express ANY NEED. i feel like such a loser typing this. i spend most of my time when i have energy trying to fill other people's needs, and i realized recently it is because i gave up on any chance of good a long time ago so might as well spend my time creating it for someone else.

    also, i understand the waiting period etc anthony. i do feel sort of scrutinized and like i have to prove that i am "damaged enough" to be here. although i know that is some of my own insecurity...for many years my parents said "if you don't like it call 1800-childabuse, here's a quarter. you don't know how good you have it.

    as far as low self esteem...that is putting it mildly, it's sick actually. there are many times that i feel like it is better if i am not around anyone. that it is hurting them or that they wouldn't really want to talk to me. specifically at my church. there are so many genuinely LOVELY people, that i can't bring myself to speak with because it would be better for them to not waste their time on me. which sounds so PITIFUL, but it is how i think. and i feel guilty when i talk to them. a lot of this could be from my parents not wanting me to speak with other people outside of our house, about what went on in our house? i don't know.
     
  9. Terry

    Terry Well-Known Member

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    Welcome Elvis, I think we all have felt some of what your feeling and sometimes when things are going good I forget about it for alittle while. Anthony will hook you up and get you going. You found a home here. Encourage your spouse to check out the spouse section.
     
  10. elvis

    elvis Active Member

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    by "forgetting that i have PTSD", i mean: forgetting that there is a REASON that things are so HARD. everyday things. things people take for granted as easy to do, or routine. i move between thinking i MUST BE CRAZY and the POSSIBILITY that maybe i am not and that MAYBE it is the PTSD. but i am not there yet by any means. i have so much doubt, despite the diagnosis. i stopped seeing the therapist that diagnosed me because she...well, she made me mad. good reason huh? i am in so much pain right now i don't know how you are supposed to get through this. i really don't.
     
  11. wildfirewildone

    wildfirewildone Well-Known Member

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    The "thing" about ones parents telling you not to trust or speak to anyone outside the house is something I have also experienced in my younger years!!!! For myself I was terrorized into not speaking to anyone on the outside....and hell with all the horrendous abuse going on inside...I found I couldn't talk to or trust anyone on the inside....My first therapist pointed out that it was a definite double whammy!!!! So I was left to trust no other humans....The "no talk" rule is an attempt to keep the child from telling about the abuse....Abusers don't want anyone to know that they are being abusive [hence my belief that on some level in their brains they KNOW what they're doing is wrong but just don't care!!!] I was not allowed to have my feelings inside the house because it might warrant me more abuse....God forbid that I not be having or need I say presenting the "feeling of the moment".....Hope that helps you to know that someone else [me] went through that same experience also....I still have to keep telling myself that NONE of the abuse was MY FAULT!!!! That's the best thing that I can tell you now...The Abuse is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!! .......CHASING THE PEACE.....LIVING THE PEACE
     
  12. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    elvis, your first step to getting better is you must not be in denial about it. That is more what it sounds like by what you last described and is very normal, but still it is a step we still all must make. Were you mad at her for diagnosing you as PTSD?

    I have days now that will go with little trouble and wonder were they wrong? Then I will get a not so friendly reminder that yes, I have it. But me having good days is a sign of healing my trauma and learning what I can and cannot do to keep my symptoms under control. There is no quick and easy fix but there certainly is a path to get to a better place. It is long, bumpy, you will fall down and get helped up by those who have walked it before you here if you let them. Just know the path is not pleasant, but it will be lit for you and others will help you up. First step on that path I think is simply accepting you have it if a doctor tells you and then start reading and asking questions you cannot find the answers to.
     
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